Category Archives: Working

20 Something Things About Being 20 Something

20 Something cover FINAL 300x300 20 Something Things About Being 20 Something

1.  You pay for a degree graduate and earn your degree.  As soon as you get your degree though, you find out that you need more experience.

2.  Anyone 18 or younger all of sudden looks like a baby.  If you’re over 25, anyone under 25 looks like a baby.

3.  You make it through 4-5 years of undegrad, complete with all-night/morning study & cram sessions, without becoming a coffee or caffeine addict.  After 3-6 months of staying out til 3:00 A.M., coffee & caffeine are like cocaine… and you’re Charlie Sheen.

4.  Your goal is to be a millionaire, or at least a thousandaire, by age 30.  Yet, you don’t own one business.  Upon realizing this, you experience what is known as the quarter-life crisis.

5. In the club a social setting, your checklist went something like this:  booty, breasts, face.  Now it’s booty, breasts, face, ring finger.

6. Your parents start to make sense in a lot ways.

7. Your parents stop making sense in a lot of ways.

8. If it wasn’t relevant beforehand, local, national, and/or world news is now relevant to you.

9. Virgins exist in an alternate reality where machines have taken over the world, harvesting human body heat for power, and suduing their minds through a simulated reality called The Matrix.  Also, in this alternate reality, all black women with four-year philosophy degrees have successful, degree’d-up husbands with Insanity/P90X bodies, Paul Pierce has the sharpest shape up in America, all jobs start out at $100K, and Kobe Bryant is only known as a dish on the menu of a Japanese Steakhouse.

10.  If you do listen to the radio, then it’s mostly talk radio and morning shows.

11.  You realize it’s not the end of the world if you don’t go out on the weekend.

12. You learn the true value of sleep.

13.  Somebody you know gets married every week.

14. You realize you’re not invincible

15. Cheap liquor takes a much worse toll on your body.

16. Fighting becomes a last resort.

17.  Post-grad Greek life means nothing unless you’re lame.

18.  You think about how you would whoop other peoples kids you see them acting crazy in public.

19.  Rocking the homeless-Professor look from Goodwill is a better look than wearing Fubu, Phat Farm, Coogi, Ecko, or any kind of urban wear.

20.  At 18-19 yrs old, your requirements for dating someone included whether they had their own car or not.  At 20-something, your requirements include a 401k and benefits.

21.  Reading has become a form of entertainment.

22.  You’re old enough to be considered an adult, but young enough to not be considered, “old.”  This is awkward, and is the main reason for bad decisions made, “because I was young and just having fun.”  See:  Lindsey Lohan.

“Everything’s Amazing & Nobody’s Happy” – Learn to Appreciate Stuff

rose colored glasses Everythings Amazing & Nobodys Happy   Learn to Appreciate Stuff

Louis CK has a stand-up album called Hilarious that cause me to have an epiphany.   If you haven’t seen it you should check it out.

He has a section in it called… “Everything’s Amazing & Nobody’s Happy”.

In it he talks about how we complain about everything, but how we never sit back and just realize how good we have things.

I mean think about it.  We complain about flying, but really thinking about flying.   You sit in a plane and go through the air at hundreds of miles an hour and you don’t even feel it unless there is some turbulence.  You can go from New York to California in 5 hours.  In the 1800’s that trip would have took you 3 months and you were likely not to show up in California with the same people you left New York with.

I think about my own life.  I complain about my job a lot.  I get mad because I don’t have a enough work to do and my boss ignores me sometime.  Now let me give you some background.  I have my own office,  my boss doesn’t keep up with my vacation time, I get paid a decent salary, and I’m black.

Can you imagine me complaining to my great-great-great grandfather that was a slave?

Me: I’m tired of my job I don’t do anything.

GGG-grandfather:  Son…You’re a b!tch.  Do you want to switch places?

Your boss ignores you.  I have freaking overseer!

You have an office.  I stay in a shack with 20 people half the size of your office.

You get paid in money.  I get paid in chitlins and rags for clothes.

You get vacation time…. Vacation!  You lazy M.F.  You don’t even work that much.  I work!  I plant enough food to feed Mississippi every day.  Do you know how much a country ninja in Mississippi  can eat?

You sicken me!

So good people at the cool table I implore you to sit back and really think about all the stuff we take for granted and really start to appreciate it.

Ain’t No Reason to Be That Dumb

dumb ring Aint No Reason to Be That Dumb

I know that’s not correct grammar, but I’m on a bit of rant.

Why are people so dumb?  I mean seriously.  I could see if this was the 40’s and there was one library in town and it was Whites Only, but information is so readily available.

I mean you can go on a computer and go this white page with a box on it.  You can type whatever the heck want in that box and wealth of information pops up (for the dumb this place is google.com).

Well the reason I’m so mad is because I get tired of people asking me questions they know the answer to or they can get the answer.  I have a co-worker that ask me some of the most elementary crap I have ever been ask in my life.  Questions like what comes after the number 4.  Google it you dumb broad!

Do you ever listen to people talk now?  It’s like wikipedia doesn’t even exist.  I’m just saying there is no reason to be dumb.  It’s too easy to learn now.

People of the Cool Table share a story of a time you said to yourself… “Ain’t no reason for you to be that dumb.”  Maybe you actually said that to them… That would be even better.

Attraction-Harassment Scale

nice guy bad guy Attraction Harassment Scale

 So you are at work, and Jimmy the office “nice guy” comes over to say good morning.  This is probably the hardest part of your day.  Now Jimmy’s a good guy, but you’re just not attracted to him.  And he usually lingers a little too long when he hugs you.  Well one day Jimmy takes your kind hug as his entry into trying something a little further.  Maybe he decides to tell you, “you look really nice” or “he wants to take you on a date”.  Now if you are a rational creature you will tell him politely no and hopefully it doesn’t ruin the office place acquaintance.  Or you could be crazy as a loon and call sexual harassment on him. 

 Then you have Kent.  Kent is the office Brad Pitt/Hottie/Slut.  Well one night you and Kent are working late and he decides he’s going to try to have his way with you.  Next thing you know, the copy machine is taking full color photos of your neither region.

 Now how is it that possible that two of your co-workers can approach in two different ways and get inexplicable results?  One guy almost gets a face full of pepper spray while being respectful and the other gets a chance to make a fond memory at the copy machine by treating you like dirt. 

 Well it’s a little thing I like to call the Attraction-Harassment scale. 

 Note: Don’t try to take it.  It’s already copyrighted.

  Attraction Harassment Scale

  

 There is basically an inverse relationship between how attracted you are to a person and how you gauge their actions towards you. 

 In other words… The uglier a person is to you, the less you will let them get away with. 

 It is derived from the Crazy-Hot scale from the show How I Met Your Mother?.  I love that show.  Barney Stinson for President!

 You see it all the time in your daily life…

1. Regular dude sends a drink.  Girl takes it and pays him no mind.  Rich guy sends a bottle.  Girl goes home with rich guy.

2. Girl attracted to a guy plays hard to get, and guy engages her in said game.  Girl not attracted to guy “pursuing” claims he’s a bug-a-boo/stalker.

 So give me an example of your Attraction-Harassment episodes.  Do you think the scale is right?

Don’t Wake Me, I’m Dreaming!!!

-shouts out to Christopher Williams.

SchoolDaze 746368 Don’t Wake Me, I’m Dreaming!!!

Anyway…

 

So, I was on my way to being the new Micheal “Blue” Williams minus the gorilla-like façade.  I was managing 5 musical acts and it seemed like everything was going good.  I was at the BET awards hanging out with celebrities doing my thing, driving the nicest cars, living in the biggest mansions, had an eight track stereo, color TV in every room, and could snort half a piece of dope every day.  It was the American dream, well ain’t it. Fool you better come on in.   So anyway I woke up and I realized I had just wasted 5 years of my life and I was still on the corner selling CD’s hoping to recoup what I spent at Wal-Mart the night before.

 

I won’t bad mouth any of the people I managed at the time, but I’ll just say some were easy to get along with and some weren’t.  At that point I heard Laurence Fishburne (Larry at the time) ringing the bell on the yard yelling, “Wake Up!”.  I had to realize that although it was possible to be a successful musical manager, I had to have a come the Jesus meeting with myself.  Even at the point that all my acts became successful, I would never make the type of money I was looking for.  I also didn’t love what I did.  I didn’t hate managing, but I didn’t get a sense of fulfillment that I needed.  And if I’m going to waste that much time I better be doing something I love.  If you don’t do what you love it doesn’t matter how much money you have.  Unless you’re Bill Gates and you can pay somebody to do it for you.

 

Why am I rambling about myself?  Well it’s like this.  I see a lot of people spending years chasing after dreams that won’t materialize.  I would never tell you to give up on your dreams.  But you have to have a reality check.  I fell into that trap of having to prove myself to everyone at the detriment of a lot of years of my youth.  Most people get caught in that idea that what we see on TV is real life and that we can have that.  People don’t live like they do on TV. 

 

So anyway I’m ringing the bell on you.  If you are trying to do any of these things.  WAKE UP!

 

1)      Professional Sports. Very few of us have the talent to master the sport.  And of those very few are smart enough to keep the money.  Statistics show “78% of former NFL players are broke or financially stressed after retirement, and 60% of former NBA players go broke five years after leaving the league”

 

2)      Music.  If I hear another ninja say he’s rapping/producing/singing/ now…I’m going to scream.  I’m so tired of that.  “Mayne we bout to get this paper.”  It’s not a quick hustle.  It takes at least 10 years to get on if you ever get on.  And when you do, YOU DON’T MAKE ANY MONEY!  Also, in the age of digital music, you’re a lame if you’re still on the corner selling your mixtape burned on a Maxell CD, with your rap name and title written on it with a permanent marker. 

 

3)      Acting.  See number 2 and add 10 more years.  Also, getting on a reality TV show and being a video hoe/model urban modeling aren’t legitimate paths to the Academy Awards.  With that said…

 

4)      Modeling. I don’t know any 5’2, 140 lbs models for Victoria’s Secret, Sports Illustrated, etc.  But I do know plenty of 5’2, 140 lbs models for Black Tail.  “Girl I’mma video hoefessional now”. I’m just saying…

 

5)      Fashion Design.  Which seems like if you do 1, 2, or 3 you have to do this.  Putting your name on some jeans doesn’t make them any better.  Putting your no name a** or logo on a shirt doesn’t make it better.  Unless it’s a Polo. 

 

 

6)      Network Marketing.  Shoulda been #1 to me… I must admit I’ve fell into the trap as a lot of students do coming out of college wanting to get a quick buck.  I’m not saying there isn’t money in it, but I’ve never seen the paper.  Plus they eerily resemble cults.  Shouts out to Tahitian Noni & Pre-Paid Legal.

 

What are some of the things you think people should give up on?  What are some dreams you had to give up on?