Category Archives: Social

Awkward Office Moments

Dwight Schrute 793550 239x300 Awkward Office Moments

Ahh, the awkward office moment… It’s the point of habitual line steppage, if only for a moment, between colleagues, superiors, and/or subordinates.  It’s the point where you’re walking on eggshells, only to realize that you’re barefoot and eggshells can cut up your feet.  Laughs quickly morph into embarrassing silence.  Eye contact is avoided.  Emails go unreplied to.  Today, we break down a few awkward office moments:

Multiple Greetings

There’s always that one co-worker who you really don’t talk to, but happen to politely speak to on the regular. They could work in your office, or they could work in your building.  You get up to use the restroom, pass by this colleague, smile, say, “Hi,” and keep it moving.  Upon leaving the restroom, it’s like they were timing you… waiting for the exact moment you walk out, only to cross paths with you again.  What’s the protocol?  Do you speak again?  Do you say, “Hi,” again as if it never happened?  Do you pretend to check your phone in order to avoid the awkward eye contact that will inevitably ensue?  Do you stare them down to see who will crack first?  Awkward!

Just Got the Internet

There is always someone in the office whose only experience with computers, or anything electronic, occurs between the hours of 9:00 A.M. and 5:00 P.M.  This is the person who still sends those emails about how Microsoft will pay you for every person you forward said email to.  It is also the same person who will “Reply All” to the same types of emails.  The internet hoax is red flavor, and they drink the koolaid.  They love the koolaid.  They bathe in it.  It’s refreshing.  Will God still bless me if I don’t forward your message to 100 other people?  Are pictures of 400lbs fat ladies, wearing spandex in Wal-Mart really work safe?  You never provided your bank info, but has that Microsoft money hit your account yet?

Computer Illiterates

Similar to those above, these folks are the ones who will be the first to go when Skynet becomes self-aware.  They’re frustrated because Microsoft Word won’t open, and decide to call you to help them.  Despite the fact that you have a whopping Bachelor’s degree in History, they deem you the computer guru of the office since you have experience sending emails with attachments.  Situations like these go something like this:

Idiot:  Sorry to bother you, but this computer is acting up!

You:  What’s the problem?

Idiot:  I’m trying to open Microsoft Word, but it won’t open. Ahh, this is so frustrating!

You:  Let’s see….. There you go!  Opened right up!

Idiot:  What did you do?

You:  I think you have to double-click the icon.

Idiot:  Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

*Facepalm

This Conversation Is Over

You’re in the break room.  Your co-worker walks in.  You engage in small talk.  This person decides they want to have an in-depth conversation, simultaneously, about world hunger, Extreme Couponing, their vacation to Liberty Land, and how their kid did the cutest thing last night.  You spend the next 10 minutes, smiling, nodding, and looking engaged.  All the while, you’re plotting your exit.  Do you make up an excuse to go to leave?  Do you just walk off while they’re in mid-sentence?  Wait for another co-worker to walk in and bail you out?  Awkward!

What about you?  What are some other awkward office situations you have experienced?  Leave a comment, and chime in.

Cool Things: Pandora Adds Comedy

Pandora RadioLarge 300x300 Cool Things: Pandora Adds Comedy

http://www.cnn.com/2011/TECH/web/05/04/pandora.comedy.mashable/index.html

“Pandora has expanded from music to jokes with the addition of 10,000 comedy clips from more than 700 comedians to its Internet radio service.”

If you have the Pandora app on your smartphone, then I recommend Chris Rock, Louis CK, Jim Gaffigan, Donald Glover, and of course Kevin Hart.

Bin Laden’s Death Should Be Celebrated…

Americans Celebrate BinLaden Death 300x169 Bin Ladens Death Should Be Celebrated...

Osama Bin Laden is dead.

When news spread Sunday night about Bin Laden’s death, video started circulating which showed Americans celebrating his death.  In D.C., Americans gathered in front of the White House.  In New York, Americans took to the streets in jubilee.  Survivors and families of 9/11 victims cried.  Chants were shouted in patriotic unison.  The national anthem was sung.  But more than pride, there was an overwhelming sense of relief. 

This is the reason why Bin Laden’s death should be celebrated.  It’s a relief.  There are those who feel uneasy about the excessive celebrating.  There are those who may feel the celebrating was hypocritical for those who consider themselves Christian or religious in any way.  The fact of the matter is that Bin Laden declared war on the United States of America.  He declared war on western civilization.  He declared war on any sympathizers of America, including other coutries that were predominantly Muslim.  He took credit for the U.S. Embassy bombings of 1998.  He took credit for the 9/11 attacks.  He killed thousands of people, including many Muslims.  He was a murderer. 

The death of Bin Laden is bigger than Bin Laden himself.  The death of Bin Laden is not the death of terrorism itself.  The death of Bin Laden in itself is the death of an ideal.  It is the death of a symbol.  In a sense, it was closure.  And the act of celebrating is a projected demonstration of the sense of closure that Americans have been seeking for ten years.

Sometimes, when you read a book, you may re-read it many times over.  Sometimes you get stuck on a particular chapter.  You may find yourself losing sleep, eyes heavy, from searching for meaning.  Sometimes you just want to finish the chapter so that you can rest… knowing that you’ll pick the book back up the next day to start a new chapter and search for new meanings.   

We know this isn’t the end of the book, but it is the end of a chapter.  We can rest… for now.

20 Something Things About Being 20 Something

20 Something cover FINAL 300x300 20 Something Things About Being 20 Something

1.  You pay for a degree graduate and earn your degree.  As soon as you get your degree though, you find out that you need more experience.

2.  Anyone 18 or younger all of sudden looks like a baby.  If you’re over 25, anyone under 25 looks like a baby.

3.  You make it through 4-5 years of undegrad, complete with all-night/morning study & cram sessions, without becoming a coffee or caffeine addict.  After 3-6 months of staying out til 3:00 A.M., coffee & caffeine are like cocaine… and you’re Charlie Sheen.

4.  Your goal is to be a millionaire, or at least a thousandaire, by age 30.  Yet, you don’t own one business.  Upon realizing this, you experience what is known as the quarter-life crisis.

5. In the club a social setting, your checklist went something like this:  booty, breasts, face.  Now it’s booty, breasts, face, ring finger.

6. Your parents start to make sense in a lot ways.

7. Your parents stop making sense in a lot of ways.

8. If it wasn’t relevant beforehand, local, national, and/or world news is now relevant to you.

9. Virgins exist in an alternate reality where machines have taken over the world, harvesting human body heat for power, and suduing their minds through a simulated reality called The Matrix.  Also, in this alternate reality, all black women with four-year philosophy degrees have successful, degree’d-up husbands with Insanity/P90X bodies, Paul Pierce has the sharpest shape up in America, all jobs start out at $100K, and Kobe Bryant is only known as a dish on the menu of a Japanese Steakhouse.

10.  If you do listen to the radio, then it’s mostly talk radio and morning shows.

11.  You realize it’s not the end of the world if you don’t go out on the weekend.

12. You learn the true value of sleep.

13.  Somebody you know gets married every week.

14. You realize you’re not invincible

15. Cheap liquor takes a much worse toll on your body.

16. Fighting becomes a last resort.

17.  Post-grad Greek life means nothing unless you’re lame.

18.  You think about how you would whoop other peoples kids you see them acting crazy in public.

19.  Rocking the homeless-Professor look from Goodwill is a better look than wearing Fubu, Phat Farm, Coogi, Ecko, or any kind of urban wear.

20.  At 18-19 yrs old, your requirements for dating someone included whether they had their own car or not.  At 20-something, your requirements include a 401k and benefits.

21.  Reading has become a form of entertainment.

22.  You’re old enough to be considered an adult, but young enough to not be considered, “old.”  This is awkward, and is the main reason for bad decisions made, “because I was young and just having fun.”  See:  Lindsey Lohan.

What Have You Done for Me Lately?

Michael Eric Dyson 241x300 What Have You Done for Me Lately?

Apparently, Barack Obama hasn’t done enough for black people.

Black leader intellectual, Michael Eric Dyson, in a talk in Iowa last week, made a comment about President Obama’s lack of dialogue on race:

“What difference does it make to have a black president? Maybe not a damn thing. Maybe it’s worse than a white president, ’cause he won’t even talk about race.”

Dyson continued, “I love him, but I will not be silenced.  I’m not asking you to speak up (for black communities) ’cause you’re a black man. I’m asking you to speak up ’cause you’re the president.”

*First of all, if you’re somewhat familiar with Michael Eric Dyson, and have ever heard him speak (whether in person or on tv/radio), then you probably know this “talk” was full of all the Dictionary.com Words of the Day from January 1, 2011 through February 17, 2011.   If you’re also familiar with Dyson, then you know that black leaders intellectuals like him believe that anything black, or race related, is their bailiwick.  But that is neither here nor there….  I receive the daily Word of the Day from Dictionary.com, and I just wanted to use, “bailiwick,” in a sentence.

Back to Dyson, he’s earned his title as an intellectual.  He’s a tenured professor at Georgetown.  Last time I checked, that was a pretty decent school.  Being that Dyson is an intellectual, he should know that politics is a way harsher game than the lecture circuit which he frequents.  A few points:

-President Obama, in some circles, is viewed as a Nazi Socialist who wants to ruin America.  His every political move is challenged and questioned.  Some people don’t even believe he is an American citizen.  Despite undeniable proof of his citizenship, these same people still believe his mama paid the State of Hawaii to cover it up.   He has professed his Christian faith numerous times, yet people still believe he is a Muslim (like there is something wrong with him being a Muslim).  Even during the 2008 campaign, a simple sign of support, affection, and “I got your back,” with his wife was lauded as a “terrorist fist bump.”  White Whitmore fear is at an all-time high.  Yet, you want him to stand up and speak more about how black folks can’t catch a break race when white people overwhelmingly voted him in?  That would be political suicide.

– If Dyson would recall, one of Obama’s shining moments came in 2008, in the wake of the Reverend Wright issues.  Obama gave one of the most impressive, moving, and insightful speeches on race in recent memory.  If you go back and read that speech, Obama not only started a dialogue on race, but he sparked a dialogue on the idea of a post-racial America.

– Just the mere fact that Obama is the first black president has done more for black people since King and the Civil Rights Movement.  When teachers and adults tell black kids that they can be anything in the world, including president, then they are no longer selling a dream.  It actually happened.  And if it actually happened, then it can happen again.  Black kids now have more to aspire to than rapping, singing, playing sports, or acting.

– Barack Obama is the president of the United States of America, not just black people.  With that said…

How about we focus on getting him re-elected?  Follow me on this…

Everyone knows that President Obama is seeking re-election for a second term.  The Rethuglicans know that they have no viable candidate who can beat Obama right now.  During his first term, Obama has had to govern from the center.  In other words, he’s had to walk on eggshells and concede on issues he really believes in for the greater good.

Now imagine a black president in his second term, with no possibility of being re-elected.  If Obama is re-elected in 2012, then I’m predicting 2016 will be when he goes on his When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong tour.  He’ll be unfiltered.  He’ll be on his way out of office.  He will have the platform to say and do all the things he has always wanted to say since 2009.  Us black people might even get reparations checks out of the whole thing!  Who knows?  I just think that by 2015-2016, we could get this version of the president.

So my plea to Michael Eric Dyson is simple:  DON’T MESS THIS UP!

What do you think?  Should Obama talk more about race?  Is Obama doing enough for race relations?

Are We Equal?

gender equality 703350 Are We Equal?

Anything you can do,
I can do better.
I can do anything
Better than you.

No, you can’t.
Yes, I can. No, you can’t.
Yes, I can. No, you can’t.
Yes, I can,
Yes, I can!

Anything you can be
I can be greater.
Sooner or later,
I’m greater than you.

No, you’re not. Yes, I am.
No, you’re not. Yes, I am.
No, you’re NOT!. Yes, I am.
Yes, I am!

– Anything You Can Do, performed by Annie Oakley and Frank Butler

So today is going to be one of those controversial post that would probably have me in the dog house if I were married.

I start off with a simple question.   Are men and women equal?  I’m not asking that question in the whole, “have women came to a point where they are treated the same in society”?  I’m not asking, “has the women’s movement achieved it’s goal”?

I’m asking are women and men equal?  Can women do anything that men can do?

Should men be the head of the household or is that an archaic tradition based on an outdated idea that men are the superior of the species?

Let’s look at it from a couple of aspects.

1. Purely animal state/secular level – In all other species of animals it seems like the males of the species run the household.  Take lions for example.  Lionesses kill food and then before she gets to eat, the male eats first.  And on top of that he usually has a pack of women.  He runs the whole pride.  Him and his lionesses.  He protects them because he is the more powerful of the species.  And for this protection he gets to make babies and have his food brought to him.

2.  Religion – I think just about every major religion has some part of it’s moral code based on the idea that the man is the head of the household.  One can only infer from that that he is the superior of the species (sorry I been studying for the GMAT so ignore how I’m writing).

Now one thing thing that the animal example omits is whether the female is smarter.  Which I think if you look at the example she actually is.   All the male does is protect the pride.  She actually has to run a household.  I think that takes a lot more intelligence.

The religion this is also tricky too.  We have seen a lot of inferior men use this to dominant relationships.

So how do I feel.  Do I think men and women are equal…

Well… No…

I let you gasp and cuss me out for a second…

This is why.  I think intelligent wise women are just a smart as men and based on the stupid things we do for you guys it may be easy to prove you are actually smarter.  But when it comes to physical strength hands down men win.  If you couple that with our almost as good intelligence we win the battle.

Now I know there are a lot of outliers out there when it comes to women being superior, but in aggregate I think we are the clear winners here.

So this is a time when I’m asked should men be the head of the household.  I think so, but let me add a disclaimer here.   Men can only head a house that they are taking care of.  If he is the head, that family should never worry about anything.   With great power comes great responsibility.

Now when you stop calling me a pig and cussing I want to hear your thoughts.   People at the Cool Table… Are men and women equal?  Is one sex superior?  Which one?

“Everything’s Amazing & Nobody’s Happy” – Learn to Appreciate Stuff

rose colored glasses Everythings Amazing & Nobodys Happy   Learn to Appreciate Stuff

Louis CK has a stand-up album called Hilarious that cause me to have an epiphany.   If you haven’t seen it you should check it out.

He has a section in it called… “Everything’s Amazing & Nobody’s Happy”.

In it he talks about how we complain about everything, but how we never sit back and just realize how good we have things.

I mean think about it.  We complain about flying, but really thinking about flying.   You sit in a plane and go through the air at hundreds of miles an hour and you don’t even feel it unless there is some turbulence.  You can go from New York to California in 5 hours.  In the 1800’s that trip would have took you 3 months and you were likely not to show up in California with the same people you left New York with.

I think about my own life.  I complain about my job a lot.  I get mad because I don’t have a enough work to do and my boss ignores me sometime.  Now let me give you some background.  I have my own office,  my boss doesn’t keep up with my vacation time, I get paid a decent salary, and I’m black.

Can you imagine me complaining to my great-great-great grandfather that was a slave?

Me: I’m tired of my job I don’t do anything.

GGG-grandfather:  Son…You’re a b!tch.  Do you want to switch places?

Your boss ignores you.  I have freaking overseer!

You have an office.  I stay in a shack with 20 people half the size of your office.

You get paid in money.  I get paid in chitlins and rags for clothes.

You get vacation time…. Vacation!  You lazy M.F.  You don’t even work that much.  I work!  I plant enough food to feed Mississippi every day.  Do you know how much a country ninja in Mississippi  can eat?

You sicken me!

So good people at the cool table I implore you to sit back and really think about all the stuff we take for granted and really start to appreciate it.

Ain’t No Reason to Be That Dumb

dumb ring Aint No Reason to Be That Dumb

I know that’s not correct grammar, but I’m on a bit of rant.

Why are people so dumb?  I mean seriously.  I could see if this was the 40’s and there was one library in town and it was Whites Only, but information is so readily available.

I mean you can go on a computer and go this white page with a box on it.  You can type whatever the heck want in that box and wealth of information pops up (for the dumb this place is google.com).

Well the reason I’m so mad is because I get tired of people asking me questions they know the answer to or they can get the answer.  I have a co-worker that ask me some of the most elementary crap I have ever been ask in my life.  Questions like what comes after the number 4.  Google it you dumb broad!

Do you ever listen to people talk now?  It’s like wikipedia doesn’t even exist.  I’m just saying there is no reason to be dumb.  It’s too easy to learn now.

People of the Cool Table share a story of a time you said to yourself… “Ain’t no reason for you to be that dumb.”  Maybe you actually said that to them… That would be even better.

Settling the Crackhead Issue

tumblr lafarzu3oE1qa2iui Settling the Crackhead Issue

Crack is wack… unless you have self control.

Charlie Sheen, in a recent radio interview, has been quoted as saying that people should stay away from crack cocaine, “unless they can manage it socially.”

Of course! It all makes sense now:

Whitney Houston
Bobby Brown
Tyrone Biggums
Former D.C. Mayor Marion Berry
Robert Downey, Jr.
Courtney Love

And countless others… They weren’t addicts!  They didn’t have a problem!  They were all just socially inept!

This doesn’t settle the issue though. There is still unfinished business left on the table. Yes, here at The Cool Table, we will answer the age old question: Does doing crack one time make you a crackhead?

After reading what Charlie Sheen had to say, my answer is this: If you are able to try crack one time, and only one time, then you are obviously more than capable of managing it socially. So, it doesn’t make you a “crackhead.” It just makes you “crackish.”

But that rule is limited to only trying it once though. That’s the rule. Trying it twice, even 1.5 times = crackhead. One time = crackish.

What say you? What would you say is the crackhead threshold? 🙂

Is Online Dating the Elementary Note?

likeme 300x225 Is Online Dating the Elementary Note?

We’ve all gotten the note when we were kids. It usually went something like this:

Do you like me?

_Yes

_No

And typically we got something like this back:

_Yes

_ No

X Maybe

I got a lot of these:

_ Yes

_ No

X Maybe Hell No

LOL But anyway…

I think as kids, we had the right idea. We didn’t play around when it came down to dating. It was put all out there from the beginning. If you got a note, there was no mistaking what time it was. If we sat next to each other during lunch, or our mats were next to each other during nap time, then we were together.

But as we got older the nuances of male-female, or female-female, or male-male, or Animal- Human (Or whatever you’re into. We don’t judge here at the Cool Table you nasty mutha…) have changed.

Somehow a person coming to ask you for your number at the club, or you going on date with a person, no longer automatically means the person is interested. But we all know it really does. Somehow we have tricked ourselves into thinking that dating is this complicated social process in which every word and every phrase is over-thought.

“I just want to be friends,” no longer means that to people. We say that, and then we proceed to have friendly sex… Leaving both parties forever confused.

Then there is the opposite. We go out on a date, and the date is riddled with awkward moments without clear signals of how you two should proceed.

Well, I think we need to go back to the days of elementary. Say what you want about kids, but they got this dating stuff down to an exact science.

I write a note, we get together, we figure out it’s not going to work by recess, and we are dating someone new by the next day…LOL

Well we can’t go back to elementary, so what is a person to do?

In comes Online Dating. 

I know what you’re thinking, and I have my reservations too. But I had a friend ask me about the idea of online dating. I suppose my issue came from the idea that the internet is where crazy people go to find their next victim. But in reality, we run the same risk as we do if we meet someone in public.

To be honest, when you really think about it though, this type of dating actually solves the problem. It is the electronic “do you like me” note.

You put yourself out there, and someone contacts you to let you know they are interested (They check yes). If you don’t get contacted by people (They are checking no) then you don’t have to deal with the rejection face to face. And best of all, there are no “maybes” here. You go out with no one, and go on to save having the slightest thought that this is just a “friendly date”. All intentions are known up front, and if doesn’t work out then you’re back on the prowl.

I’ll be honest.  I’m not bold enough to jump online and pimp myself out yet. But I can’t knock anyone who does. At least they are going for what they want.

So what say you? Is Online Dating okay? Is it the grown-up form of the Elementary Note? Is it just as efficient?