Ahhh, yes, the old routine.  You meet someone.  You fall in love.  The relationship seems great.  Then you break up only to realize that the whole thing was a match made in heaven… that set the fires in hell (shout out to Lupe).

Normally, when we reflect on old relationships, post-breakup, we always tend to self-soothe with all sorts of clichéd sayings and old adages:

“It wasn’t meant to be.”

“I should have recognized the signs.”

“If they cheat with you then they will cheat on you.”

“You can’t help who you fall in love with.”

That last statement is rubbish… foolery… complete and utter shullbit… It’s simply not true and, in fact, is a cop out.  Because the fact of the matter is… you CAN help who you fall in love with.  How can you help it?  Glad you asked.  Our two words for the day, class, are choice and action.  Let’s look deeper at these:

Choice: A man and woman meet.  They choose to exchange contact information.  Man (or woman) chooses to contact the other.  The other chooses to answer the phone (or respond to the text/email).  They choose a time and place to go out on a date.  They choose to continue seeing each other.  They choose to enter into a relationship.

Action: A man and a woman meet.  Man asks for the woman’s number.  Woman gives man her number.  Man calls woman.  Woman answers man’s phone call.  Man and woman talk.  Man and woman go out on a date.  Man and woman continue to talk routinely.  Man and woman get involved physically.  Man and woman continue to spend time together.  Man and woman finally enter into a relationship.

Now let’s say the man doesn’t smoke, and the woman smokes at least 5 black n’ milds a day.   Suppose the woman is a Christian, and the man is part of the black, boughie chapter of the Illuminati… the Illuminatae, if you will.  Suppose the woman wants children and the man doesn’t.  Suppose the man is already in a relationship but “not happy,” while the woman is looking for something serious.  Suppose the woman isn’t looking for anything serious right now, and the man is.

All of these are things that you would either know up front or find out eventually (usually after a few conversations).  Once you know enough about someone, then you choose whether to continue talking and spending time with them.  Those choices lead to actions.  I am of the belief that love is not a feeling, but an action.  If you love then you give (whether financially, of your time, etc.).

So the more you choose to be involved with someone, then the more you will be involved with someone.  With all of that action, over the course of time, someone is going to catch feelings.  And of course someone is going to catch feelings when they choose to invest (action) so much time in what will cause feelings to develop.

So remember this concept the next time you find yourself either 1) about to become involved with someone you’re not particularly sure about, or 2) reflecting about a past relationship and trying to make sense of it all.

We choose who we get involved with… and we choose who we fall in love with.

A friend of mine was going through some emails, and found an OLD poem I wrote over 5 years ago.   I decided to share it with y’all.  Check it out… *Ahem:

IF I curse does that mean I’m perceived as bad in your eyes,
When you’re just as profane in your actions?
But you know what they say, image is everything,
So I choose to live for the satisfaction
Of the God who created me in His image
Forget your reaction

IF you can’t seem to get in touch with me,
Maybe it’s not you, but my own problems I’m avoiding through solitude,
But since you’re the victim you call it rude
And though all is true,
You don’t even bother to leave a simple message on the voicemail,
So what reason do I have for calling you?

IF a girl has sex with many guys, is she a hoe?
I say no
See I debated… with a girl on this
And found a common ground where we related,
See a hoe has a pimp who collects figgaz,
And some girls pimp themselves, you know, gold-diggaz
So I figga’d, If you’re a girl who gives up the butt for free, not a fee,
Or a male who cuts because it takes two for such…
Then the politically correct term for you is a slut

IF you’re a female who claims to get along better with males than your
own gender,
Then what does that really say about you, sister?
Cause you’ll contradict and say all men are dogs
And if that fits me, of course I’ma go along, to get along, get you
home, and get a bone
Don’t get me wrong,
I’m just saying what I see in your attitude
So the proper gratitude is to admit the truth and change
Cause if we all did that, being normal wouldn’t be so strange

Thank you, thank you, thank you!  You’re far too kiiiiiind!