“Of course I love you… I love all y’all!” – Jay-Z

All of us, at some point in our lives, have run game.  Some of you are closing the deal on a sold dream at this very moment.

I was reading a post on VSB.com about 5 things men say when we’re just running game.  I commented on the post, which turned out to be today’s post:  Women run game just as much as us guys.  Just like men use lines such as, “I’m not looking for a relationship,” and, “I’ve just been so busy,” women have their own set of phrases that could have been used by the man, Goldie, himself.

I present to you 5 of those phrases:

1) “Hi friend…” – any sentence, phrase, or question that begins with these two words is evil and should be avoided like Karrine Steffans at an All-Star after-party for any major sport.

2) “You’re so silly!” – Your humor makes her tingle.

3) “Sooo… what do you have up for the weekend?” – if you respond, “Nothing,” then you just fell into the trap. She’s fishing for any holes in your plans or free time you may have, wondering why you haven’t made plans to marry her or take her out.  By responding, “Nothing,” you have just made plans with her, and might as well have said, “Taking you out since I have all this free time, baaaaaaby!”

4) She offers to cook for you? Game! She knows that signature dish of her’s is gonna leave a lasting impression.
If she’s from N.O. or the Carribbean, there’s a 99% chance there’s something in the food that will have you proposing marriage by the night’s end and/or semi-stalking her.

5) [You're such a good man] Why aren’t you married/taken/boo’d up yet? – Meaning, “What’s wrong you? There’s gotta be a reason you can’t maintain a good relationship. You got kids? How many babymama’s you got?  You been to jail?  Are you one of the “alternative lifestyle” fold?  Seriously, what’s wrong with you?”

What are some other things women tend to say that are really game?

So… You get home from work and go through the motions daily routine of talking to your significant other (whether on the phone or in person).  You get the redundant, expected info from her about her day: Irritating co-worker, what she had for lunch, blah, blah, blah, etc.  She’s on her spill when all of a sudden, she stops mid-sentence to say, “Oh, and guess who tried to holla at me today?” 

Homer Simpson:  Urge to kill… rising.

She then continues to go on about some gold-grill, extra crisply, Jerome-looking guy smelling like Sex Panther, who tried to talk to her.  She goes on about how lame he looked, the corny things he said, blah, blah, blah, etc.  Then she goes into the spill of how she turned him down and how she “HAS A MAN.”

Biggest backhanded compliment ever…

Guess what ladies?  We don’t wanna hear that sh**!

Why?  Glad you asked.  Cue up Earth, Wind, & Fire.  These are the reasons:

1. We know you’re frontin!  Sure, you’re quick  to complain and point out the Roland Martin lookin’ dude who tried to get at you… You tell us because you want us to get in the amen-corner with you on how he would have the audacity to even talk to you.  You feel he’s almost beneath you in a sense.  We understand.  Good for you.  A woman will be quick to mention to her man the uber-lame guys who approached her… but would you mention that Idris-Morris-Kodjoe-Bush (or whoever y’all ogle over nowadays) pulled up in a Ferrari, lavished you with compliments, and wanted to take you out?  Would you mention that for a second you thought about giving him the draws number, before turning him down because you have a man?  Exactly. 

2. We’re men.  We already know these things.  So you’re mad that some guy approached you in Walmart while your hair was pinned back/in a scarf, you had on sweats, and were in straight up lounge mode?  It’s a well known fact that men like azz.  And azz, last time I checked, looks especially great in sweat pants.  So I guess you could say… We’ll holla at anything!  You look like a clone of Macy Gray & Esther Role in the face, but got a fatty?  Holla! Holla!  Holla!  No makeup on and buckshots in your head?  We’re not trying to smash your buckshots!  Aunt Flo just came in town, you’re feeling bloated, and rockin’ one your worst fits?  Lemme get that nummmmba!  It’s a well known fact that every woman gets stared at, approached, commented on, glared at, etc, at least 2.5 times a day. 

3. Do you need a compliment?  Maybe your man doesn’t give you enough compliments.  Maybe he’s starting to take you for granted.  So casually letting him know that another guy wants you is letting him know that he needs to step his game up.  You could just let him know directly, but that would be too much like right.

4. You can dish it out, but can’t take it.  We don’t even have to mention Beyonce groped us in the elevator this morning.  All we have to do is mention how that sweater you bought us caused Precious to give us the effdashytouttayou eye… and you’ll be ready to cut her! 

So, ladies, remember this next time you think about telling your guy about who tried to holla at you.  We know we’re not the only guy who finds you attractive.  We just like to believe we are.  Stroke that ego, baby!  Stroke that ego!

Good night and good luck!

Dear Women,

My dear, dear women (sigh)… why do you do the things you do?

You walk out the house with that outfit on… cleavage popping out of your turtleneck… I try my best to keep eye contact, yet you take it as I’m trying to disrespect

Dear women,

My dear, dear women (sigh)… why do you do the things you do?

Your derriere is as wide as all out doors… daisy-dukes-spandex all over your butt… you walk in front of me, pulling your baby-tee down… and think that’s supposed to cover it up?

Dear women… my dear, dear women…

I woke up early in a good mood today… was feeling friendly so I said, “Hi.” … She translated it to, “Can I get your number?”… She thinks she’s a ten, but is just a five…

Dear women… my dear, dear women… SMH

Boy meets girl. 

Girl says she is single.

Girl is a lie.

Whenever you meet someone, and you seem to hit it off, always remember that you’re not the only one.  There is someone else in the picture.  If there isn’t someone else in the picture, there better be a good reason why that person doesn’t have anyone pursuing them… either that or you holla’d at a boogerwolf.

Who exactly is in the picture?  Glad you asked:

The Ex – Maybe he or she is getting over a breakup, but that ex is still in the picture in some way. 

The Boo – I hate this term by the way, but a lot of females I’ve run into like to use this term as the 2009-2010 version of someone who isn’t necessarily their boyfriend, but they’re still dating.  Any heterosexual guy doesn’t use this term by the way.  Women say boo.  Men say jump-off.

The Boyfriend/Girlfriend – Speaks for itself.  And just because they’re going through a “rough patch,” doesn’t negate the fact that they have a s/o.

The Pursuer/Friend – This holds true for women more so.  Every woman has at least one man who is pursuing her at all times.  She just got off the phone with him… and gave you her number an hour later.  Nothing wrong with that.  Just know that he’s there.  I would also like to add that 99% of men in the infamous friend zone started out as pursuers.

So what am I saying?  At any given time, you are in competition with at least one other person.  You start out as an option hoping to get chosen. 

To the readers out there, are you aware that you’re not the only one?  Are you comfortable with that fact?  Are you willing to compete?

First dates suck. 

You take this big risk, get dressed up, and do all of this planning to get to know a person who actually isn’t even showing up to the date (shout out to 1^st date representatives)!  If you go to the movies, you can’t actually converse with your date.  You don’t want to simp spend a lot of money on an expensive dinner.  You want to think outside of the box and do something different without being thought of as weird.  Really… who wants to play paintball on a first date? 

There is an easy solution to this:  The Pre-Date.

It’s so brilliant!  I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before!  A Pre-Date works like this:  You meet up and do something casual just to see if you would like to continue on to an actual 1^st date.  There is no pressure on the man to pay or leave his wallet at home accidentally.  Just do something casual, and go Dutch. The something casual could be something as simple as meeting for drinks after work.  You can get all of the awkward, preliminary 1^st date questions out of the way… Questions such as, “So, what’s your plan for the next 5 years?  Do you plan on getting married? Have you ever, out of your own free will, done crack? Swallow much?”  It’s also a great opportunity to see if you have any kind of chemistry.  And if you hit it off?  Congratulations!  You have successfully completed and qualified during the application/pre-screening process.  You will now be granted an interview… and we all know how much we lie exaggerate in interviews.

Here are some great ideas for a Pre-Date:

1)  Happy Hour/Drinks After Work – Not only do you get alcohol, but you get to see if they really have a job or not.  Plus a drink or two can allow both of you to relax.

2) Coffee Shop – Same as happy hour but minus the booze.

3) Lunch – Before deciding on going to dinner, why not have lunch?  Just like meeting for drinks after work, it’s a great way to see someone in their element. 

So, to everyone out there, what are some other good ideas for a Pre-Date?