Not spankings… whoopins! When you think of a spanking, you think of hand-to-bottom. When you think of whoopins, you think of belt, switch, brush, extension cord, race car track, etc, to bottom, legs, back, etc. LOL.
Continuing from yesterday’s post by Wood, we wanted to have a little fun today and talk about the types of whoopins typically given in most black households growing up. Let’s get into it:
The Broken Record – In the middle of the whoopin, mama just starts sounding like a broken record… with each lash from the belt coinciding with a word. At the end, she proceeds to get her Lil Jon on… Ex: DON’T(BAP).YOU(BAP).EVER(BAP).DO(BAP).THAT(BAP).A(BAP)GAIN!!!!!(BAP, BAP, BAP).HUH?(BAP)HUH?(BAP)HUH?(BAP)YOUHEAHMEH?(BAP)HUH?(BAP)WHAAAAT??!!(BAP)YAYEAAA!!!!!!!(BAP)OKAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!(BAP)
The Felt-A-Belt – You heard of the Rope-A-Dope? Well, I’m sure Muhammed Ali got that idea from his mama when she was tearin’ that tail up! The Felt-A-Belt happens when you’re getting a whoopin with a belt. Somewhere in the middle of the thrashing, you get this bright idea to grab the belt. What ensues is the greatest battle of wills ever witnessed. It’s when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.
Parent: “Boy, I know you just ain’t grab this belt! Let it go!”
Child: “Uh uhhhhhhh (sniffle)”
Parent: “Let it got, boy!”
Child: “Uh uhhhhhh. You hit my scaaaaabbbbbb!”
At this point, U.N. peacekeepers are usually called in to intervene.
Death Row – You’re at the store. You’re acting up. Mom or Dad says, “I’mma get you when we get home.” You’d rather they just whoop you in the store. The time at the store becomes longer. The car ride home is a road trip. And then you get home… but nothing happens! You carry on. You eat dinner. Mom or Dad might even crack a little joke or two. Then you get ready for bed. You get in your pajamas, shorts, or whatever. You turn out the light. Then you get in the bed. Then the light comes on with your parent looking like this:
“Now, you know you don’ f****d up right?”
Then the whoopin’ proceeds.
Have I missed anything? What other types of whoopins are out there? What’s the craziest thing you received a spanking/whoopin’ for? Any funny moments?