Tag Archives: dating

Getting to Know You…

date 0 300x235 Getting to Know You...

Let’s look at a few scenarios:

Scenario 1: A man and woman go out on a first date.  They catch a hilarious movie, and exchange small talk before and during the movie.  After the movie, they go to a wine bar for drinks and conversation.

Scenario 2: An attractive, young, professional woman meets a man who seems to “have it all together.”  On the surface, he meets all of her standards and criteria.  After a couple of dates, she decides to friend him on Facebook, follow him on Twitter, and stalk check out his tweets and status messages from time to time.  She finds that he acts one way with her, yet his tweets and status updates depict an insecure, misoginistic, guy with a potty mouth and a slight obession with Justin Bieber.

Scenario 3: A man and woman, who just met two weeks ago, have been having lunch together 3-4 times a week ever since.  Each lunch date consists of laughs, jokes, discussions on intriguing topics, and deep conversation.

Scenario 4: A couple has been dating exclusively for 2 months.  The relationship is new.   The guy describes his girlfriend as kind, patient, and down to earth.  The lady describes her boyfriend as caring, sweet, and patient.  One day, the woman decides to treat herself to a $150 pair of shoes.  Upon leaving the mall, the woman’s car won’t start.   She calls her man to pick her up.  He just sat in the chair at the barbershop, and said he’ll be there as soon as he gets out the chair.  She hangs up on him.  When he finally arrives, she gets in the car with a visible attitude, clutching her shopping bags, and makes a snarky remark toward him.  He makes a snarky remark back.  They end up arguing in the car and cussing each other out.  During the argument, they both call each other out their names.

Scenario 5: A woman meets a man at a lounge, and is really interested.  They exchange numbers, and agree to go out on a date.  Before going out on a date, the woman decides to look up the man one of those “people finder” sites (that shows public court documents, criminal history, etc.), and finds that he has a criminal record due to a incident that occurred 10 years prior.

Now…

Out of all these scenarios, (assuming the goal is getting to know someone else and not to just end up in a relationship) which one do YOU believe is the ideal way to really get to know someone?

The Stupid Things We Do for the Ill Na Na

 TheFriendZone The Stupid Things We Do for the Ill Na Na

Wale aka  MC Mediocre-as-h3ll has a cold song with J. Cole and Currency.

Check it out here…

http://www.elitethatsme.com/2009/06/wale-feat-j-cole-currency-rather-be.html

 J Cole is heard saying…

“Because that b00ty mad thick behind ya juicy a$$ lips/

I’m tryin’ to get ya hot and wet, ya know jacuzzi that sh!t/

Then I’m bustin like a oozie in this bougie a$$ chick/

The only reason that I put up with this moody a$$ b!tch…is you.”

This song is very creative, but basically puts into perspective a man’s mindstate when it comes to a lot of women.  I actually have two topics I’ll discuss on this.  Today, we’ll discuss “stoopid” stuff men say to themselves to justify getting it in with a girl they can’t stand.  Tomorrow I’ll enlighten the women-ses to the game on when you are with someone or he is just tolerating you for the Ill na na.

 Anyway here are the top ten things I think men say to themselves when they mess with a chick who they really don’t like for the lovin’.  (Shouts out to David Letterman).

 10. Oh she’s not that crazy.  (she only scratched my car up, cut the tires, and busted out the windows once.)

 9. This is the last time.

 8. I’mma leave that alone when I find something better.

 7.  But do you see her booty/breast/legs/etc.?????

 6. I put too much time into getting this. a*k*a I warmed this slot machine up and I’m not letting the next fool hit the jack pot.

 5. But I’m horny

 4. I’m drunk sooo… LOL

 3. She the best I ever had (Shouts out to Drake aka MC Starting-to-Disappoint-Me.)

 2.  I’m used to this chick.

 And the number 1 thing men say to themselves when messing with a chick for the lovin’.

 1. Eh she’s here…

 We are so simple it’s pathetic…LOL   My fellow Nerds give me some more reasons.

-Trillionaire Wood

You Are Not Alone

black dating 385x261 You Are Not Alone

Boy meets girl. 

Girl says she is single.

Girl is a lie.

Whenever you meet someone, and you seem to hit it off, always remember that you’re not the only one.  There is someone else in the picture.  If there isn’t someone else in the picture, there better be a good reason why that person doesn’t have anyone pursuing them… either that or you holla’d at a boogerwolf.

Who exactly is in the picture?  Glad you asked:

The Ex – Maybe he or she is getting over a breakup, but that ex is still in the picture in some way. 

The Boo – I hate this term by the way, but a lot of females I’ve run into like to use this term as the 2009-2010 version of someone who isn’t necessarily their boyfriend, but they’re still dating.  Any heterosexual guy doesn’t use this term by the way.  Women say boo.  Men say jump-off.

The Boyfriend/Girlfriend – Speaks for itself.  And just because they’re going through a “rough patch,” doesn’t negate the fact that they have a s/o.

The Pursuer/Friend – This holds true for women more so.  Every woman has at least one man who is pursuing her at all times.  She just got off the phone with him… and gave you her number an hour later.  Nothing wrong with that.  Just know that he’s there.  I would also like to add that 99% of men in the infamous friend zone started out as pursuers.

So what am I saying?  At any given time, you are in competition with at least one other person.  You start out as an option hoping to get chosen. 

To the readers out there, are you aware that you’re not the only one?  Are you comfortable with that fact?  Are you willing to compete?

Old Crushes

 

Have you ever gone out with your friends and saw that girl that you always wanted to get with but “circumstances” aka you being a little punk kept you from hollering… but now you see her and she just doesn’t look quite the same?  Can it be that you just don’t like her anymore?   It’s usually more to it than that.  And here are the reason’s why I don’t think you aren’t into her anymore.

 1. She’s not as attractive as she used to be.  The years have ravaged her like a dinosaur corpse or She is as big as the day is long…  There was a girl that I had tried to show my affections for but they were fended off like Steve Urkel chasing after Laura Winslow.  She was never a small girl, but she was of a nice fluff.  Well I saw a recent picture of her and let’s just say that fluff was more on Empire-State-Ghostbusters-Marshmallow-Man level.  I told my friend about it and he said it wasn’t possible for her to be any bigger.  Bwah…hahahaha.   So basically he was saying that it wasn’t possible for a human to get any bigger…lol.  But after he saw the picture he agreed it was possible. Anyway, I got off subject.  Basically she let herself go.  And that’s just wrong.

 2. You finally get to see the real person…  It’s kinda like that scene from the Matrix when Neo is welcomed into the real world.  All the wonderful things that you thought this person was, you finally see that she isn’t all of that.  Maybe she’s mean. Maybe she’s too nice.  Maybe she is as ditzy as Jessica Simpson after a lobotomy.   

 3.  You’ve changed.   As you grow, your tastes evolve.  If you would have told me 10 years ago I would be attracted to any woman of a different race, I would have slapped you upside your head for your habitual line steppage.  Anyway you are not the same guy and she may still be the same girl. 

What are some other reasons you have to let the past die?  My fellow nerds pontificate with me if you will.

Simping vs. Pursuing/Persistence

urkel jaleel white Simping vs. Pursuing/Persistence

Tired of falling for the okey-doke?  One of those guys who continually falls into the abysmal Friend Zone?  Don’t know when to give up or when she’s playing hard to get?

Today’s post is for you.

Ahh, the age old debate of simping vs. pursuing.  When are you simping on a woman?  When is it just good, old fashioned persistence?  Let’s break it down:

Simping can go so many different ways and be so many different things, but I believe it boils down to two things:

1) You’re going out of your way and doing things for a female who has no interest in you whatsoever OR

2) You’re being coerced into going out of your way and doing things for a female who has no interest in you whatsoever.. i.e. Falling for game…

Some would say that tricking is simping. I say, yeah, if you’re just an average 9-5 working guy. Average 9-5 working guys take ladies out to dinner & a movie. When your bank account allows you to do whatever the f— you want to do, then average things for you seem outlandish to the average 9-5 working guy. A rich guy’s dinner & a movie may be flying a chick he just met out to Miami for dinner, a movie, and shopping. ;o)

Persistence, on the other hand, is just that… persistence. You actually have a shot, but you have to work for it. You have a fighting chance, but you have to be smart at the same time. A female with good game can show just enough interest (in order to get what she wants) and have you thinking you’re in Persistenceville… when you’re actually in Simptropolis. Persistence is, “I just called to hear your voice and see how your day was going.” Simping is, “I had a good time on our date, which you seemed to not enjoy… so can I pay your phone bill?”

“But, SouthernCharm,” you ask,  “How do you know when it’s just her playing hard to get where you should stay being persistant or when you’ve went to Simptropolis and became her attention whore. Because tricking may not come in the form of money. You could just be that dude that tickles her fancy.”

Ahh, good question, sport.  See, that’s when intentions come into play. Those with the best game are the best at hiding their intentions. Whenever you do something nice for a female, she’s thinking, “What are his intentions? Is he really sweet or just doing this to get closer to the booty?” Whenever a female shows interest, we think, “Is she really feeling me or is she trying to get something out of me?”

Example: We’re at Kotos. Ricco is talking to his homegirl. It’s her birthday. He buys her a drink. Her sloppy drunk, top-heavy, exotic-looking friend insists… not asks… but insists that he buys the crew her a drink. She saw him buy her a drink, and pounced on the opportunity. Her intentions were clear. Ricco sees through it & stiff arms her… 2 hours later, same chick is being carried out of the establishment.

Getting back to your original question. When you meet someone, you have to assume that there is at least one person they are either involved with, who is in the picture, or who is pursuing them along with you. Persistence is doing something to stand out from whoever is in the picture already. But persistence pays off. Simping is like the horse chasing the carrot. If I meet a chick, we spend a lot of time on the phone, but she’s never available… red flag. If we spend time here and there, but there’s no physical interest shown… red flag.

Sometime it’s as simple as, “Yo I think you’re a good looking person. You seem cool. Let’s get to know each other better.” The end result is sex, a relationship, or, “You know what? You’re cool but not as cool/good looking/successful as I would like… so I’m going to look for an upgrade.” The games come into play when you look for an upgrade while keeping that person at arm’s length.

But, SC,” again you say, “What do you mean by, “If we spend time here and there, but there’s no physical interest shown… red flag.”???

I’ll let Ricco, bring it home:

I think SC’s made some great points about distinguishing between the land of “simptropolis” and “persistenceville.” Admittedly, the lines can be very blurry and even the best playa has unwittengly been caught on the wrong side of the tracks during his lifetime.

I think SC makes a good point about spending lots of time together, but there’s no phyical contact. Physical/sensual contact is likely the most important distinction between being “just a friend” and being “something more” (especially at our age). If there is no show of physical contact (could be as simple as holding hands or a peck on the cheek, doesn’t have to be straight to the sheets), you should be wary about being on the road to simptropolis. This doesn’t mean that on the first date, you guys should be trying to get busy in the backseat, but its something you gotta gauge.