Category Archives: Clear People

The Dopeness that Is Louie

louisck5 290x300 The Dopeness that Is Louie

When you have lived a significant number of years on this Earth, you come to a few conclusions:                                              

People complain about being delayed on a runway for 30 minutes before eventually taking place in the miracle of flying.  A cell phone call takes longer than a millisecond, and we become frustrated.  This is despite the fact that the call is going to a tower miles away or to a satellite in outer space.  You just have to give it a second.  At that point, you realize that everything is amazing, and nobody is happy.

Kids, albeit cute and innocent, get on your nerves.  And sometimes, you may cuss them out in your head for saying, “Eww,” when you are trying to give them bubblegum-flavored medicine… the same bubblegum flavored medicine that 70% of kids across the world would shoot or machete you for.  As a white child, you just can’t say, “Eww,” to bubblegum flavored medicine.  This is especially true for little, white girls who live in America.  Most of their clothes are made professionally by kids their own age.  That’s not to say white people can’t complain, but black people get to complain more. Contrary to claims in the comment sections of Fox News & CNN articles, slavery did not end 400 years ago.  And even when slavery ended, everything wasn’t just amazing immediately after the fact.  Black people with gray hair may remember times when they could only use certain toilets and water fountains. 

When you take all of that into consideration, white people have it made. Now, I’m not saying white people are better.  But being white, well, clearly is better! White people can travel back to any time in history and have it made.  Black people wouldn’t be able to travel past the year 1980.

You also come to the conclusion that deer aren’t cute.  They’re annoying.  You realize the difference between girls and women.  And it dawns on you that Cinnabons aren’t the healthiest things to eat. 

These are a few reasons why Louis CK is one of the funniest comedians out there. 

It’s Real in These Streets

In case you didn’t know, it’s real out here in these streets.  At any time, it could pop off in the Whole Foods parking lot.  What you know about riding around with trash bags in the Prius, just in case you have to dump a body off… or recycle?  Pusha man soliciting drugs?  Wrong… wrong!  How about a man with a push-pen & a clipboard, soliciting signatures for petitions?

Either they don’t know, don’t show, or don’t care about what’s going on in the ‘burbs.

What Have You Done for Me Lately?

Michael Eric Dyson 241x300 What Have You Done for Me Lately?

Apparently, Barack Obama hasn’t done enough for black people.

Black leader intellectual, Michael Eric Dyson, in a talk in Iowa last week, made a comment about President Obama’s lack of dialogue on race:

“What difference does it make to have a black president? Maybe not a damn thing. Maybe it’s worse than a white president, ’cause he won’t even talk about race.”

Dyson continued, “I love him, but I will not be silenced.  I’m not asking you to speak up (for black communities) ’cause you’re a black man. I’m asking you to speak up ’cause you’re the president.”

*First of all, if you’re somewhat familiar with Michael Eric Dyson, and have ever heard him speak (whether in person or on tv/radio), then you probably know this “talk” was full of all the Dictionary.com Words of the Day from January 1, 2011 through February 17, 2011.   If you’re also familiar with Dyson, then you know that black leaders intellectuals like him believe that anything black, or race related, is their bailiwick.  But that is neither here nor there….  I receive the daily Word of the Day from Dictionary.com, and I just wanted to use, “bailiwick,” in a sentence.

Back to Dyson, he’s earned his title as an intellectual.  He’s a tenured professor at Georgetown.  Last time I checked, that was a pretty decent school.  Being that Dyson is an intellectual, he should know that politics is a way harsher game than the lecture circuit which he frequents.  A few points:

-President Obama, in some circles, is viewed as a Nazi Socialist who wants to ruin America.  His every political move is challenged and questioned.  Some people don’t even believe he is an American citizen.  Despite undeniable proof of his citizenship, these same people still believe his mama paid the State of Hawaii to cover it up.   He has professed his Christian faith numerous times, yet people still believe he is a Muslim (like there is something wrong with him being a Muslim).  Even during the 2008 campaign, a simple sign of support, affection, and “I got your back,” with his wife was lauded as a “terrorist fist bump.”  White Whitmore fear is at an all-time high.  Yet, you want him to stand up and speak more about how black folks can’t catch a break race when white people overwhelmingly voted him in?  That would be political suicide.

- If Dyson would recall, one of Obama’s shining moments came in 2008, in the wake of the Reverend Wright issues.  Obama gave one of the most impressive, moving, and insightful speeches on race in recent memory.  If you go back and read that speech, Obama not only started a dialogue on race, but he sparked a dialogue on the idea of a post-racial America.

- Just the mere fact that Obama is the first black president has done more for black people since King and the Civil Rights Movement.  When teachers and adults tell black kids that they can be anything in the world, including president, then they are no longer selling a dream.  It actually happened.  And if it actually happened, then it can happen again.  Black kids now have more to aspire to than rapping, singing, playing sports, or acting.

- Barack Obama is the president of the United States of America, not just black people.  With that said…

How about we focus on getting him re-elected?  Follow me on this…

Everyone knows that President Obama is seeking re-election for a second term.  The Rethuglicans know that they have no viable candidate who can beat Obama right now.  During his first term, Obama has had to govern from the center.  In other words, he’s had to walk on eggshells and concede on issues he really believes in for the greater good.

Now imagine a black president in his second term, with no possibility of being re-elected.  If Obama is re-elected in 2012, then I’m predicting 2016 will be when he goes on his When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong tour.  He’ll be unfiltered.  He’ll be on his way out of office.  He will have the platform to say and do all the things he has always wanted to say since 2009.  Us black people might even get reparations checks out of the whole thing!  Who knows?  I just think that by 2015-2016, we could get this version of the president.

So my plea to Michael Eric Dyson is simple:  DON’T MESS THIS UP!

What do you think?  Should Obama talk more about race?  Is Obama doing enough for race relations?

Settling the Crackhead Issue

tumblr lafarzu3oE1qa2iui Settling the Crackhead Issue

Crack is wack… unless you have self control.

Charlie Sheen, in a recent radio interview, has been quoted as saying that people should stay away from crack cocaine, “unless they can manage it socially.”

Of course! It all makes sense now:

Whitney Houston
Bobby Brown
Tyrone Biggums
Former D.C. Mayor Marion Berry
Robert Downey, Jr.
Courtney Love

And countless others… They weren’t addicts!  They didn’t have a problem!  They were all just socially inept!

This doesn’t settle the issue though. There is still unfinished business left on the table. Yes, here at The Cool Table, we will answer the age old question: Does doing crack one time make you a crackhead?

After reading what Charlie Sheen had to say, my answer is this: If you are able to try crack one time, and only one time, then you are obviously more than capable of managing it socially. So, it doesn’t make you a “crackhead.” It just makes you “crackish.”

But that rule is limited to only trying it once though. That’s the rule. Trying it twice, even 1.5 times = crackhead. One time = crackish.

What say you? What would you say is the crackhead threshold? icon smile Settling the Crackhead Issue

Caucasian Genres (Movies that wouldn’t be good as a Black Version)

movie theater Caucasian Genres (Movies that wouldnt be good as a Black Version)

I was thinking of movies that wouldn’t be good if there was a black version.  And I came to a conclusion that it’s not movies that don’t make sense in a black version.  I have to rule out whole genres.

Romantic Comedies -

Now I know most of you are thinking about those movies of the Late 90’s early 2000’s that were like Tyler Perry Presents How Stella Got Her Wood While Getting Love and Basketball with her Best Man.  Those were more like Romantic Drama.  I’m talking about Romantic Comedies like 50 First Dates and Wedding Crashers.  Those movies would not work in a Black Version.  Let’s be honest after the 2nd date on 50 First Dates that cat woulda been like this “this chick is too crazy for me.  Plus she can’t remember I spent lobster on her last night.  I’m out!”  Then you got Wedding Crashers.  I was at a black wedding this past weekend.  Trust me them cheap people would have spotted a poser a mile away. “Um…no… We got food for 25 people who are you two?!!” Then they would have been escorted out by Pookie and ‘em.

Horror Movie -

This wouldn’t work because the movie would be too short.

Example:

House : GET OUT!

(People Leave)

The End

And don’t give that Blackbuster Bull they put on BET.  Leprechaun: In the hood It’s exactly what they call it a “HORROR”ible Commedy.  (ba dum ching)

Family Movies where the kids win -

Ice Cube and Bernie Mac have disappointed me.  I know Bernie Mac Never had a movie, but that show pissed me off.  There is no way those kids would have gotten away with the stuff they did in a real man’s house.   And come on Cube.  “Ain’t no loving good enough to get burnt while I’m up in it.  Now that’s realer than Real Deal Holyfield.” – Snoop Dogg.  Oh his show was some bull too.  See our post on Minstreal Reality Shows.

So there are some of the Genres I think are strictly Caucasian.  Can you guys give me some more?

-Trillionaire Wood

W.H.I.T.E (White Humans Instituting Typical Exclusion)

whites only W.H.I.T.E (White Humans Instituting Typical Exclusion)

 

Yesterday we talked about whether black people could be racist.  As always, there were inconclusive findings.  icon sad W.H.I.T.E (White Humans Instituting Typical Exclusion)

Anyway I wanted to ask you guys a question…

We have a lot of organizations that cater to black culture like NSBE (National Black Society of Engineers), Black Greek Organizations, ETC. ETC….  I know at one time in society, we needed these organizations because everything else excluded us.  But are they still valid?  Do we just self-segregate at this point?  And if so, why?

But I’m getting off track here.  Those weren’t my original questions.  My question is if white people had an organization that catered to whites only, like the White Society of Engineers,  do they have a right to?  I’m sure most people would look at that name and think, “OMG! That sounds like the engineering arm of the Ku Klux Klan!!!”  But I mean seriously, if there was a group of white kids that said, “Hey there is an engineering association out there for every other race. Why can’t we have one”,  would they be wrong?    I’m not saying it’s an association that is truly whites only, but it caters to white culture… just like Black Greek organizations cater to black culture, but are no longer exclusively black.   Sidenote:  How crazy is it crazy to see a white guy outstep his bruhs?

There would be many arguments about it here.  I could see both sides.  One could say that any organization that doesn’t exclusive cater to a race is by default a white organization.  But is that true or is it what I asked early?  Do we self-segregate?  Do we not go to those country clubs because they said no blacks allowed at one time and we lived with that limitation?  What say you my fellow nerds?

Can Black People Be Racist?

ClaytonBigsby Hethoughthewaswhite Can Black People Be Racist?

In the continuation of our Black in America series, we are going to ask a question… Can black people be racist?

Well I’m not sure about this one. I think it would all depend on what your definition of racism is. My definition would be…preconceived ideas about a group of people based on skin color, physical features, and cultural background. And being racist for me isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Like a good stereotype is to say that, “all Asians are good a math”… That is a blatantly racist statement, but I don’t think anybody would get offended by being called smart.

But for this particular question I think we have to look at racism in its more common negative tone. A racist statement like, “all Black people like watermelon and chicken”. Again I’m not so offended by that because I like both of those things. Not because I’m black, but because they are delicious.

Well one of my clear friends says the other day that Black people can’t be racist. The only people that can be racist is the race that is in the majority. That race is the power race because of its majority and can oppress other races based on their race. And through his definition he could be right.

So I guess the question is whose definition is right? Can black people be racist, based on either definition? Do we get a pass for the simple hardships we’ve dealt with in this country? Is there a clearer definition of racism? My fellow nerds please pontificate.

Let’s Just Be Honest With Ourselves.

Well your nerds have decided to do their own version of Black in America (shouts out to Soledad O’Brien)…

Our first entry basically aims to dispel some of the lies that black people have told themselves since the days we sang (yes I said sang) Negro spirituals outside the church.

Ced barberhop Lets Just Be Honest With Ourselves.

1.  In the words of Ced from The Barbershop,  “OJ did it”.  Yeah I said it.  If you’ll beat a woman, you’ll kill a woman.  I can’t believe this fool broke the law again after all we’ve done to stand behind him.

2.  We are more racist than white people.  (later on this week we will talk about whether or not black people can be racist).  So let me say it like this, we sterotype more than other races.   We do it a lot when it come to our own race.

3.  For the young people being hood is neither cool or the norm.  I don’t know about you, but for half my childhood I grew up in the hood.   Then we move “out there ’round them white peoples” and trust me the hood is not better.  I like a clean neighborhood without crime.   And in the words of one of my favorite rapper’s 607… “you ain’t real cause you grew up po’ (poor)”.

4.  Being hated on is not a good thing.  I mean don’t get me wrong you are going to have haters.  And it is probably a sign you are doing something good.  But don’t relish in the fact you have haters.  Make it your mission to better mankind so people don’t hate on each other.   I listen to rappers today and they act like it’s a good thing other people want to KILL them.  That is insane!  I don’t want people to kill me because I’m doing well.  That’s nothing to be proud of.

5. We like buffoonery.  That is the only way shows like Flavor, New York, Real and Chance, Cupid and all those other love shows stay on the air.  And for a special pungent brew let me throw in a dash of BET and some Georgia Peaches from the Real House wives of Atlanta.