Tired of falling for the okey-doke? One of those guys who continually falls into the abysmal Friend Zone? Don’t know when to give up or when she’s playing hard to get?
Today’s post is for you.
Ahh, the age old debate of simping vs. pursuing. When are you simping on a woman? When is it just good, old fashioned persistence? Let’s break it down:
Simping can go so many different ways and be so many different things, but I believe it boils down to two things:
1) You’re going out of your way and doing things for a female who has no interest in you whatsoever OR
2) You’re being coerced into going out of your way and doing things for a female who has no interest in you whatsoever.. i.e. Falling for game…
Some would say that tricking is simping. I say, yeah, if you’re just an average 9-5 working guy. Average 9-5 working guys take ladies out to dinner & a movie. When your bank account allows you to do whatever the f— you want to do, then average things for you seem outlandish to the average 9-5 working guy. A rich guy’s dinner & a movie may be flying a chick he just met out to Miami for dinner, a movie, and shopping. ;o)
Persistence, on the other hand, is just that… persistence. You actually have a shot, but you have to work for it. You have a fighting chance, but you have to be smart at the same time. A female with good game can show just enough interest (in order to get what she wants) and have you thinking you’re in Persistenceville… when you’re actually in Simptropolis. Persistence is, “I just called to hear your voice and see how your day was going.” Simping is, “I had a good time on our date, which you seemed to not enjoy… so can I pay your phone bill?”
“But, SouthernCharm,” you ask, “How do you know when it’s just her playing hard to get where you should stay being persistant or when you’ve went to Simptropolis and became her attention whore. Because tricking may not come in the form of money. You could just be that dude that tickles her fancy.”
Ahh, good question, sport. See, that’s when intentions come into play. Those with the best game are the best at hiding their intentions. Whenever you do something nice for a female, she’s thinking, “What are his intentions? Is he really sweet or just doing this to get closer to the booty?” Whenever a female shows interest, we think, “Is she really feeling me or is she trying to get something out of me?”
Example: We’re at Kotos. Ricco is talking to his homegirl. It’s her birthday. He buys her a drink. Her sloppy drunk, top-heavy, exotic-looking friend insists… not asks… but insists that he buys the crew her a drink. She saw him buy her a drink, and pounced on the opportunity. Her intentions were clear. Ricco sees through it & stiff arms her… 2 hours later, same chick is being carried out of the establishment.
Getting back to your original question. When you meet someone, you have to assume that there is at least one person they are either involved with, who is in the picture, or who is pursuing them along with you. Persistence is doing something to stand out from whoever is in the picture already. But persistence pays off. Simping is like the horse chasing the carrot. If I meet a chick, we spend a lot of time on the phone, but she’s never available… red flag. If we spend time here and there, but there’s no physical interest shown… red flag.
Sometime it’s as simple as, “Yo I think you’re a good looking person. You seem cool. Let’s get to know each other better.” The end result is sex, a relationship, or, “You know what? You’re cool but not as cool/good looking/successful as I would like… so I’m going to look for an upgrade.” The games come into play when you look for an upgrade while keeping that person at arm’s length.
“But, SC,” again you say, “What do you mean by, “If we spend time here and there, but there’s no physical interest shown… red flag.”???
I’ll let Ricco, bring it home:
I think SC’s made some great points about distinguishing between the land of “simptropolis” and “persistenceville.” Admittedly, the lines can be very blurry and even the best playa has unwittengly been caught on the wrong side of the tracks during his lifetime.
I think SC makes a good point about spending lots of time together, but there’s no phyical contact. Physical/sensual contact is likely the most important distinction between being “just a friend” and being “something more” (especially at our age). If there is no show of physical contact (could be as simple as holding hands or a peck on the cheek, doesn’t have to be straight to the sheets), you should be wary about being on the road to simptropolis. This doesn’t mean that on the first date, you guys should be trying to get busy in the backseat, but its something you gotta gauge.