Is Barack Obama gone have to choke a B!tch?

“Is Barack Obama gone have to choke a B!tch?”

So the President took Spike Lee’s advice this week and finally got a little mad about he Gulf Oil spill.  Not that Spike Lee should ever be listened to on a regular basis, but I was happy he showed a little bit of his ninja side.  And what he said was so straight forward I don’t have to even dumb it down for you…

He wants to know “whose ass to kick.”   Well Mr. President it’s a really short list…

BP, Transatlantic, Haliburton, and your own administration for failing to react quicker when you guys saw that BP wasn’t willing to spend real money to get this done and tried to find every cheap way possible to fix the oil spill and cause 37% of the Gulf to be uninhabitable by marine life capable of getting this done.

Here is the full story…

http://www.cnn.com/2010/POLITICS/06/07/gulf.oil.obama/index.html?hpt=T2

President Barack Obama bluntly defended his administration’s response to the undersea gusher fouling the Gulf of Mexico on Monday, telling an interviewer he has met with experts to learn “whose ass to kick.”

“I was down there a month ago, before most of these talking heads were even paying attention to the Gulf,” Obama told NBC’s “Today” show in an interview scheduled to air Tuesday. “A month ago I was meeting with fishermen down there, standing in the rain talking about what a potential crisis this could be.”

A variety of critics have accused Obama of being too cerebral in his reaction to the undersea gusher now fouling the Gulf of Mexico, of failing to put the full force of the administration and of putting too much trust in oil company BP. But Obama told NBC his deliberations have been more than academic…

“I don’t sit around talking to experts because this is a college seminar,” Obama continued. “We talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers, so I know whose ass to kick.”

Well I ask you my fellow nerds.  Who is to blame?  “Whose ass to kick?”  

Did the President not act fast enough or is his timing impecable? 

Do you think this is fake anger to make him seem more concerned than what he is?

Top 5 Careers After Doing a Reality Show.

Yesterday I talked about my reality shows ideas and I would like to see them on TV.  Sadly my agent said the networks shot them down… oh well…

 I’m starting to notice how basically there is a chain reaction to reality shows.   Some people just go from one to the next.  Or as the bible would put it…  The devil begat The Surreal Life.  The Surreal Life begat Strange Love,  Strange Love Begat Flavor of Love,  Flavor of Love begat I Love New York, and I Love New York Begat Real Chance at Love.  And the beast was unleashed upon the Earth and reigned for a 1,000 years.  And there were plagues and pestilence.  And black people got dumber by the day…  (oh sorry went on a little tangent there).  Anyway…

I doubt that there are many career opportunities after being on these shows.  Namely because most of these people weren’t employable in the first place.  And usually after appearing on one of these shows, you make yourself unemployable.  Because most employers would love to see you act a fool, but don’t want you doing it at McDonalds during the lunch time rush.

So I present to you the Top 5 careers after your stint on a reality show.

1.  Another Reality Show.  Hey keep those $700 an episode checks coming in.  As long as you stay of tax payer money.

2. Go back to stripping.  Cause let’s be honest that is the only job you can leave for a couple of weeks to go do a reality show like Real Chance at Love and come back right where you left off.

3. Rapper or Singer.  Most use this as a spring board into those careers.   And it has worked for…hmmm…  drawing a blank here.

4. Acting.  I doubt if you can make it fake reality work.  I’m sure a script is going to be a bit difficult for you.  But hey you can try it.

5. The typical business venture.   Clothing line, book, etc.  I’m sure it would have been just as easy to make a worthwhile product and work hard to make it happen.  But hey we’re in a microwave society, so we don’t time for that work hard and be patient bull. 

My fellow nerds name me some more careers.

-Trillionaire Wood

Tags: Careers, cool nerds, Flavor of Love, I Love New York, nerd at the cool table, nerd test, nerdsatthecooltable.com, Real Chance at Love, reality tv, Strange Love, The Surreal Life, Trillionaire Wood

Minstrel Reality Shows

Everybody that knows me, knows I don’t watch much TV.   My TV is usually on two channels:  Cartoon Network and HGTV.   I know… I know…   Cartoon Network + HGTV = SISSY!   Well I ain’t no punk!  Test me if you want!

Anyway.  I started flipping through channels and I landed on TVOne (A*K*A,  We’re better than BET but not really).  Well, I started seeing reality shows that were coming out.  I know I’ve been under a rock, so please don’t revoke my black card, but I didn’t know Al B. Sure had a reality show.

*editors note:  I did some more research and realized that he is actually a bachelor competing against other bachelors for… wait for it…  Omarosa!   You’ve got to be kidding me… LOL and other stuff.

And apparently Chilli from TLC does too.   Say it ain’t so Rozonda!!! She is trying find love in all the wrong places.  Then there is a show called NBA wives on MTV.  And I’m like wow is there a reality show for everything?

And so I thought if they can make reality shows for anything, I thought I would pitch some concepts.   You guys tell me what you think…

1.  REGULAR A$$ NINJA$-  We always see the shows where you got people living these ridiculously plush lives. They’re in a masion with the Magic City practice squad.  So I thought why not have a show called Regular Ninjas.  It’s really simple.  You follow a guy around on his normal day.  He gets up, goes to work, maybe works out in the evening, chills with his girl, and goes to bed.   Now I know you may think, “that’s boring and where is the drama?”.   But here is the kicker, HE’S BLACK AND SUCCESSFUL!  So that day actually is more like this…

a. He gets up late and has to think of an excuse because he is on his last strike.

b. He gets pulled over by the cops because obviously he stole that Hyundai.

c. He gets to work and is bombarded by a daily dose of you better be glad we still have quotas around.

d. Him and his girl get into because she’s black and that’s just what happens.  (foward all your hate mail to 123 Idontgiveacrap LN. ,  Your City, YS 12345)

e.  He goes to sleep pissed.

2. Regular A$$ Chicks

a.  See above

b. Add a few more gallons of drama because she is going to talk to her friends about the fight.

3.  Man We Oughta – This show is where instead of  walking away from that one friend that has never had your best interest at heart,  you actually listen to him.  Oh that should be fun.   I know there is a show on Cartoon Network like this called “Dude What Would Happen?”  *Warning side rant*  How in the heck you gone have a reality show on Cartoon Network?  That’s really starting to piss me off *side rant over*.  In that show you have three cats come up with stupid experiments and see what happens.  But here is the difference.  This isn’t any controlled experiment.  You just do it.   Like the show Jackass but with more club fights and probably some drug sales.

4.  Gut Punch -  This is a show where you just go around ruining dreams of people.  Like everyone that raps.  You just go and tell them just how wack they are.  If you can’t sing , act, playball we tell you.  And this show should start at a young age.   Like 10 and older.  Maybe we can salvage the future of the youth.

5.  You’re a Has Been, or a Never Was.  Stop it. -  On this show you go around and actually deny people reality shows that usually get them.   Like you go tell Lisaraye her show has been cancelled because she only famous for being a stripper in a movie.  Then you pour red paint on that d@mn white she wears all the freaking time.

So my fellow nerds help me come up with some more reality shows.

-Trillionaire Wood

Tags: Al B. Sure, cartoon network, Chili, HGTV, Lisaraye McCoy, Minstrel Show, NBA Wives, nerd at the cool table, nerd test, nerd testv, nerds at the cool table, nerdsathecooltable.com, reality tv, TVone

The South Shall Rise Again!

When I was in college, there was a dorm at my school called Confederate Memorial Hall.   Most of the time it was just called Confederate Hall, which I don’t need to tell you caused many a black people to look like the way Three Six Mafia described Chinese women’s vaginas.  It’s just something about the word “Confederate” that brings in thoughts of Kunta Kinte, and him being whipped into the name Toby. The reason for the name, Confederate Memorial Hall, was it was funded by the Daughters of the the Confederacy (DOC) as a memorial to the fallen soldiers of the Confederacy.

Well because of public outcry, the dorm’s name was changed to Memorial Hall. This was done without the DOC’s knowledge, and they sued (rightfully so).  Well Vandy was a little smart.  The university changed the name in all publications, but left the name on the building facade.  They didn’t want to have to give UDC back  the $50, 000 that was given to fund the dorm 72 years ago… Which in today’s dollars converts to about $2.2 million… or about a year’s tuition for one student …J/K…only a little.  :(

While I was in college, I followed the crowd on this one which was, “Screw them!  They made us slaves!”  Well now I have to go back on that previous idea.  Although slavery was a huge part of the Confederacy, I understand there were numerous other issues that caused that war.  And those men, at the time, died for their country fighting for what they believed in.   And if their people want to pay for a memorial for that, then I have to say that is all good to me… BUT…We have to see both sides of that:  The dark and the light.  Sadly, in most wars that are fought, only the winner gets to decide who was right.  I’m sure if the South had won, the North would have the same problems with memorials.

“Treason is all a matter of dates ” – From the Movie the Count of Monte Cristo.

I’ll add to that it’s a matter of outcome as well.

But I say all that to keep my topic in perspective.

VA Gov.  Bob McDonnell made the declaration that April will be “Confederate History Month”.  Now I can see where people would have a problem with this.  But let’s be clear (In my Obama voice)…  I think it is just as wrong not to have a Confederate History month as it is to not to have Black History Month.  He did it for a clear reason.  He wanted to honor the past and boost tourism for the state.  I don’t have a problem with that.  But here is my problem Bob…

How dare you not cite the roll of slavery?  Now Bob I don’t have a problem with you honoring your people, but don’t you dare not tell the whole truth.  Keep it real son!

I think Martin Luther King was one of the greatest men to walk the Earth.  We honor him as well as all black pioneers during Black History month.  But let’s be honest.  MLK smoked, and he messed around with other women.  That’s the truth, and we would do ourselves a disservice not to tell the whole truth no matter how ugly it is.

I’m probably thinking too much on this one when I think about Bob’s merits.  (Which I tend to do)  But to me that is very careless and mildly racist.

So I don’t have any problem with what you do.  I say leave the name Confederate Memorial Hall.  I say have your Confederate Month.  But don’t forget my heritage in the process.

Wood has Spoken.

-Trillionaire Wood

Tags: Bob McDonnell, Confederacy, Confederate Memorial Hall, Martin Luther King, nerd at the cool table, nerds at the cool table, nerdsatthecooltable.com, slavery, Trillionaire Wood, United Daughters of the Confederacy, Vanderbilt

Scrubs: What Happened?

http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2010/03/24/scrubs-dead-or-alive/

If you’re a fan of the TV show, Scrubs, then you have probably noticed the sudden decline of the show since it went from NBC to ABC.  As mentioned in the CNN article above, the writer’s strike from ’07-’08 had a lot to do with the show’s demise.  J.D., one of the show’s main characters (if not the main character), is no longer on the show… along with several other core cast members.

I was aware that the show had moved to ABC, so I tuned in one night.  A few of my observations:

- Midway through watching Scrubs 2.0, I thought I was watching Saved By the Bell: The New Class.

- Watching the new Scrubs is like looking at the Matrix in a different hue of puke-green.

- Comic Book Guy, from The Simpsons, made an appearance sometime during the show.  He was quoted as saying, “Worst…episode…ever.”  Another episode aired the following week.

- I wasn’t aware at first that J.D. wasn’t on the show anymore.  After realizing he wasn’t there, I figured they had killed him off… or maybe there were some budget cuts… or he pulled a Katherine Heigl

- This just in:  The ABC version of Scrubs will be the first television show to come out on View Master instead of DVD/Blu-Ray.

Needless to say, the new version sucks!

Tags: abc, comic book guy, j.d., scrubs, the simpsons, view master

Skype on TV…

So apparently Skype will be coming to a flat-screen near you:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/03/02/skype.on.tv.videophone/index.html

From the article:

“The common use of videophones could happen through three technologies that separately aren’t exactly considered bleeding edge today: high-speed Internet, a television, and Skype. Samsung says it will put the VoIP calling service Skype as an application on its televisions, allowing phone calls to be made on camera right from a couch, just like Jane Jetson talking into her TV set. The Samsung Skype-enabled TV follows similar announcements from Panasonic and LG at the Consumer Electronics Show in January.

The models will range from to $1,200 to $2,000 for Panasonic’s set. Samsung and LG have not yet announced how much they will charge.

The Skype on TV application should work similarly on all three models, which in turn should closely mimic the version of the application that many people use to make free PC to PC calls, or for a fee, PC to landline.”

The same consulting team that worked with the Geek Squad/Best Buy on the idea of coming to your home to “install” your PS3 or Xbox360 and “set up your wi-fi” must have came up with this bull…

Why?

If you have a flat screen TV and a laptop, you can make video calls on your TV with an HDMI cable and an internet connection. 

I suppose there really is a market out there for idiots, posers who buy the latest thing b/c it’s the latest thing, and lazy people.

Tags: flat screen tv's, hdmi, idiots, skype

Haiti Earthquake = God’s Will?

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, or your George  W. Bush circa 2005 Hurricane Katrina your life has been enveloped in the crisis in Haiti…

Well of course you’re getting hit from all sides on this tragedy. 

Some people say don’t give because we are already giving money through income tax.

Some people say give because it’s right the right thing to do.

If there is an opinion on this issue, it has been voiced.  And you have had a chance to weigh in on it.

But I must say their are two opinions that seems to pull me in every time.

 One made by Pat Robertson of the 700 Club.  Mr. Robertson has said on his show…

“Something happened a long time ago in Haiti and people might not want to talk about it,” the televangelist said. “And they got together and swore a pact to the Devil. They said, ‘We will serve you if you’ll get us free from the French.’ True story. And so the Devil said, ‘Okay, it’s a deal.’ . . . But ever since they have been cursed by one thing after another.”

So basically he’s saying they are cursed for what they did.  I’m not a fan of this comment because it’s based on speculative history.

But this is the one that really got me.

Rev. Eric Toussaint while addressing his congregation is quoted as saying…

“Why give thanks to God? Because we are here,” “What happened is the will of God.”

Now I could be totally misreading his  quotes and he may be saying that them surviving was the will of God, but it seems like he is saying the earthquake was the will of God.  That is about as believable as the plot for the movie Legion.

I have to say I’m totally in disagreement with both men.  I don’t believe that God goes around handing out punishment like water.  God loves us.  You can’t tell me in one breath God would give his only son so that the world be saved then go around killing people because he was angry with you or you made a pack with the devil.

What do you guys think?  Was the earthquake the will of God? 

-Trillionaire Wood

Tags: 700 Club, cool, earthquake, George W. Bush, Haiti, Hurrican Katrina, nerds, nerds at the cool table, nerdsatthecooltable.com, Pat Robertson, Rev. Eric Toussaint, table, Trillionaire Wood

Let’s Reflect… (And Late Happy New Year!)

Late happy new year, and welcome to 2010!

It’s been a while since our last post, but it’s a new year & a new decade.  We have big things in store for this year, so continue checking us out daily (and subscribing) to witness greatness in action.

Before we hit you with the money shot that is all this greatness, it’s only right that we reflect on the previous decade.  What’s the best way to do that?

With lists of course!

So today, at the Cool Table, we present to you the best & worst of the decade!

Best Hip Hop Album: College Dropout.  And we’re not just saying that because Entertainment Weekly said so.  Kanye’s debut album was the reincarnation of Tribe Called Quest & De La Soul.  It made it cool once again to be the everyday, average, black guy without a jail record, who wasn’t doing drive-by’s  while flipping 200 ki’s in a song.  He was the precursor of the Drakes, Kid Cudis, Cool Kids, and J Coles of today.

Company of the Decade: Google. Google is worth billions in stocks, but isn’t really worth anything tangible on paper.  They’re just a huge advertising company.  But as of today, they’re simultaneously giving Microsoft and Apple a run for their money… and they can tell you what you had for breakfast this morning.  Beware of big bro…

Chick who ran ish this decade: Beyonce. She can sing, dance, halfway act, yodel, and probably hook up a batch of chicken spaghetti at the same time.  Women love her.  Guys want to be with her.  A few ghey guys probably want to be her.

NBA Team of the decade: Lakers. L.A. had 4 titles this previous decade.  The Spurs have 3.  Miami has 1.  Detroit has 1. Boston has 1.  Lakers win by default.

NFL Team of the decade: Colts. I know.  I know.  Patriots this…. Steelers that… but I’m a Colts fan, so I’m going to hijack and enjoy our one title last decade this moment.

MLB Team of the decade: Red Sox. I’m a Yankees fan, but the Red Sox overcame the Babe Ruth curse… and won again.

Best hustle: Kim Kardashian. Judy from Family Matters parlayed a stint on a sitcom into a p.orn career.  Kim Kardashian parlayed a stint in doggystyle into a sitcom.  It’s the American dream in action!

Greatest moment of the decade: Obama. Nuff said.

Worst moment of the decade: September 11, 2001. Katrina comes in 2nd with an  Epic fail on the government’s part.

Do you agree?  Disagree?  What would you recommend for best rock album of the decade?  Worst person of the decade?  Best website?  Epic fail of the decade?

Tags: 2010, 9/11, beyonce, colts, kim kardashian, lakers, nba, new year, nfl, obama, patriots, red sox, the 2000's

Lonely, Successful Black Women…

It’s an epidemic!

Or is it a few cases that cause mass hysteria?!

Apparently, the flavor of the day on blogs throughout the web, is a Washington Post article on Helena Andrews.   Helena is a  single, 29 year old, successful black woman, living in D.C.  She’s about to release a new book titled, “B*tch Is the New Black.”  It’s a memoir on the perils of being a successful, upwardly mobile, black woman.  There are also plans for a film based on the book. 

You can read the article here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/12/09/AR2009120904546.html

Also, www.verysmartbrothas.com has a great post on the issue/article.

Meanwhile, here are a few excerpts from the Washington Post article:

Andrews writes about what it is like for a young, black woman dating in D.C., trying to find a mate who seems ever elusive. The futile rituals are familiar: the dressing up, the eager cab ride over to the party, the hold-your-breath as you walk in, scanning the room quickly for any looks returned. The mantra sounding in the back of your head: “So-and-so found a man last year at a party like this. Maybe tonight is my night.” Then one by one, the men prove to be disappointments and disappointing: married, uninteresting or uninterested.

The disappointment as you end up at the bar once again, committing straw violence in your drink (stirring the drink frantically and unconsciously).

Andrews writes the truth of those nights. The truth is for too many, they never work out. Not for Andrews and not for her friend, Gina, who is a prominent character in her life and in the book.

“For a lot of black women, especially young successful black women, we have a lot of boxes on our master plan list checked off,” Andrews says. “We think happiness should come immediately after that. But that is not always the case.”

Love is much too hard to find and when these women do, it may go all wrong because of issues that are too complicated for statistics, Andrews says. She is quick to say, “There are tons of black families who are healthy and good.” Even so, black women are more likely than white women to grow up poor or otherwise struggling financially; to be fatherless and to experience a myriad of other societal and/or familial dysfunctions. Ironically, the “issues” can also include being a “strong” woman: the can-do, opinionated type many black women become after growing up in a matriarchal household, the type with whom some men still just can’t deal.

“I have tons of friends who are extremely successful lawyers and lobbyists, staffers on the Hill. They are great at what they do. They are in their late 20s and early 30s,” Andrews says, sipping Ethiopian coffee. Her dog, Miles, is sitting beneath the restaurant table, whining softly.

“But there is loneliness at their jobs, because most likely they are the only black person there and people treat them like they are the only black person there. They dress a certain way. They go out on the weekend. . . . And still they end up going home, and it’s you and your d*mned dog.”

For my black women who feel like they fall into this category… I seriously believe this is a personal problem.  It isn’t an epidemic.  It’s just life.  Sure, you have your degree, a good job, a nice place, and a few of the finer things in life that may constitute “success.”  But just because you haven’t found a Barack Obama-type with swag doesn’t mean it’s hard out here for you.  Maybe your standards really are too high.  Maybe the fact that you have a degree and a job doesn’t really mean crap in the grand scheme of things.  What lies beneath your resume?  What other qualities do you bring to the table. 

Which brings us to my ode/parody of the Helena Andrews epidemic.  Cause after all, she just wants to be successful, right?

Beyonce:
I want the money,
Money and the cars,
Cars and the clothes, (and to be)
Betrothed! (Troooooothed!)
I suppose…
I just want to be… I just want to be successfullllllll
I just want I to be… I just want to be successfulllllll

Helena:
Awww yeah B, I effin’ feel ya
They be staring at the B.A. like it’s unfamiliar
I got it and earned it, to me there’s nothing realer
Except this condo in the ‘burbs, something like a villa,
And when I leave, I always come right back here (alone)
The black woman that all of these black men fear,
I had me a winter boo, but that was last year
Dropped his a** quick, he was a muthaf*ckin’ cashier!
A thousand thread count sheets on my bed,
Quarters of creamy crack shape the perm in my head,
Take my attitude too serious, you hate me,
Cause I don’t feel a brutha who ain’t ballin’ with a J.D.
Yeah… I want it all that’s why I strive for it
Text me, and you’ll never get a reply for it
Any Happy Hour, 1st Friday, I get fly for it
I know hubby’s coming, I just hope that I’m alive for him…

Tags: black women, business, helena andrews, Relationships, washington post

How Will the “Recession” Affect Your Holiday Spending?

So next week is Black Friday, “the busiest shopping day of the year”.  But from what the media says we are in a recession.  So will the recession affect how you will shop this year?  Personally I hate the commericalization of the Holiday’s, so I don’t buy anything anyway.

Tags: christmas, nerds at the cool table, recession, Shopping, Trillionaire Wood