In 2011, you should never get a response like this.

If you have been on twitter for a while, then you may have heard the words, “thirst,” “thirsty,” or, “curve.”  These terms may be foreign to you now, but we practice the meaning behind these words almost everyday.  Today, we have decided to break this slang down so that you won’t be naked out there in the world… or end up naked and blaming someone else other than yourself.

Fact:  The thirst is real.

What exactly is, “thirst,” or, “being thirsty?”

Thirst – the act of exhibiting blatant or subtle desperation for the attention, recognition, validation, or affection of another; in a sober state, the act may or may not be direct; in an inebriated state, the act is direct, aggressive, and forthright; at the root of “thirst” is horniness, and it can only be combated with a “curve.”

What exactly is “the curve?“

Curve – the act of combating blatant or subtle desperation for the attention, recognition, validation, or affection of another; a curve is most often indirect, but the meaning behind it is always implied;  the things women or men say and do to avoid someone who is interested in them.

But how do I know what the thirst looks like?  How do I know when I’m being curved?  Ahh, glad you asked.  Here are some examples:

Situation 1: You see a random girl on Twitter who you find attractive:

You: @sanctified_sexxi_mami is looking good in that profile pic. (Thirst)

She replies: Awww, thx boo (Curve)

Breakdown: Upon reading your halfway creepy tweet, she immediately goes to check your profile.  If she finds you attractive, it’s flattering.  If she’s not interested, it’s creepy.  She’s not interested.  In order to help you out, let you down easy, and be cordial, she just says, “Thanks boo.”  She says, “boo,” to everybody though.  You’ve been curved.

Situation 2: You meet a girl, and go out on a date.  The date wasn’t bad, but you’re not sure if it was just great either.  A day after the date, you decide to call or text girl and see how she’s doing.  No response.  A couple of days pass, and you decide to give it another try.  You text her that morning:

You: “Good morning.  Had a cool time when we went out.  Hopefully we can hang out again.  Hope you have a good day today.”

Her: (5 hours later) Hi Friend!  Thx.  (Curve).

Breakdown: Well, friend, you’ve just been curved.  Anytime a woman says, “Hi friend,” it means you have been friend-zoned into the outermost realms of friend-zonededness.

Situation 3: 97% of women who go to NBA All-Star Weekend… give 3%.  With turkey basters tucked away neatly in their clutch handbags, these women have a 3 step plan: 1) Land a baller.  Any baller.  Delonte West will do.  2) Get pregnant. 3) Land on Season 8 of Basketball Wives, officially launching their brand.

Situation 4: You’ve been chasing or in the friend zone interested in a certain young lady for quite a while.  She’s not interested you, but continually “curves” you.   However, as years go by, the tables turn.  She added 50 lbs to her 5′3 frame, and you now look like Dwight Howard in the shoulders.  She sees you out one night.  You both speak.  Her interest is peaked.  You almost throw up.  One day, you get a random text:

Her:  Wow you lost a lot of weight.  You look really good now.  We should kick it some time.  I really want to know how you changed your body so much.  I really need a workout buddy. (Thirst)

You:  Yeah, hit me up on Facebook and we’ll make it happen. (Curve)

What about you?  Name some times where you may have “curved” or been given the “curve.”

The economy is, and has been, the most important issue in America for the past 3 years.  In 2008, jobs were being cut left and right.  No one seemed to be hiring.  Things looked dire.  In 2011, one could argue that companies are hiring.  Yet, unemployment numbers haven’t improved as they should.  Some employers argue that taxes, revenues, and losses are contributing to lack of vacancies.  Contrarily, some employers argue that there are indeed openings.  The problem is that there aren’t enough skilled applicants out there to fill vacancies.

Somebody is lying.

Considering the latter, how do we approach this problem?  Americans are more educated than ever before.  In 2002, it was reported that 80% of Americans are graduates of high school or higher, compared to 75% in 1990 (http://www.usatoday.com/news/education/2002-06-05-education-census.htm).  Here’s a newsflash:  It’s 2011, and more folks are getting degrees.  Colleges are reporting more incoming freshmen than ever.  Tuition costs are skyrocketing.  Getting a degree is sexy now.

So where are the jobs?  The cost of living isn’t going down anytime soon… or ever.  What’s the solution?

There is saying about Harvard:  Colleges train students to look for jobs.  Harvard trains students to create jobs.  Personally, I believe there are two solutions to the problem: Jobs training and Innovation.

Considering innovation, we need more entrepreneurs.  Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, the heads of some of America’s biggest, most successful companies are college dropouts.  Does this mean we need more college dropouts?  Certainly not.  But if there are more people in college than ever before, being groomed to look for jobs, then that means there are less people looking to create jobs.

Considering jobs training, colleges need to look at preparing students to enter successful careers in the workforce.  This means equipping students with skills that hiring managers are looking for in potential employees.  Here’s a hint:  Knowing how to use Microsoft Word is not a skill that sets you apart from other applicants.  For most hiring managers, it’s an assumed skill.

What skills, then, would be considered crucial for someone to land at least an entry level job in today’s market?  Here are a couple:

Computer Literacy – We’re in the technology age.  Most employers are no longer even taking paper job applications or resumes anymore.  Everything is moving online.  If you have trouble creating a Google account, then you might have trouble filling out a job application online nowadays.  Computer literacy, at the least today, involves fundamental competencies in using a computer for word processing, presentations, spreadsheets, and navigating websites.

Soft Skills – Employers are looking for people who work well on their own as well as in groups.  Can you give a presentation to a small group if need be?  Do you have good verbal and written communication skills?  Do you have a positive attitude?  Employers aren’t just looking for good workers, but also good people.

What other skills would you say are crucial to the workforce?  Though needs vary from job to job, what are some skills that are mandatory, yet transferable, across the board?

Ahh, the awkward office moment… It’s the point of habitual line steppage, if only for a moment, between colleagues, superiors, and/or subordinates.  It’s the point where you’re walking on eggshells, only to realize that you’re barefoot and eggshells can cut up your feet.  Laughs quickly morph into embarrassing silence.  Eye contact is avoided.  Emails go unreplied to.  Today, we break down a few awkward office moments:

Multiple Greetings

There’s always that one co-worker who you really don’t talk to, but happen to politely speak to on the regular. They could work in your office, or they could work in your building.  You get up to use the restroom, pass by this colleague, smile, say, “Hi,” and keep it moving.  Upon leaving the restroom, it’s like they were timing you… waiting for the exact moment you walk out, only to cross paths with you again.  What’s the protocol?  Do you speak again?  Do you say, “Hi,” again as if it never happened?  Do you pretend to check your phone in order to avoid the awkward eye contact that will inevitably ensue?  Do you stare them down to see who will crack first?  Awkward!

Just Got the Internet

There is always someone in the office whose only experience with computers, or anything electronic, occurs between the hours of 9:00 A.M. and 5:00 P.M.  This is the person who still sends those emails about how Microsoft will pay you for every person you forward said email to.  It is also the same person who will “Reply All” to the same types of emails.  The internet hoax is red flavor, and they drink the koolaid.  They love the koolaid.  They bathe in it.  It’s refreshing.  Will God still bless me if I don’t forward your message to 100 other people?  Are pictures of 400lbs fat ladies, wearing spandex in Wal-Mart really work safe?  You never provided your bank info, but has that Microsoft money hit your account yet?

Computer Illiterates

Similar to those above, these folks are the ones who will be the first to go when Skynet becomes self-aware.  They’re frustrated because Microsoft Word won’t open, and decide to call you to help them.  Despite the fact that you have a whopping Bachelor’s degree in History, they deem you the computer guru of the office since you have experience sending emails with attachments.  Situations like these go something like this:

Idiot:  Sorry to bother you, but this computer is acting up!

You:  What’s the problem?

Idiot:  I’m trying to open Microsoft Word, but it won’t open. Ahh, this is so frustrating!

You:  Let’s see….. There you go!  Opened right up!

Idiot:  What did you do?

You:  I think you have to double-click the icon.

Idiot:  Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

*Facepalm

This Conversation Is Over

You’re in the break room.  Your co-worker walks in.  You engage in small talk.  This person decides they want to have an in-depth conversation, simultaneously, about world hunger, Extreme Couponing, their vacation to Liberty Land, and how their kid did the cutest thing last night.  You spend the next 10 minutes, smiling, nodding, and looking engaged.  All the while, you’re plotting your exit.  Do you make up an excuse to go to leave?  Do you just walk off while they’re in mid-sentence?  Wait for another co-worker to walk in and bail you out?  Awkward!

What about you?  What are some other awkward office situations you have experienced?  Leave a comment, and chime in.

Osama Bin Laden is dead.

When news spread Sunday night about Bin Laden’s death, video started circulating which showed Americans celebrating his death.  In D.C., Americans gathered in front of the White House.  In New York, Americans took to the streets in jubilee.  Survivors and families of 9/11 victims cried.  Chants were shouted in patriotic unison.  The national anthem was sung.  But more than pride, there was an overwhelming sense of relief. 

This is the reason why Bin Laden’s death should be celebrated.  It’s a relief.  There are those who feel uneasy about the excessive celebrating.  There are those who may feel the celebrating was hypocritical for those who consider themselves Christian or religious in any way.  The fact of the matter is that Bin Laden declared war on the United States of America.  He declared war on western civilization.  He declared war on any sympathizers of America, including other coutries that were predominantly Muslim.  He took credit for the U.S. Embassy bombings of 1998.  He took credit for the 9/11 attacks.  He killed thousands of people, including many Muslims.  He was a murderer. 

The death of Bin Laden is bigger than Bin Laden himself.  The death of Bin Laden is not the death of terrorism itself.  The death of Bin Laden in itself is the death of an ideal.  It is the death of a symbol.  In a sense, it was closure.  And the act of celebrating is a projected demonstration of the sense of closure that Americans have been seeking for ten years.

Sometimes, when you read a book, you may re-read it many times over.  Sometimes you get stuck on a particular chapter.  You may find yourself losing sleep, eyes heavy, from searching for meaning.  Sometimes you just want to finish the chapter so that you can rest… knowing that you’ll pick the book back up the next day to start a new chapter and search for new meanings.   

We know this isn’t the end of the book, but it is the end of a chapter.  We can rest… for now.

Anything you can do,
I can do better.
I can do anything
Better than you.

No, you can’t.
Yes, I can. No, you can’t.
Yes, I can. No, you can’t.
Yes, I can,
Yes, I can!

Anything you can be
I can be greater.
Sooner or later,
I’m greater than you.

No, you’re not. Yes, I am.
No, you’re not. Yes, I am.
No, you’re NOT!. Yes, I am.
Yes, I am!

- Anything You Can Do, performed by Annie Oakley and Frank Butler

So today is going to be one of those controversial post that would probably have me in the dog house if I were married.

I start off with a simple question.   Are men and women equal?  I’m not asking that question in the whole, “have women came to a point where they are treated the same in society”?  I’m not asking, “has the women’s movement achieved it’s goal”?

I’m asking are women and men equal?  Can women do anything that men can do?

Should men be the head of the household or is that an archaic tradition based on an outdated idea that men are the superior of the species?

Let’s look at it from a couple of aspects.

1. Purely animal state/secular level – In all other species of animals it seems like the males of the species run the household.  Take lions for example.  Lionesses kill food and then before she gets to eat, the male eats first.  And on top of that he usually has a pack of women.  He runs the whole pride.  Him and his lionesses.  He protects them because he is the more powerful of the species.  And for this protection he gets to make babies and have his food brought to him.

2.  Religion – I think just about every major religion has some part of it’s moral code based on the idea that the man is the head of the household.  One can only infer from that that he is the superior of the species (sorry I been studying for the GMAT so ignore how I’m writing).

Now one thing thing that the animal example omits is whether the female is smarter.  Which I think if you look at the example she actually is.   All the male does is protect the pride.  She actually has to run a household.  I think that takes a lot more intelligence.

The religion this is also tricky too.  We have seen a lot of inferior men use this to dominant relationships.

So how do I feel.  Do I think men and women are equal…

Well… No…

I let you gasp and cuss me out for a second…

This is why.  I think intelligent wise women are just a smart as men and based on the stupid things we do for you guys it may be easy to prove you are actually smarter.  But when it comes to physical strength hands down men win.  If you couple that with our almost as good intelligence we win the battle.

Now I know there are a lot of outliers out there when it comes to women being superior, but in aggregate I think we are the clear winners here.

So this is a time when I’m asked should men be the head of the household.  I think so, but let me add a disclaimer here.   Men can only head a house that they are taking care of.  If he is the head, that family should never worry about anything.   With great power comes great responsibility.

Now when you stop calling me a pig and cussing I want to hear your thoughts.   People at the Cool Table… Are men and women equal?  Is one sex superior?  Which one?

Louis CK has a stand-up album called Hilarious that cause me to have an epiphany.   If you haven’t seen it you should check it out.

He has a section in it called… “Everything’s Amazing & Nobody’s Happy”.

In it he talks about how we complain about everything, but how we never sit back and just realize how good we have things.

I mean think about it.  We complain about flying, but really thinking about flying.   You sit in a plane and go through the air at hundreds of miles an hour and you don’t even feel it unless there is some turbulence.  You can go from New York to California in 5 hours.  In the 1800’s that trip would have took you 3 months and you were likely not to show up in California with the same people you left New York with.

I think about my own life.  I complain about my job a lot.  I get mad because I don’t have a enough work to do and my boss ignores me sometime.  Now let me give you some background.  I have my own office,  my boss doesn’t keep up with my vacation time, I get paid a decent salary, and I’m black.

Can you imagine me complaining to my great-great-great grandfather that was a slave?

Me: I’m tired of my job I don’t do anything.

GGG-grandfather:  Son…You’re a b!tch.  Do you want to switch places?

Your boss ignores you.  I have freaking overseer!

You have an office.  I stay in a shack with 20 people half the size of your office.

You get paid in money.  I get paid in chitlins and rags for clothes.

You get vacation time…. Vacation!  You lazy M.F.  You don’t even work that much.  I work!  I plant enough food to feed Mississippi every day.  Do you know how much a country ninja in Mississippi  can eat?

You sicken me!

So good people at the cool table I implore you to sit back and really think about all the stuff we take for granted and really start to appreciate it.

Crack is wack… unless you have self control.

Charlie Sheen, in a recent radio interview, has been quoted as saying that people should stay away from crack cocaine, “unless they can manage it socially.”

Of course! It all makes sense now:

Whitney Houston
Bobby Brown
Tyrone Biggums
Former D.C. Mayor Marion Berry
Robert Downey, Jr.
Courtney Love

And countless others… They weren’t addicts!  They didn’t have a problem!  They were all just socially inept!

This doesn’t settle the issue though. There is still unfinished business left on the table. Yes, here at The Cool Table, we will answer the age old question: Does doing crack one time make you a crackhead?

After reading what Charlie Sheen had to say, my answer is this: If you are able to try crack one time, and only one time, then you are obviously more than capable of managing it socially. So, it doesn’t make you a “crackhead.” It just makes you “crackish.”

But that rule is limited to only trying it once though. That’s the rule. Trying it twice, even 1.5 times = crackhead. One time = crackish.

What say you? What would you say is the crackhead threshold?

Everyone get ready.  There will be a huge baby boom from Sept-Nov this year.   Why you ask?  Because there are 8 inches of snow on the ground in freakin’ Arkansas… Freakin’ Arkansas!!! Not to mention, this is like the third snow of the season.  And of course people are getting there bam-chicka-wah-wah on. (Cuddling weather, I believe they call this.)

So needless to say I have been stuck in the house all day because of this weather, and I have a serious case of cabin fever.  I’m not a homebody, so anything that keeps me in the house for long periods of time makes me a little crazy.

On second thought, I actually do spend quite of bit of time at home. But anytime I HAVE to stay in doors it causes me some issues.  As long as I know I can go somewhere I’m good.

Which brings me to today’s discussion/question?  Why do we want what we can’t have?

As long as I know I can go somewhere I’m good even if I have no intentions of leaving the house.  But as soon as I can’t go anywhere I’m going stir crazy.

And we do it in all parts of life:

-Jobs you don’t even want, but you get mad when you don’t get them.

-If you’re a guy, and you try to get a girl’s number, and she rejects you, you get mad.  But you were just hollering at her cause you were bored.  You weren’t even going to call her…lol

I believe that is why people consume sooo much.  When people finally get money, they buy stuff they couldn’t get when they were broke.  They bought what they couldn’t have.  Unfortunately a lot of people are still left empty.

So shed light on this for me.  Why do people want what they can’t have?

Check out the video below.  All I can say is HILARIOUS!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I came across this video surfing the web a while ago.  I put off watching it, and finally decided to check it out today:

First off, this video is hilarious!  This is one of the better impersonations of President of Obama I’ve seen since he became president.  Now, I know what some of you are thinking:

“I’m so appalled!”

“This sets black people back xx amount of years…”

“This is ignorant.”

“How could someone make such an ignorant video?!”

Let’s see what Waka Flocka Flame and his mother/manager had to say about the video:

“That they used it to be so sarcastic; it was almost a form of disrespect.”

“That’s not a positive image for us, period, as African-Americans, where we came from, where we’re going today.”

Ohhhhh reallllllyyyyyy now?!

Here’s the video that the Baracka Flocka Flame parody video is based on:

And here’s explicit version of the original song in case you couldn’t fill in the blanks in the video above:

Yeah… I’m sure Waka Flocka’s song/video are positive images of African-Americans, where we came from, and where we’re going today…

What do you think?  Are you offended by the parody of Waka Flocka/President Obama?  Did you find the video funny?  Thoughts?