Category Archives: Relationships

Curve Your Thirst

curve 199x300 Curve Your Thirst

In 2011, you should never get a response like this.

 

If you have been on twitter for a while, then you may have heard the words, “thirst,” “thirsty,” or, “curve.”  These terms may be foreign to you now, but we practice the meaning behind these words almost everyday.  Today, we have decided to break this slang down so that you won’t be naked out there in the world… or end up naked and blaming someone else other than yourself.

Fact:  The thirst is real.

What exactly is, “thirst,” or, “being thirsty?”

Thirst – the act of exhibiting blatant or subtle desperation for the attention, recognition, validation, or affection of another; in a sober state, the act may or may not be direct; in an inebriated state, the act is direct, aggressive, and forthright; at the root of “thirst” is horniness, and it can only be combated with a “curve.”

What exactly is “the curve?

Curve – the act of combating blatant or subtle desperation for the attention, recognition, validation, or affection of another; a curve is most often indirect, but the meaning behind it is always implied;  the things women or men say and do to avoid someone who is interested in them.

But how do I know what the thirst looks like?  How do I know when I’m being curved?  Ahh, glad you asked.  Here are some examples:

Situation 1: You see a random girl on Twitter who you find attractive:

You: @sanctified_sexxi_mami is looking good in that profile pic. (Thirst)

She replies: Awww, thx boo 🙂 (Curve)

Breakdown: Upon reading your halfway creepy tweet, she immediately goes to check your profile.  If she finds you attractive, it’s flattering.  If she’s not interested, it’s creepy.  She’s not interested.  In order to help you out, let you down easy, and be cordial, she just says, “Thanks boo.”  She says, “boo,” to everybody though.  You’ve been curved.

Situation 2: You meet a girl, and go out on a date.  The date wasn’t bad, but you’re not sure if it was just great either.  A day after the date, you decide to call or text girl and see how she’s doing.  No response.  A couple of days pass, and you decide to give it another try.  You text her that morning:

You: “Good morning.  Had a cool time when we went out.  Hopefully we can hang out again.  Hope you have a good day today.”

Her: (5 hours later) Hi Friend!  Thx(Curve).

Breakdown: Well, friend, you’ve just been curved.  Anytime a woman says, “Hi friend,” it means you have been friend-zoned into the outermost realms of friend-zonededness.

Situation 3: 97% of women who go to NBA All-Star Weekend… give 3%.  With turkey basters tucked away neatly in their clutch handbags, these women have a 3 step plan: 1) Land a baller.  Any baller.  Delonte West will do.  2) Get pregnant. 3) Land on Season 8 of Basketball Wives, officially launching their brand.

Situation 4: You’ve been chasing or in the friend zone interested in a certain young lady for quite a while.  She’s not interested you, but continually “curves” you.   However, as years go by, the tables turn.  She added 50 lbs to her 5’3 frame, and you now look like Dwight Howard in the shoulders.  She sees you out one night.  You both speak.  Her interest is peaked.  You almost throw up.  One day, you get a random text:

Her:  Wow you lost a lot of weight.  You look really good now.  We should kick it some time.  I really want to know how you changed your body so much.  I really need a workout buddy. (Thirst)

You:  Yeah, hit me up on Facebook and we’ll make it happen. (Curve)

What about you?  Name some times where you may have “curved” or been given the “curve.”

Getting to Know You…

date 0 300x235 Getting to Know You...

Let’s look at a few scenarios:

Scenario 1: A man and woman go out on a first date.  They catch a hilarious movie, and exchange small talk before and during the movie.  After the movie, they go to a wine bar for drinks and conversation.

Scenario 2: An attractive, young, professional woman meets a man who seems to “have it all together.”  On the surface, he meets all of her standards and criteria.  After a couple of dates, she decides to friend him on Facebook, follow him on Twitter, and stalk check out his tweets and status messages from time to time.  She finds that he acts one way with her, yet his tweets and status updates depict an insecure, misoginistic, guy with a potty mouth and a slight obession with Justin Bieber.

Scenario 3: A man and woman, who just met two weeks ago, have been having lunch together 3-4 times a week ever since.  Each lunch date consists of laughs, jokes, discussions on intriguing topics, and deep conversation.

Scenario 4: A couple has been dating exclusively for 2 months.  The relationship is new.   The guy describes his girlfriend as kind, patient, and down to earth.  The lady describes her boyfriend as caring, sweet, and patient.  One day, the woman decides to treat herself to a $150 pair of shoes.  Upon leaving the mall, the woman’s car won’t start.   She calls her man to pick her up.  He just sat in the chair at the barbershop, and said he’ll be there as soon as he gets out the chair.  She hangs up on him.  When he finally arrives, she gets in the car with a visible attitude, clutching her shopping bags, and makes a snarky remark toward him.  He makes a snarky remark back.  They end up arguing in the car and cussing each other out.  During the argument, they both call each other out their names.

Scenario 5: A woman meets a man at a lounge, and is really interested.  They exchange numbers, and agree to go out on a date.  Before going out on a date, the woman decides to look up the man one of those “people finder” sites (that shows public court documents, criminal history, etc.), and finds that he has a criminal record due to a incident that occurred 10 years prior.

Now…

Out of all these scenarios, (assuming the goal is getting to know someone else and not to just end up in a relationship) which one do YOU believe is the ideal way to really get to know someone?

Awkward Office Moments

Dwight Schrute 793550 239x300 Awkward Office Moments

Ahh, the awkward office moment… It’s the point of habitual line steppage, if only for a moment, between colleagues, superiors, and/or subordinates.  It’s the point where you’re walking on eggshells, only to realize that you’re barefoot and eggshells can cut up your feet.  Laughs quickly morph into embarrassing silence.  Eye contact is avoided.  Emails go unreplied to.  Today, we break down a few awkward office moments:

Multiple Greetings

There’s always that one co-worker who you really don’t talk to, but happen to politely speak to on the regular. They could work in your office, or they could work in your building.  You get up to use the restroom, pass by this colleague, smile, say, “Hi,” and keep it moving.  Upon leaving the restroom, it’s like they were timing you… waiting for the exact moment you walk out, only to cross paths with you again.  What’s the protocol?  Do you speak again?  Do you say, “Hi,” again as if it never happened?  Do you pretend to check your phone in order to avoid the awkward eye contact that will inevitably ensue?  Do you stare them down to see who will crack first?  Awkward!

Just Got the Internet

There is always someone in the office whose only experience with computers, or anything electronic, occurs between the hours of 9:00 A.M. and 5:00 P.M.  This is the person who still sends those emails about how Microsoft will pay you for every person you forward said email to.  It is also the same person who will “Reply All” to the same types of emails.  The internet hoax is red flavor, and they drink the koolaid.  They love the koolaid.  They bathe in it.  It’s refreshing.  Will God still bless me if I don’t forward your message to 100 other people?  Are pictures of 400lbs fat ladies, wearing spandex in Wal-Mart really work safe?  You never provided your bank info, but has that Microsoft money hit your account yet?

Computer Illiterates

Similar to those above, these folks are the ones who will be the first to go when Skynet becomes self-aware.  They’re frustrated because Microsoft Word won’t open, and decide to call you to help them.  Despite the fact that you have a whopping Bachelor’s degree in History, they deem you the computer guru of the office since you have experience sending emails with attachments.  Situations like these go something like this:

Idiot:  Sorry to bother you, but this computer is acting up!

You:  What’s the problem?

Idiot:  I’m trying to open Microsoft Word, but it won’t open. Ahh, this is so frustrating!

You:  Let’s see….. There you go!  Opened right up!

Idiot:  What did you do?

You:  I think you have to double-click the icon.

Idiot:  Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

*Facepalm

This Conversation Is Over

You’re in the break room.  Your co-worker walks in.  You engage in small talk.  This person decides they want to have an in-depth conversation, simultaneously, about world hunger, Extreme Couponing, their vacation to Liberty Land, and how their kid did the cutest thing last night.  You spend the next 10 minutes, smiling, nodding, and looking engaged.  All the while, you’re plotting your exit.  Do you make up an excuse to go to leave?  Do you just walk off while they’re in mid-sentence?  Wait for another co-worker to walk in and bail you out?  Awkward!

What about you?  What are some other awkward office situations you have experienced?  Leave a comment, and chime in.

Are We Equal?

gender equality 703350 Are We Equal?

Anything you can do,
I can do better.
I can do anything
Better than you.

No, you can’t.
Yes, I can. No, you can’t.
Yes, I can. No, you can’t.
Yes, I can,
Yes, I can!

Anything you can be
I can be greater.
Sooner or later,
I’m greater than you.

No, you’re not. Yes, I am.
No, you’re not. Yes, I am.
No, you’re NOT!. Yes, I am.
Yes, I am!

– Anything You Can Do, performed by Annie Oakley and Frank Butler

So today is going to be one of those controversial post that would probably have me in the dog house if I were married.

I start off with a simple question.   Are men and women equal?  I’m not asking that question in the whole, “have women came to a point where they are treated the same in society”?  I’m not asking, “has the women’s movement achieved it’s goal”?

I’m asking are women and men equal?  Can women do anything that men can do?

Should men be the head of the household or is that an archaic tradition based on an outdated idea that men are the superior of the species?

Let’s look at it from a couple of aspects.

1. Purely animal state/secular level – In all other species of animals it seems like the males of the species run the household.  Take lions for example.  Lionesses kill food and then before she gets to eat, the male eats first.  And on top of that he usually has a pack of women.  He runs the whole pride.  Him and his lionesses.  He protects them because he is the more powerful of the species.  And for this protection he gets to make babies and have his food brought to him.

2.  Religion – I think just about every major religion has some part of it’s moral code based on the idea that the man is the head of the household.  One can only infer from that that he is the superior of the species (sorry I been studying for the GMAT so ignore how I’m writing).

Now one thing thing that the animal example omits is whether the female is smarter.  Which I think if you look at the example she actually is.   All the male does is protect the pride.  She actually has to run a household.  I think that takes a lot more intelligence.

The religion this is also tricky too.  We have seen a lot of inferior men use this to dominant relationships.

So how do I feel.  Do I think men and women are equal…

Well… No…

I let you gasp and cuss me out for a second…

This is why.  I think intelligent wise women are just a smart as men and based on the stupid things we do for you guys it may be easy to prove you are actually smarter.  But when it comes to physical strength hands down men win.  If you couple that with our almost as good intelligence we win the battle.

Now I know there are a lot of outliers out there when it comes to women being superior, but in aggregate I think we are the clear winners here.

So this is a time when I’m asked should men be the head of the household.  I think so, but let me add a disclaimer here.   Men can only head a house that they are taking care of.  If he is the head, that family should never worry about anything.   With great power comes great responsibility.

Now when you stop calling me a pig and cussing I want to hear your thoughts.   People at the Cool Table… Are men and women equal?  Is one sex superior?  Which one?

Cabin Fever Epiphany

heres johnny 300x227 Cabin Fever Epiphany

Everyone get ready.  There will be a huge baby boom from Sept-Nov this year.   Why you ask?  Because there are 8 inches of snow on the ground in freakin’ Arkansas… Freakin’ Arkansas!!! Not to mention, this is like the third snow of the season.  And of course people are getting there bam-chicka-wah-wah on. (Cuddling weather, I believe they call this.)

So needless to say I have been stuck in the house all day because of this weather, and I have a serious case of cabin fever.  I’m not a homebody, so anything that keeps me in the house for long periods of time makes me a little crazy.

On second thought, I actually do spend quite of bit of time at home. But anytime I HAVE to stay in doors it causes me some issues.  As long as I know I can go somewhere I’m good.

Which brings me to today’s discussion/question?  Why do we want what we can’t have?

As long as I know I can go somewhere I’m good even if I have no intentions of leaving the house.  But as soon as I can’t go anywhere I’m going stir crazy.

And we do it in all parts of life:

-Jobs you don’t even want, but you get mad when you don’t get them.

-If you’re a guy, and you try to get a girl’s number, and she rejects you, you get mad.  But you were just hollering at her cause you were bored.  You weren’t even going to call her…lol

I believe that is why people consume sooo much.  When people finally get money, they buy stuff they couldn’t get when they were broke.  They bought what they couldn’t have.  Unfortunately a lot of people are still left empty.

So shed light on this for me.  Why do people want what they can’t have?

Is Online Dating the Elementary Note?

likeme 300x225 Is Online Dating the Elementary Note?

We’ve all gotten the note when we were kids. It usually went something like this:

Do you like me?

_Yes

_No

And typically we got something like this back:

_Yes

_ No

X Maybe

I got a lot of these:

_ Yes

_ No

X Maybe Hell No

LOL But anyway…

I think as kids, we had the right idea. We didn’t play around when it came down to dating. It was put all out there from the beginning. If you got a note, there was no mistaking what time it was. If we sat next to each other during lunch, or our mats were next to each other during nap time, then we were together.

But as we got older the nuances of male-female, or female-female, or male-male, or Animal- Human (Or whatever you’re into. We don’t judge here at the Cool Table you nasty mutha…) have changed.

Somehow a person coming to ask you for your number at the club, or you going on date with a person, no longer automatically means the person is interested. But we all know it really does. Somehow we have tricked ourselves into thinking that dating is this complicated social process in which every word and every phrase is over-thought.

“I just want to be friends,” no longer means that to people. We say that, and then we proceed to have friendly sex… Leaving both parties forever confused.

Then there is the opposite. We go out on a date, and the date is riddled with awkward moments without clear signals of how you two should proceed.

Well, I think we need to go back to the days of elementary. Say what you want about kids, but they got this dating stuff down to an exact science.

I write a note, we get together, we figure out it’s not going to work by recess, and we are dating someone new by the next day…LOL

Well we can’t go back to elementary, so what is a person to do?

In comes Online Dating. 

I know what you’re thinking, and I have my reservations too. But I had a friend ask me about the idea of online dating. I suppose my issue came from the idea that the internet is where crazy people go to find their next victim. But in reality, we run the same risk as we do if we meet someone in public.

To be honest, when you really think about it though, this type of dating actually solves the problem. It is the electronic “do you like me” note.

You put yourself out there, and someone contacts you to let you know they are interested (They check yes). If you don’t get contacted by people (They are checking no) then you don’t have to deal with the rejection face to face. And best of all, there are no “maybes” here. You go out with no one, and go on to save having the slightest thought that this is just a “friendly date”. All intentions are known up front, and if doesn’t work out then you’re back on the prowl.

I’ll be honest.  I’m not bold enough to jump online and pimp myself out yet. But I can’t knock anyone who does. At least they are going for what they want.

So what say you? Is Online Dating okay? Is it the grown-up form of the Elementary Note? Is it just as efficient?

You Can Help It!!!

103742269 300x199 You Can Help It!!!

Ahhh, yes, the old routine.  You meet someone.  You fall in love.  The relationship seems great.  Then you break up only to realize that the whole thing was a match made in heaven… that set the fires in hell (shout out to Lupe).

Normally, when we reflect on old relationships, post-breakup, we always tend to self-soothe with all sorts of clichéd sayings and old adages:

“It wasn’t meant to be.”

“I should have recognized the signs.”

“If they cheat with you then they will cheat on you.”

“You can’t help who you fall in love with.”

That last statement is rubbish… foolery… complete and utter shullbit… It’s simply not true and, in fact, is a cop out.  Because the fact of the matter is… you CAN help who you fall in love with.  How can you help it?  Glad you asked.  Our two words for the day, class, are choice and action.  Let’s look deeper at these:

Choice: A man and woman meet.  They choose to exchange contact information.  Man (or woman) chooses to contact the other.  The other chooses to answer the phone (or respond to the text/email).  They choose a time and place to go out on a date.  They choose to continue seeing each other.  They choose to enter into a relationship.

Action: A man and a woman meet.  Man asks for the woman’s number.  Woman gives man her number.  Man calls woman.  Woman answers man’s phone call.  Man and woman talk.  Man and woman go out on a date.  Man and woman continue to talk routinely.  Man and woman get involved physically.  Man and woman continue to spend time together.  Man and woman finally enter into a relationship.

Now let’s say the man doesn’t smoke, and the woman smokes at least 5 black n’ milds a day.   Suppose the woman is a Christian, and the man is part of the black, boughie chapter of the Illuminati… the Illuminatae, if you will.  Suppose the woman wants children and the man doesn’t.  Suppose the man is already in a relationship but “not happy,” while the woman is looking for something serious.  Suppose the woman isn’t looking for anything serious right now, and the man is.

All of these are things that you would either know up front or find out eventually (usually after a few conversations).  Once you know enough about someone, then you choose whether to continue talking and spending time with them.  Those choices lead to actions.  I am of the belief that love is not a feeling, but an action.  If you love then you give (whether financially, of your time, etc.).

So the more you choose to be involved with someone, then the more you will be involved with someone.  With all of that action, over the course of time, someone is going to catch feelings.  And of course someone is going to catch feelings when they choose to invest (action) so much time in what will cause feelings to develop.

So remember this concept the next time you find yourself either 1) about to become involved with someone you’re not particularly sure about, or 2) reflecting about a past relationship and trying to make sense of it all.

We choose who we get involved with… and we choose who we fall in love with.

Women Running Game

african american woman whispering to man 300x180 Women Running Game

“Of course I love you… I love all y’all!” – Jay-Z

All of us, at some point in our lives, have run game.  Some of you are closing the deal on a sold dream at this very moment.

I was reading a post on VSB.com about 5 things men say when we’re just running game.  I commented on the post, which turned out to be today’s post:  Women run game just as much as us guys.  Just like men use lines such as, “I’m not looking for a relationship,” and, “I’ve just been so busy,” women have their own set of phrases that could have been used by the man, Goldie, himself.

I present to you 5 of those phrases:

1) “Hi friend…” – any sentence, phrase, or question that begins with these two words is evil and should be avoided like Karrine Steffans at an All-Star after-party for any major sport.

2) “You’re so silly!” – Your humor makes her tingle.

3) “Sooo… what do you have up for the weekend?” – if you respond, “Nothing,” then you just fell into the trap. She’s fishing for any holes in your plans or free time you may have, wondering why you haven’t made plans to marry her or take her out.  By responding, “Nothing,” you have just made plans with her, and might as well have said, “Taking you out since I have all this free time, baaaaaaby!”

4) She offers to cook for you? Game! She knows that signature dish of her’s is gonna leave a lasting impression.
If she’s from N.O. or the Carribbean, there’s a 99% chance there’s something in the food that will have you proposing marriage by the night’s end and/or semi-stalking her.

5) [You’re such a good man] Why aren’t you married/taken/boo’d up yet? – Meaning, “What’s wrong you? There’s gotta be a reason you can’t maintain a good relationship. You got kids? How many babymama’s you got?  You been to jail?  Are you one of the “alternative lifestyle” fold?  Seriously, what’s wrong with you?”

What are some other things women tend to say that are really game?

Growing Out of the Club

Night At The Roxbury 225x300 Growing Out of the Club

You know… at some point, in life, you have to grow up.  There are certain people you have to disassociate with, and certain places, where said people congregate, that you have to stop going to.  One of these places is the club.

I’m not talking about being uppity.  It’s not that you went and got that certificate from ITT, and now you wanna go acting all brand new.  No, you simply have to grow up.  As you continue to grow, mature, and move up in life, your future gets brighter.  You have goals.  You have aspirations.  Some people have families to take care of.  It’s not that you’re too good to certain places.  You just have a future, and don’t want to throw it away by putting yourself in certain situations that can be avoided.

One of these situations is the club.

But what constitutes an establishment as “the club?”  Glad you asked…

1) You can wear Jordans and get in.

2) When you leave at 3:00 A.M., you smell like kush, Newports, and malt liquor.

3) “Down For My N***as,” by C-Murdah, is still in regular rotation there.

4) C-Murdah himself, and his look-a-likes, are still in regular rotation there.

5) The women have tattoos… on their faces.

These types of places may have been fun when you were younger.  They’re cheap to get in.  The drinks are cheap.  You can still pick up a woman wearing FUBU Platinum.  But as you continue to grow, then chances are you want to be around and socialize with like-minded people.  Chances are you would want to talk to a woman with standards higher than clean Air Force One’s and Coogi.  You also wouldn’t want to put yourself in situations where you end up getting robbed or going to jail (because you got in a fight stepping on some random dude’s Pumas) on some bull.

What do you think?  What are some other characteristics of “the club?”

What Have You Learned?

As we grow older, a lot of things we once valued aren’t as valuable to us as they once were.  The way we thought the world works isn’t exactly how the world works. Is it that we have lost faith, or do we just see things for how they really are?

Being popular is more important than being smart… how silly of me.

Having things is more important than having assets… how silly of me.

Not realizing every mistake or sin is fear-based… how silly of me.

Trying to change people rather than being the change I want to see… how silly of me.

What have you realized that you have been silly of?  How do you see the world now compared to when you were 18?  21?

*The soundtrack for today’s post is, “How Silly of Me,” by artist 607 (one half of the duo, earFear).  You can hear more here.