Yesterday I talked about my reality shows ideas and I would like to see them on TV. Sadly my agent said the networks shot them down… oh well…
I’m starting to notice how basically there is a chain reaction to reality shows. Some people just go from one to the next. Or as the bible would put it… The devil begat The Surreal Life. The Surreal Life begat Strange Love, Strange Love Begat Flavor of Love, Flavor of Love begat I Love New York, and I Love New York Begat Real Chance at Love. And the beast was unleashed upon the Earth and reigned for a 1,000 years. And there were plagues and pestilence. And black people got dumber by the day… (oh sorry went on a little tangent there). Anyway…
I doubt that there are many career opportunities after being on these shows. Namely because most of these people weren’t employable in the first place. And usually after appearing on one of these shows, you make yourself unemployable. Because most employers would love to see you act a fool, but don’t want you doing it at McDonalds during the lunch time rush.
So I present to you the Top 5 careers after your stint on a reality show.
1. Another Reality Show. Hey keep those $700 an episode checks coming in. As long as you stay of tax payer money.
2. Go back to stripping. Cause let’s be honest that is the only job you can leave for a couple of weeks to go do a reality show like Real Chance at Love and come back right where you left off.
3. Rapper or Singer. Most use this as a spring board into those careers. And it has worked for…hmmm… drawing a blank here.
4. Acting. I doubt if you can make it fake reality work. I’m sure a script is going to be a bit difficult for you. But hey you can try it.
5. The typical business venture. Clothing line, book, etc. I’m sure it would have been just as easy to make a worthwhile product and work hard to make it happen. But hey we’re in a microwave society, so we don’t time for that work hard and be patient bull.
Everybody that knows me, knows I don’t watch much TV. My TV is usually on two channels: Cartoon Network and HGTV. I know… I know… Cartoon Network + HGTV = SISSY! Well I ain’t no punk! Test me if you want!
Anyway. I started flipping through channels and I landed on TVOne (A*K*A, We’re better than BET but not really). Well, I started seeing reality shows that were coming out. I know I’ve been under a rock, so please don’t revoke my black card, but I didn’t know Al B. Sure had a reality show.
*editors note: I did some more research and realized that he is actually a bachelor competing against other bachelors for… wait for it… Omarosa! You’ve got to be kidding me… LOL and other stuff.
And apparently Chilli from TLC does too. Say it ain’t so Rozonda!!! She is trying find love in all the wrong places. Then there is a show called NBA wives on MTV. And I’m like wow is there a reality show for everything?
And so I thought if they can make reality shows for anything, I thought I would pitch some concepts. You guys tell me what you think…
1. REGULAR A$$ NINJA$- We always see the shows where you got people living these ridiculously plush lives. They’re in a masion with the Magic City practice squad. So I thought why not have a show called Regular Ninjas. It’s really simple. You follow a guy around on his normal day. He gets up, goes to work, maybe works out in the evening, chills with his girl, and goes to bed. Now I know you may think, “that’s boring and where is the drama?”. But here is the kicker, HE’S BLACK AND SUCCESSFUL! So that day actually is more like this…
a. He gets up late and has to think of an excuse because he is on his last strike.
b. He gets pulled over by the cops because obviously he stole that Hyundai.
c. He gets to work and is bombarded by a daily dose of you better be glad we still have quotas around.
d. Him and his girl get into because she’s black and that’s just what happens. (foward all your hate mail to 123 Idontgiveacrap LN. , Your City, YS 12345)
e. He goes to sleep pissed.
2. Regular A$$ Chicks
a. See above
b. Add a few more gallons of drama because she is going to talk to her friends about the fight.
3. Man We Oughta – This show is where instead of walking away from that one friend that has never had your best interest at heart, you actually listen to him. Oh that should be fun. I know there is a show on Cartoon Network like this called “Dude What Would Happen?” *Warning side rant* How in the heck you gone have a reality show on Cartoon Network? That’s really starting to piss me off *side rant over*. In that show you have three cats come up with stupid experiments and see what happens. But here is the difference. This isn’t any controlled experiment. You just do it. Like the show Jackass but with more club fights and probably some drug sales.
4. Gut Punch - This is a show where you just go around ruining dreams of people. Like everyone that raps. You just go and tell them just how wack they are. If you can’t sing , act, playball we tell you. And this show should start at a young age. Like 10 and older. Maybe we can salvage the future of the youth.
5. You’re a Has Been, or a Never Was. Stop it. - On this show you go around and actually deny people reality shows that usually get them. Like you go tell Lisaraye her show has been cancelled because she only famous for being a stripper in a movie. Then you pour red paint on that d@mn white she wears all the freaking time.
So my fellow nerds help me come up with some more reality shows.
A friend of mine was going through some emails, and found an OLD poem I wrote over 5 years ago. I decided to share it with y’all. Check it out… *Ahem:
IF I curse does that mean I’m perceived as bad in your eyes,
When you’re just as profane in your actions?
But you know what they say, image is everything,
So I choose to live for the satisfaction
Of the God who created me in His image
Forget your reaction
IF you can’t seem to get in touch with me,
Maybe it’s not you, but my own problems I’m avoiding through solitude,
But since you’re the victim you call it rude
And though all is true,
You don’t even bother to leave a simple message on the voicemail,
So what reason do I have for calling you?
IF a girl has sex with many guys, is she a hoe?
I say no
See I debated… with a girl on this
And found a common ground where we related,
See a hoe has a pimp who collects figgaz,
And some girls pimp themselves, you know, gold-diggaz
So I figga’d, If you’re a girl who gives up the butt for free, not a fee,
Or a male who cuts because it takes two for such…
Then the politically correct term for you is a slut
IF you’re a female who claims to get along better with males than your
own gender,
Then what does that really say about you, sister?
Cause you’ll contradict and say all men are dogs
And if that fits me, of course I’ma go along, to get along, get you
home, and get a bone
Don’t get me wrong,
I’m just saying what I see in your attitude
So the proper gratitude is to admit the truth and change
Cause if we all did that, being normal wouldn’t be so strange
Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re far too kiiiiiind!
These days, there are reality shows everywhere. It seems as if everyone has a reality show… even people I’ve never heard of.
Pretty Wild? Ummmm no!
Kendra? Who the heck is Kendra?
Real Chance of Love? So you want to watch the average lame dude in the club and the stunt double for the black guy from Twilight… but with a perm… search through a group of opportunists ladies to find love?
What happened to good television? What happened to something that has an actual plot? Storyline? Irony? I thought TV was supposed to be a form of escapism. Why would I want to escape watching someone else live THEIR lives? No, thanks. I’d rather post up and do some actual people watching.
Still, all hope isn’t lost. I present to you a list of shows that still make great television. For now, we’ll just stick with sitcoms:
The Office
How I Met Your Mother:
Robot Chicken:
These are just a few. What say you? Name some other slept-on TV shows. Feel free to drop a Youtube link!
When I was in college, there was a dorm at my school called Confederate Memorial Hall. Most of the time it was just called Confederate Hall, which I don’t need to tell you caused many a black people to look like the way Three Six Mafia described Chinese women’s vaginas. It’s just something about the word “Confederate” that brings in thoughts of Kunta Kinte, and him being whipped into the name Toby. The reason for the name, Confederate Memorial Hall, was it was funded by the Daughters of the the Confederacy (DOC) as a memorial to the fallen soldiers of the Confederacy.
Well because of public outcry, the dorm’s name was changed to Memorial Hall. This was done without the DOC’s knowledge, and they sued (rightfully so). Well Vandy was a little smart. The university changed the name in all publications, but left the name on the building facade. They didn’t want to have to give UDC back the $50, 000 that was given to fund the dorm 72 years ago… Which in today’s dollars converts to about $2.2 million… or about a year’s tuition for one student …J/K…only a little. :(
While I was in college, I followed the crowd on this one which was, “Screw them! They made us slaves!” Well now I have to go back on that previous idea. Although slavery was a huge part of the Confederacy, I understand there were numerous other issues that caused that war. And those men, at the time, died for their country fighting for what they believed in. And if their people want to pay for a memorial for that, then I have to say that is all good to me… BUT…We have to see both sides of that: The dark and the light. Sadly, in most wars that are fought, only the winner gets to decide who was right. I’m sure if the South had won, the North would have the same problems with memorials.
“Treason is all a matter of dates ” – From the Movie the Count of Monte Cristo.
I’ll add to that it’s a matter of outcome as well.
But I say all that to keep my topic in perspective.
VA Gov. Bob McDonnell made the declaration that April will be “Confederate History Month”. Now I can see where people would have a problem with this. But let’s be clear (In my Obama voice)… I think it is just as wrong not to have a Confederate History month as it is to not to have Black History Month. He did it for a clear reason. He wanted to honor the past and boost tourism for the state. I don’t have a problem with that. But here is my problem Bob…
How dare you not cite the roll of slavery? Now Bob I don’t have a problem with you honoring your people, but don’t you dare not tell the whole truth. Keep it real son!
I think Martin Luther King was one of the greatest men to walk the Earth. We honor him as well as all black pioneers during Black History month. But let’s be honest. MLK smoked, and he messed around with other women. That’s the truth, and we would do ourselves a disservice not to tell the whole truth no matter how ugly it is.
I’m probably thinking too much on this one when I think about Bob’s merits. (Which I tend to do) But to me that is very careless and mildly racist.
So I don’t have any problem with what you do. I say leave the name Confederate Memorial Hall. I say have your Confederate Month. But don’t forget my heritage in the process.
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The Conference Call (4 points of view) - A four person commentary on race, economic, and political issues, locally, nationally, and globally, conducted by young professionals from widely varied backgrounds (2 white, 2 black, 2 conservative, 2 more liberal).
