Ahhh, yes, the old routine. You meet someone. You fall in love. The relationship seems great. Then you break up only to realize that the whole thing was a match made in heaven… that set the fires in hell (shout out to Lupe).
Normally, when we reflect on old relationships, post-breakup, we always tend to self-soothe with all sorts of clichéd sayings and old adages:
“It wasn’t meant to be.”
“I should have recognized the signs.”
“If they cheat with you then they will cheat on you.”
“You can’t help who you fall in love with.”
That last statement is rubbish… foolery… complete and utter shullbit… It’s simply not true and, in fact, is a cop out. Because the fact of the matter is… you CAN help who you fall in love with. How can you help it? Glad you asked. Our two words for the day, class, are choice and action. Let’s look deeper at these:
Choice: A man and woman meet. They choose to exchange contact information. Man (or woman) chooses to contact the other. The other chooses to answer the phone (or respond to the text/email). They choose a time and place to go out on a date. They choose to continue seeing each other. They choose to enter into a relationship.
Action: A man and a woman meet. Man asks for the woman’s number. Woman gives man her number. Man calls woman. Woman answers man’s phone call. Man and woman talk. Man and woman go out on a date. Man and woman continue to talk routinely. Man and woman get involved physically. Man and woman continue to spend time together. Man and woman finally enter into a relationship.
Now let’s say the man doesn’t smoke, and the woman smokes at least 5 black n’ milds a day. Suppose the woman is a Christian, and the man is part of the black, boughie chapter of the Illuminati… the Illuminatae, if you will. Suppose the woman wants children and the man doesn’t. Suppose the man is already in a relationship but “not happy,” while the woman is looking for something serious. Suppose the woman isn’t looking for anything serious right now, and the man is.
All of these are things that you would either know up front or find out eventually (usually after a few conversations). Once you know enough about someone, then you choose whether to continue talking and spending time with them. Those choices lead to actions. I am of the belief that love is not a feeling, but an action. If you love then you give (whether financially, of your time, etc.).
So the more you choose to be involved with someone, then the more you will be involved with someone. With all of that action, over the course of time, someone is going to catch feelings. And of course someone is going to catch feelings when they choose to invest (action) so much time in what will cause feelings to develop.
So remember this concept the next time you find yourself either 1) about to become involved with someone you’re not particularly sure about, or 2) reflecting about a past relationship and trying to make sense of it all.
We choose who we get involved with… and we choose who we fall in love with.