You know… at some point, in life, you have to grow up. There are certain people you have to disassociate with, and certain places, where said people congregate, that you have to stop going to. One of these places is the club.
I’m not talking about being uppity. It’s not that you went and got that certificate from ITT, and now you wanna go acting all brand new. No, you simply have to grow up. As you continue to grow, mature, and move up in life, your future gets brighter. You have goals. You have aspirations. Some people have families to take care of. It’s not that you’re too good to certain places. You just have a future, and don’t want to throw it away by putting yourself in certain situations that can be avoided.
One of these situations is the club.
But what constitutes an establishment as “the club?” Glad you asked…
1) You can wear Jordans and get in.
2) When you leave at 3:00 A.M., you smell like kush, Newports, and malt liquor.
3) “Down For My N***as,” by C-Murdah, is still in regular rotation there.
4) C-Murdah himself, and his look-a-likes, are still in regular rotation there.
5) The women have tattoos… on their faces.
These types of places may have been fun when you were younger. They’re cheap to get in. The drinks are cheap. You can still pick up a woman wearing FUBU Platinum. But as you continue to grow, then chances are you want to be around and socialize with like-minded people. Chances are you would want to talk to a woman with standards higher than clean Air Force One’s and Coogi. You also wouldn’t want to put yourself in situations where you end up getting robbed or going to jail (because you got in a fight stepping on some random dude’s Pumas) on some bull.
What do you think? What are some other characteristics of “the club?”
As we grow older, a lot of things we once valued aren’t as valuable to us as they once were. The way we thought the world works isn’t exactly how the world works. Is it that we have lost faith, or do we just see things for how they really are?
Being popular is more important than being smart… how silly of me.
Having things is more important than having assets… how silly of me.
Not realizing every mistake or sin is fear-based… how silly of me.
Trying to change people rather than being the change I want to see… how silly of me.
What have you realized that you have been silly of? How do you see the world now compared to when you were 18? 21?
*The soundtrack for today’s post is, “How Silly of Me,” by artist 607 (one half of the duo, earFear). You can hear more here.
But, for the sake of argument, let’s just say you’re at the club.
You walk around. You’re having a good time. You decide to hit the dance floor… upon which you witness the following (WARNING: Turn your speakers down. This video contains profanity):
Yesterday I talked about my reality shows ideas and I would like to see them on TV. Sadly my agent said the networks shot them down… oh well…
I’m starting to notice how basically there is a chain reaction to reality shows. Some people just go from one to the next. Or as the bible would put it… The devil begat The Surreal Life. The Surreal Life begat Strange Love, Strange Love Begat Flavor of Love, Flavor of Love begat I Love New York, and I Love New York Begat Real Chance at Love. And the beast was unleashed upon the Earth and reigned for a 1,000 years. And there were plagues and pestilence. And black people got dumber by the day… (oh sorry went on a little tangent there). Anyway…
I doubt that there are many career opportunities after being on these shows. Namely because most of these people weren’t employable in the first place. And usually after appearing on one of these shows, you make yourself unemployable. Because most employers would love to see you act a fool, but don’t want you doing it at McDonalds during the lunch time rush.
So I present to you the Top 5 careers after your stint on a reality show.
1. Another Reality Show. Hey keep those $700 an episode checks coming in. As long as you stay of tax payer money.
2. Go back to stripping. Cause let’s be honest that is the only job you can leave for a couple of weeks to go do a reality show like Real Chance at Love and come back right where you left off.
3. Rapper or Singer. Most use this as a spring board into those careers. And it has worked for…hmmm… drawing a blank here.
4. Acting. I doubt if you can make it fake reality work. I’m sure a script is going to be a bit difficult for you. But hey you can try it.
5. The typical business venture. Clothing line, book, etc. I’m sure it would have been just as easy to make a worthwhile product and work hard to make it happen. But hey we’re in a microwave society, so we don’t time for that work hard and be patient bull.
A friend of mine was going through some emails, and found an OLD poem I wrote over 5 years ago. I decided to share it with y’all. Check it out… *Ahem:
IF I curse does that mean I’m perceived as bad in your eyes,
When you’re just as profane in your actions?
But you know what they say, image is everything,
So I choose to live for the satisfaction
Of the God who created me in His image
Forget your reaction
IF you can’t seem to get in touch with me,
Maybe it’s not you, but my own problems I’m avoiding through solitude,
But since you’re the victim you call it rude
And though all is true,
You don’t even bother to leave a simple message on the voicemail,
So what reason do I have for calling you?
IF a girl has sex with many guys, is she a hoe?
I say no
See I debated… with a girl on this
And found a common ground where we related,
See a hoe has a pimp who collects figgaz,
And some girls pimp themselves, you know, gold-diggaz
So I figga’d, If you’re a girl who gives up the butt for free, not a fee,
Or a male who cuts because it takes two for such…
Then the politically correct term for you is a slut
IF you’re a female who claims to get along better with males than your
own gender,
Then what does that really say about you, sister?
Cause you’ll contradict and say all men are dogs
And if that fits me, of course I’ma go along, to get along, get you
home, and get a bone
Don’t get me wrong,
I’m just saying what I see in your attitude
So the proper gratitude is to admit the truth and change
Cause if we all did that, being normal wouldn’t be so strange
Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re far too kiiiiiind!
These days, there are reality shows everywhere. It seems as if everyone has a reality show… even people I’ve never heard of.
Pretty Wild? Ummmm no!
Kendra? Who the heck is Kendra?
Real Chance of Love? So you want to watch the average lame dude in the club and the stunt double for the black guy from Twilight… but with a perm… search through a group of opportunists ladies to find love?
What happened to good television? What happened to something that has an actual plot? Storyline? Irony? I thought TV was supposed to be a form of escapism. Why would I want to escape watching someone else live THEIR lives? No, thanks. I’d rather post up and do some actual people watching.
Still, all hope isn’t lost. I present to you a list of shows that still make great television. For now, we’ll just stick with sitcoms:
The Office
How I Met Your Mother:
Robot Chicken:
These are just a few. What say you? Name some other slept-on TV shows. Feel free to drop a Youtube link!
When I was in college, there was a dorm at my school called Confederate Memorial Hall. Most of the time it was just called Confederate Hall, which I don’t need to tell you caused many a black people to look like the way Three Six Mafia described Chinese women’s vaginas. It’s just something about the word “Confederate” that brings in thoughts of Kunta Kinte, and him being whipped into the name Toby. The reason for the name, Confederate Memorial Hall, was it was funded by the Daughters of the the Confederacy (DOC) as a memorial to the fallen soldiers of the Confederacy.
Well because of public outcry, the dorm’s name was changed to Memorial Hall. This was done without the DOC’s knowledge, and they sued (rightfully so). Well Vandy was a little smart. The university changed the name in all publications, but left the name on the building facade. They didn’t want to have to give UDC back the $50, 000 that was given to fund the dorm 72 years ago… Which in today’s dollars converts to about $2.2 million… or about a year’s tuition for one student …J/K…only a little. :(
While I was in college, I followed the crowd on this one which was, “Screw them! They made us slaves!” Well now I have to go back on that previous idea. Although slavery was a huge part of the Confederacy, I understand there were numerous other issues that caused that war. And those men, at the time, died for their country fighting for what they believed in. And if their people want to pay for a memorial for that, then I have to say that is all good to me… BUT…We have to see both sides of that: The dark and the light. Sadly, in most wars that are fought, only the winner gets to decide who was right. I’m sure if the South had won, the North would have the same problems with memorials.
“Treason is all a matter of dates ” – From the Movie the Count of Monte Cristo.
I’ll add to that it’s a matter of outcome as well.
But I say all that to keep my topic in perspective.
VA Gov. Bob McDonnell made the declaration that April will be “Confederate History Month”. Now I can see where people would have a problem with this. But let’s be clear (In my Obama voice)… I think it is just as wrong not to have a Confederate History month as it is to not to have Black History Month. He did it for a clear reason. He wanted to honor the past and boost tourism for the state. I don’t have a problem with that. But here is my problem Bob…
How dare you not cite the roll of slavery? Now Bob I don’t have a problem with you honoring your people, but don’t you dare not tell the whole truth. Keep it real son!
I think Martin Luther King was one of the greatest men to walk the Earth. We honor him as well as all black pioneers during Black History month. But let’s be honest. MLK smoked, and he messed around with other women. That’s the truth, and we would do ourselves a disservice not to tell the whole truth no matter how ugly it is.
I’m probably thinking too much on this one when I think about Bob’s merits. (Which I tend to do) But to me that is very careless and mildly racist.
So I don’t have any problem with what you do. I say leave the name Confederate Memorial Hall. I say have your Confederate Month. But don’t forget my heritage in the process.
So… You get home from work and go through the motions daily routine of talking to your significant other (whether on the phone or in person). You get the redundant, expected info from her about her day: Irritating co-worker, what she had for lunch, blah, blah, blah, etc. She’s on her spill when all of a sudden, she stops mid-sentence to say, “Oh, and guess who tried to holla at me today?”
Homer Simpson: Urge to kill… rising.
She then continues to go on about some gold-grill, extra crisply, Jerome-looking guy smelling like Sex Panther, who tried to talk to her. She goes on about how lame he looked, the corny things he said, blah, blah, blah, etc. Then she goes into the spill of how she turned him down and how she “HAS A MAN.”
Biggest backhanded compliment ever…
Guess what ladies? We don’t wanna hear that sh**!
Why? Glad you asked. Cue up Earth, Wind, & Fire. These are the reasons:
1. We know you’re frontin! Sure, you’re quick to complain and point out the Roland Martin lookin’ dude who tried to get at you… You tell us because you want us to get in the amen-corner with you on how he would have the audacity to even talk to you. You feel he’s almost beneath you in a sense. We understand. Good for you. A woman will be quick to mention to her man the uber-lame guys who approached her… but would you mention that Idris-Morris-Kodjoe-Bush (or whoever y’all ogle over nowadays) pulled up in a Ferrari, lavished you with compliments, and wanted to take you out? Would you mention that for a second you thought about giving him the draws number, before turning him down because you have a man? Exactly.
2. We’re men. We already know these things. So you’re mad that some guy approached you in Walmart while your hair was pinned back/in a scarf, you had on sweats, and were in straight up lounge mode? It’s a well known fact that men like azz. And azz, last time I checked, looks especially great in sweat pants. So I guess you could say… We’ll holla at anything! You look like a clone of Macy Gray & Esther Role in the face, but got a fatty? Holla! Holla! Holla! No makeup on and buckshots in your head? We’re not trying to smash your buckshots! Aunt Flo just came in town, you’re feeling bloated, and rockin’ one your worst fits? Lemme get that nummmmba! It’s a well known fact that every woman gets stared at, approached, commented on, glared at, etc, at least 2.5 times a day.
3. Do you need a compliment? Maybe your man doesn’t give you enough compliments. Maybe he’s starting to take you for granted. So casually letting him know that another guy wants you is letting him know that he needs to step his game up. You could just let him know directly, but that would be too much like right.
4. You can dish it out, but can’t take it. We don’t even have to mention Beyonce groped us in the elevator this morning. All we have to do is mention how that sweater you bought us caused Precious to give us the effdashytouttayou eye… and you’ll be ready to cut her!
So, ladies, remember this next time you think about telling your guy about who tried to holla at you. We know we’re not the only guy who finds you attractive. We just like to believe we are. Stroke that ego, baby! Stroke that ego!
This year marks my 10 year High School Reunion, and I’m sure this will be an interesting event. Watching people compare their lives with their peers… Seeing who has done well… Seeing who has not… Seeing how Agnes burst out that 300lb cocoon of fat, braces, and think glasses to become jet beauty of the week… Seeing who reverted back to a Neanderthal… Seeing who is still reminiscing on the 4 touch downs they scored in a single game. Like I said…
This is going to be interesting.
But I won’t lie, I did take some time to think about the last ten years of my life, the ups, the downs, and the in-betweens. And I asked myself, “Is this where I wanted to be?” The answer is simple: Hell no! I was “conversating” with my boy the other day and he put it all into perspective. He asked the question… “Where is my David?”
I asked him to explain himself. He went on to say that David was one of Michelangelo’s greatest masterpieces and he created by the age of 25. Now I’ve done some great things in my day, but to create a sculpture that has been world renown for centuries has far surpassed that one legendary house party I threw that everybody came to.
Well, this is put up or shut up time. I could have taken time to do the usual stuff people do. Make excuses as to why I don’t have my masterpiece…my poor background, Michelangelo isn’t the norm, etc. But I decided to ask myself constructively why I hadn’t created my David, and I implore you to ask yourself the same. These are the reasons I feel like my David is still a huge block of marble…
1.No focus… I, like most people at this point in my life, spent a lot of time on delusions of grandeur. Not that dreams aren’t great. But stop dreaming and get to work. Time. “she keeps on passin’ me by”.
2.You slacker… I bet if anyone looks at their life they don’t realize just how much time their wasting. I mean you are reading a blog right now from a no-talent writer and I’m sure there is something more important you could be doing.
3. No plans… I don’t know how many times I have heard, “N!gga we about to be big on this scene!!!” Usually it surrounds the entertainment industry: Rapping, promoting etc. Like black people are only limited to that industry. (That’s another post entirely). And generally their plans are worse than the underpants gnomes.
4. Too much fear… But what if I fail? So what?!! Learn from it, get up, and keep it moving. Stop being a little Kobe ( it’s my new word for b!tch)
My fellow nerds what other advice do you have for me to inspire me to get my David done?
I’ll be back to read after I sit on the couch daydreaming about my many hustles that I won’t write down because I don’t feel like it and I’m too scared to try.
So I’m wondering…
Is there a such thing as a soulmate,
Or is it a lemon dream that somebody sold me?
Is there a person whom God destined for me
Since I came out the womb and took my first steps like a probate?
Is it a fad or a gimmick?
If she’s at some type of party, church service, some type of function… I’m in it
I wonder how in the world can we be kindred spirits
When we both grown as h*ll and ain’t ever been out the city limits?!?!
Is there a such thing as a soulmate,
Or is it a lemon dream that somebody sold me?
It gets “cumber” with “some”
How can a lady be my earth when there ain’t nothing new under the sun?’
So if she’s the one that got away or, rather, she skidaddle’d
How do I know there ain’t three more like her somewhere in Seattle?
Perhaps she has a clone in Rome, or most certainly
A South African look-a-like, a doppelganger in Germany
I’m saying… is there a such thing as a soulmate,
Or is it a lemon dream that somebody sold me?
I guess the question’s rhetorical for the moment
Just my ramblings at 4:36 in the morning…
What do you think? Do you believe in soulmates? Do you believe you have found or come across your soulmate? Leave a comment and join the discussion!
