So… You get home from work and go through the motions daily routine of talking to your significant other (whether on the phone or in person). You get the redundant, expected info from her about her day: Irritating co-worker, what she had for lunch, blah, blah, blah, etc. She’s on her spill when all of a sudden, she stops mid-sentence to say, “Oh, and guess who tried to holla at me today?”
Homer Simpson: Urge to kill… rising.
She then continues to go on about some gold-grill, extra crisply, Jerome-looking guy smelling like Sex Panther, who tried to talk to her. She goes on about how lame he looked, the corny things he said, blah, blah, blah, etc. Then she goes into the spill of how she turned him down and how she “HAS A MAN.”
Biggest backhanded compliment ever…
Guess what ladies? We don’t wanna hear that sh**!
Why? Glad you asked. Cue up Earth, Wind, & Fire. These are the reasons:
1. We know you’re frontin! Sure, you’re quick to complain and point out the Roland Martin lookin’ dude who tried to get at you… You tell us because you want us to get in the amen-corner with you on how he would have the audacity to even talk to you. You feel he’s almost beneath you in a sense. We understand. Good for you. A woman will be quick to mention to her man the uber-lame guys who approached her… but would you mention that Idris-Morris-Kodjoe-Bush (or whoever y’all ogle over nowadays) pulled up in a Ferrari, lavished you with compliments, and wanted to take you out? Would you mention that for a second you thought about giving him the draws number, before turning him down because you have a man? Exactly.
2. We’re men. We already know these things. So you’re mad that some guy approached you in Walmart while your hair was pinned back/in a scarf, you had on sweats, and were in straight up lounge mode? It’s a well known fact that men like azz. And azz, last time I checked, looks especially great in sweat pants. So I guess you could say… We’ll holla at anything! You look like a clone of Macy Gray & Esther Role in the face, but got a fatty? Holla! Holla! Holla! No makeup on and buckshots in your head? We’re not trying to smash your buckshots! Aunt Flo just came in town, you’re feeling bloated, and rockin’ one your worst fits? Lemme get that nummmmba! It’s a well known fact that every woman gets stared at, approached, commented on, glared at, etc, at least 2.5 times a day.
3. Do you need a compliment? Maybe your man doesn’t give you enough compliments. Maybe he’s starting to take you for granted. So casually letting him know that another guy wants you is letting him know that he needs to step his game up. You could just let him know directly, but that would be too much like right.
4. You can dish it out, but can’t take it. We don’t even have to mention Beyonce groped us in the elevator this morning. All we have to do is mention how that sweater you bought us caused Precious to give us the effdashytouttayou eye… and you’ll be ready to cut her!
So, ladies, remember this next time you think about telling your guy about who tried to holla at you. We know we’re not the only guy who finds you attractive. We just like to believe we are. Stroke that ego, baby! Stroke that ego!
Good night and good luck!