Category Archives: black

The Dopeness that Is Louie

louisck5 290x300 The Dopeness that Is Louie

When you have lived a significant number of years on this Earth, you come to a few conclusions:                                              

People complain about being delayed on a runway for 30 minutes before eventually taking place in the miracle of flying.  A cell phone call takes longer than a millisecond, and we become frustrated.  This is despite the fact that the call is going to a tower miles away or to a satellite in outer space.  You just have to give it a second.  At that point, you realize that everything is amazing, and nobody is happy.

Kids, albeit cute and innocent, get on your nerves.  And sometimes, you may cuss them out in your head for saying, “Eww,” when you are trying to give them bubblegum-flavored medicine… the same bubblegum flavored medicine that 70% of kids across the world would shoot or machete you for.  As a white child, you just can’t say, “Eww,” to bubblegum flavored medicine.  This is especially true for little, white girls who live in America.  Most of their clothes are made professionally by kids their own age.  That’s not to say white people can’t complain, but black people get to complain more. Contrary to claims in the comment sections of Fox News & CNN articles, slavery did not end 400 years ago.  And even when slavery ended, everything wasn’t just amazing immediately after the fact.  Black people with gray hair may remember times when they could only use certain toilets and water fountains. 

When you take all of that into consideration, white people have it made. Now, I’m not saying white people are better.  But being white, well, clearly is better! White people can travel back to any time in history and have it made.  Black people wouldn’t be able to travel past the year 1980.

You also come to the conclusion that deer aren’t cute.  They’re annoying.  You realize the difference between girls and women.  And it dawns on you that Cinnabons aren’t the healthiest things to eat. 

These are a few reasons why Louis CK is one of the funniest comedians out there. 

What Have You Done for Me Lately?

Michael Eric Dyson 241x300 What Have You Done for Me Lately?

Apparently, Barack Obama hasn’t done enough for black people.

Black leader intellectual, Michael Eric Dyson, in a talk in Iowa last week, made a comment about President Obama’s lack of dialogue on race:

“What difference does it make to have a black president? Maybe not a damn thing. Maybe it’s worse than a white president, ’cause he won’t even talk about race.”

Dyson continued, “I love him, but I will not be silenced.  I’m not asking you to speak up (for black communities) ’cause you’re a black man. I’m asking you to speak up ’cause you’re the president.”

*First of all, if you’re somewhat familiar with Michael Eric Dyson, and have ever heard him speak (whether in person or on tv/radio), then you probably know this “talk” was full of all the Dictionary.com Words of the Day from January 1, 2011 through February 17, 2011.   If you’re also familiar with Dyson, then you know that black leaders intellectuals like him believe that anything black, or race related, is their bailiwick.  But that is neither here nor there….  I receive the daily Word of the Day from Dictionary.com, and I just wanted to use, “bailiwick,” in a sentence.

Back to Dyson, he’s earned his title as an intellectual.  He’s a tenured professor at Georgetown.  Last time I checked, that was a pretty decent school.  Being that Dyson is an intellectual, he should know that politics is a way harsher game than the lecture circuit which he frequents.  A few points:

-President Obama, in some circles, is viewed as a Nazi Socialist who wants to ruin America.  His every political move is challenged and questioned.  Some people don’t even believe he is an American citizen.  Despite undeniable proof of his citizenship, these same people still believe his mama paid the State of Hawaii to cover it up.   He has professed his Christian faith numerous times, yet people still believe he is a Muslim (like there is something wrong with him being a Muslim).  Even during the 2008 campaign, a simple sign of support, affection, and “I got your back,” with his wife was lauded as a “terrorist fist bump.”  White Whitmore fear is at an all-time high.  Yet, you want him to stand up and speak more about how black folks can’t catch a break race when white people overwhelmingly voted him in?  That would be political suicide.

– If Dyson would recall, one of Obama’s shining moments came in 2008, in the wake of the Reverend Wright issues.  Obama gave one of the most impressive, moving, and insightful speeches on race in recent memory.  If you go back and read that speech, Obama not only started a dialogue on race, but he sparked a dialogue on the idea of a post-racial America.

– Just the mere fact that Obama is the first black president has done more for black people since King and the Civil Rights Movement.  When teachers and adults tell black kids that they can be anything in the world, including president, then they are no longer selling a dream.  It actually happened.  And if it actually happened, then it can happen again.  Black kids now have more to aspire to than rapping, singing, playing sports, or acting.

– Barack Obama is the president of the United States of America, not just black people.  With that said…

How about we focus on getting him re-elected?  Follow me on this…

Everyone knows that President Obama is seeking re-election for a second term.  The Rethuglicans know that they have no viable candidate who can beat Obama right now.  During his first term, Obama has had to govern from the center.  In other words, he’s had to walk on eggshells and concede on issues he really believes in for the greater good.

Now imagine a black president in his second term, with no possibility of being re-elected.  If Obama is re-elected in 2012, then I’m predicting 2016 will be when he goes on his When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong tour.  He’ll be unfiltered.  He’ll be on his way out of office.  He will have the platform to say and do all the things he has always wanted to say since 2009.  Us black people might even get reparations checks out of the whole thing!  Who knows?  I just think that by 2015-2016, we could get this version of the president.

So my plea to Michael Eric Dyson is simple:  DON’T MESS THIS UP!

What do you think?  Should Obama talk more about race?  Is Obama doing enough for race relations?

“Everything’s Amazing & Nobody’s Happy” – Learn to Appreciate Stuff

rose colored glasses Everythings Amazing & Nobodys Happy   Learn to Appreciate Stuff

Louis CK has a stand-up album called Hilarious that cause me to have an epiphany.   If you haven’t seen it you should check it out.

He has a section in it called… “Everything’s Amazing & Nobody’s Happy”.

In it he talks about how we complain about everything, but how we never sit back and just realize how good we have things.

I mean think about it.  We complain about flying, but really thinking about flying.   You sit in a plane and go through the air at hundreds of miles an hour and you don’t even feel it unless there is some turbulence.  You can go from New York to California in 5 hours.  In the 1800’s that trip would have took you 3 months and you were likely not to show up in California with the same people you left New York with.

I think about my own life.  I complain about my job a lot.  I get mad because I don’t have a enough work to do and my boss ignores me sometime.  Now let me give you some background.  I have my own office,  my boss doesn’t keep up with my vacation time, I get paid a decent salary, and I’m black.

Can you imagine me complaining to my great-great-great grandfather that was a slave?

Me: I’m tired of my job I don’t do anything.

GGG-grandfather:  Son…You’re a b!tch.  Do you want to switch places?

Your boss ignores you.  I have freaking overseer!

You have an office.  I stay in a shack with 20 people half the size of your office.

You get paid in money.  I get paid in chitlins and rags for clothes.

You get vacation time…. Vacation!  You lazy M.F.  You don’t even work that much.  I work!  I plant enough food to feed Mississippi every day.  Do you know how much a country ninja in Mississippi  can eat?

You sicken me!

So good people at the cool table I implore you to sit back and really think about all the stuff we take for granted and really start to appreciate it.

Baracka Flacka Flames: Are You Offended?

I came across this video surfing the web a while ago.  I put off watching it, and finally decided to check it out today:

First off, this video is hilarious!  This is one of the better impersonations of President of Obama I’ve seen since he became president.  Now, I know what some of you are thinking:

“I’m so appalled!”

“This sets black people back xx amount of years…”

“This is ignorant.”

“How could someone make such an ignorant video?!”

Let’s see what Waka Flocka Flame and his mother/manager had to say about the video:

“That they used it to be so sarcastic; it was almost a form of disrespect.”

“That’s not a positive image for us, period, as African-Americans, where we came from, where we’re going today.”

Ohhhhh reallllllyyyyyy now?!

Here’s the video that the Baracka Flocka Flame parody video is based on:

And here’s explicit version of the original song in case you couldn’t fill in the blanks in the video above:

Yeah… I’m sure Waka Flocka’s song/video are positive images of African-Americans, where we came from, and where we’re going today…

What do you think?  Are you offended by the parody of Waka Flocka/President Obama?  Did you find the video funny?  Thoughts?

Should We Still Segregate Ourselves

Shouts out to Heaven for the article…

Not sure about this. Sounds great from the aspect of seeing black men doing big things. But I always wonder if there is a negative aspect of segregating ourselves. How can we ever be equal if we segregate ourselves?

What do you guys think?

gradient Should We Still Segregate Ourselves News Alert
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nlg black lawyers Should We Still Segregate Ourselves
Made up entirely of Black male lawyers, National Law Group is the first and only Black-owned national legal services company.

Nationwide — National Law Group (NLG) has made history. They are the first and only Black-owned coalition of law firms that offers legal services to customers nationwide. Recently launched, the company is made up entirely of talented and experienced Black lawyers that have collectively won more than $50 million in verdict settlements. They have nearly 100 years in combined experience.

Located around the country in major cities like Baltimore, Chicago, Atlanta, Detroit, Houston, Indianapolis, Jackson, MS, Memphis, Washington, DC and more, the company has a reach to nearly 70% of all African Americans who live in this country. They offer their clients (individuals and families) affordable representation in nearly every legal area including: Racial Discrimination, Gender Discrimination, Age Discrimination, Family Law (Divorce, Child Support, Child Custody), Personal Injury, Criminal Defense, Bankruptcy, Wrongful Death, Medical Malpractice, and more. They are a full-service, one-shop stop.

Via their online presence at BlackLawyers.NET, their aim is to especially help African Americans because of the limited availability of legal assistance and resources that’s very common in urban communities.

“Our goal is to offer an affordable and quality legal service to the African American market,” says Carlos Moore, president and managing partner of the company. “In addition, we want to be role models. It’s important for young Black kids to see young Black men that can work together as attorneys across the country in one big, national company.” Moore, who is a member of the national board of directors of the 100 Black Men of America, Inc., recently won a $12 million jury verdict for a former hoops star left a paraplegic after being inadvertently shot in a nightclub.

Other founding members of the company include: attorneys Bert Jennings, Bryan Wallace, Carl L. Collins, Carlos E. Moore, Jason C. Crump, John A. Moore, John W. Turner, Rodney F. Barganier, Ronald E. Dupree, Trent A. McCain, and Warren McKenna. They all met each other last year in San Diego at the National Bar Association Annual Convention, and were inspired after hearing Dr. Randal Pinkett speak at the Young Lawyers Division Annual Luncheon. After brainstorming about how to support each other, they decided to collaborate and form the only nationwide Black-owned law firm consortium. Just like that, history was made!

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Caucasian Genres (Movies that wouldn’t be good as a Black Version)

movie theater Caucasian Genres (Movies that wouldnt be good as a Black Version)

I was thinking of movies that wouldn’t be good if there was a black version.  And I came to a conclusion that it’s not movies that don’t make sense in a black version.  I have to rule out whole genres.

Romantic Comedies –

Now I know most of you are thinking about those movies of the Late 90’s early 2000’s that were like Tyler Perry Presents How Stella Got Her Wood While Getting Love and Basketball with her Best Man.  Those were more like Romantic Drama.  I’m talking about Romantic Comedies like 50 First Dates and Wedding Crashers.  Those movies would not work in a Black Version.  Let’s be honest after the 2nd date on 50 First Dates that cat woulda been like this “this chick is too crazy for me.  Plus she can’t remember I spent lobster on her last night.  I’m out!”  Then you got Wedding Crashers.  I was at a black wedding this past weekend.  Trust me them cheap people would have spotted a poser a mile away. “Um…no… We got food for 25 people who are you two?!!” Then they would have been escorted out by Pookie and ’em.

Horror Movie –

This wouldn’t work because the movie would be too short.

Example:

House : GET OUT!

(People Leave)

The End

And don’t give that Blackbuster Bull they put on BET.  Leprechaun: In the hood It’s exactly what they call it a “HORROR”ible Commedy.  (ba dum ching)

Family Movies where the kids win –

Ice Cube and Bernie Mac have disappointed me.  I know Bernie Mac Never had a movie, but that show pissed me off.  There is no way those kids would have gotten away with the stuff they did in a real man’s house.   And come on Cube.  “Ain’t no loving good enough to get burnt while I’m up in it.  Now that’s realer than Real Deal Holyfield.” – Snoop Dogg.  Oh his show was some bull too.  See our post on Minstreal Reality Shows.

So there are some of the Genres I think are strictly Caucasian.  Can you guys give me some more?

-Trillionaire Wood

Top 5 Careers After Doing a Reality Show.

rjo0864l Top 5 Careers After Doing a Reality Show.

Yesterday I talked about my reality shows ideas and I would like to see them on TV.  Sadly my agent said the networks shot them down… oh well…

 I’m starting to notice how basically there is a chain reaction to reality shows.   Some people just go from one to the next.  Or as the bible would put it…  The devil begat The Surreal Life.  The Surreal Life begat Strange Love,  Strange Love Begat Flavor of Love,  Flavor of Love begat I Love New York, and I Love New York Begat Real Chance at Love.  And the beast was unleashed upon the Earth and reigned for a 1,000 years.  And there were plagues and pestilence.  And black people got dumber by the day…  (oh sorry went on a little tangent there).  Anyway…

I doubt that there are many career opportunities after being on these shows.  Namely because most of these people weren’t employable in the first place.  And usually after appearing on one of these shows, you make yourself unemployable.  Because most employers would love to see you act a fool, but don’t want you doing it at McDonalds during the lunch time rush.

So I present to you the Top 5 careers after your stint on a reality show.

1.  Another Reality Show.  Hey keep those $700 an episode checks coming in.  As long as you stay of tax payer money.

2. Go back to stripping.  Cause let’s be honest that is the only job you can leave for a couple of weeks to go do a reality show like Real Chance at Love and come back right where you left off.

3. Rapper or Singer.  Most use this as a spring board into those careers.   And it has worked for…hmmm…  drawing a blank here.

4. Acting.  I doubt if you can make it fake reality work.  I’m sure a script is going to be a bit difficult for you.  But hey you can try it.

5. The typical business venture.   Clothing line, book, etc.  I’m sure it would have been just as easy to make a worthwhile product and work hard to make it happen.  But hey we’re in a microwave society, so we don’t time for that work hard and be patient bull. 

My fellow nerds name me some more careers.

-Trillionaire Wood

Minstrel Reality Shows

800px ImperialMinstrelsPostcard Minstrel Reality Shows

Everybody that knows me, knows I don’t watch much TV.   My TV is usually on two channels:  Cartoon Network and HGTV.   I know… I know…   Cartoon Network + HGTV = SISSY!   Well I ain’t no punk!  Test me if you want!

Anyway.  I started flipping through channels and I landed on TVOne (A*K*A,  We’re better than BET but not really).  Well, I started seeing reality shows that were coming out.  I know I’ve been under a rock, so please don’t revoke my black card, but I didn’t know Al B. Sure had a reality show.

*editors note:  I did some more research and realized that he is actually a bachelor competing against other bachelors for… wait for it…  Omarosa!   You’ve got to be kidding me… LOL and other stuff.

And apparently Chilli from TLC does too.   Say it ain’t so Rozonda!!! She is trying find love in all the wrong places.  Then there is a show called NBA wives on MTV.  And I’m like wow is there a reality show for everything?

And so I thought if they can make reality shows for anything, I thought I would pitch some concepts.   You guys tell me what you think…

1.  REGULAR A$$ NINJA$–  We always see the shows where you got people living these ridiculously plush lives. They’re in a masion with the Magic City practice squad.  So I thought why not have a show called Regular Ninjas.  It’s really simple.  You follow a guy around on his normal day.  He gets up, goes to work, maybe works out in the evening, chills with his girl, and goes to bed.   Now I know you may think, “that’s boring and where is the drama?”.   But here is the kicker, HE’S BLACK AND SUCCESSFUL!  So that day actually is more like this…

a. He gets up late and has to think of an excuse because he is on his last strike.

b. He gets pulled over by the cops because obviously he stole that Hyundai.

c. He gets to work and is bombarded by a daily dose of you better be glad we still have quotas around.

d. Him and his girl get into because she’s black and that’s just what happens.  (foward all your hate mail to 123 Idontgiveacrap LN. ,  Your City, YS 12345)

e.  He goes to sleep pissed.

2. Regular A$$ Chicks

a.  See above

b. Add a few more gallons of drama because she is going to talk to her friends about the fight.

3.  Man We Oughta – This show is where instead of  walking away from that one friend that has never had your best interest at heart,  you actually listen to him.  Oh that should be fun.   I know there is a show on Cartoon Network like this called “Dude What Would Happen?”  *Warning side rant*  How in the heck you gone have a reality show on Cartoon Network?  That’s really starting to piss me off *side rant over*.  In that show you have three cats come up with stupid experiments and see what happens.  But here is the difference.  This isn’t any controlled experiment.  You just do it.   Like the show Jackass but with more club fights and probably some drug sales.

4.  Gut Punch –  This is a show where you just go around ruining dreams of people.  Like everyone that raps.  You just go and tell them just how wack they are.  If you can’t sing , act, playball we tell you.  And this show should start at a young age.   Like 10 and older.  Maybe we can salvage the future of the youth.

5.  You’re a Has Been, or a Never Was.  Stop it. –  On this show you go around and actually deny people reality shows that usually get them.   Like you go tell Lisaraye her show has been cancelled because she only famous for being a stripper in a movie.  Then you pour red paint on that d@mn white she wears all the freaking time.

So my fellow nerds help me come up with some more reality shows.

-Trillionaire Wood