The Dopeness that Is Louie

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When you have lived a significant number of years on this Earth, you come to a few conclusions:                                              

People complain about being delayed on a runway for 30 minutes before eventually taking place in the miracle of flying.  A cell phone call takes longer than a millisecond, and we become frustrated.  This is despite the fact that the call is going to a tower miles away or to a satellite in outer space.  You just have to give it a second.  At that point, you realize that everything is amazing, and nobody is happy.

Kids, albeit cute and innocent, get on your nerves.  And sometimes, you may cuss them out in your head for saying, “Eww,” when you are trying to give them bubblegum-flavored medicine… the same bubblegum flavored medicine that 70% of kids across the world would shoot or machete you for.  As a white child, you just can’t say, “Eww,” to bubblegum flavored medicine.  This is especially true for little, white girls who live in America.  Most of their clothes are made professionally by kids their own age.  That’s not to say white people can’t complain, but black people get to complain more. Contrary to claims in the comment sections of Fox News & CNN articles, slavery did not end 400 years ago.  And even when slavery ended, everything wasn’t just amazing immediately after the fact.  Black people with gray hair may remember times when they could only use certain toilets and water fountains. 

When you take all of that into consideration, white people have it made. Now, I’m not saying white people are better.  But being white, well, clearly is better! White people can travel back to any time in history and have it made.  Black people wouldn’t be able to travel past the year 1980.

You also come to the conclusion that deer aren’t cute.  They’re annoying.  You realize the difference between girls and women.  And it dawns on you that Cinnabons aren’t the healthiest things to eat. 

These are a few reasons why Louis CK is one of the funniest comedians out there. 

It’s Real in These Streets

In case you didn’t know, it’s real out here in these streets.  At any time, it could pop off in the Whole Foods parking lot.  What you know about riding around with trash bags in the Prius, just in case you have to dump a body off… or recycle?  Pusha man soliciting drugs?  Wrong… wrong!  How about a man with a push-pen & a clipboard, soliciting signatures for petitions?

Either they don’t know, don’t show, or don’t care about what’s going on in the ‘burbs.

When in Rome…

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In New York, a young college student wakes up to get ready for work.  He lives on campus, but his job is in another borough.  Leaving his dorm, he walks a couple of blocks down to the subway to take metro.  During his commute to work, he spends most of his time walking and riding the train.  Earphones, in his ear, he listens to an assortment of rap songs with hard drums, samples, and airy beats that give leeway for the emcee on the song to speak to him.  During his long commute, he wants to listen to every detail.

In Texas, a group of guys are getting ready to go out for the night.    One of the hot spots around town is a local club where most of the fun happens outside in the parking lot.  Groups of people ride slow, cruising the parking lot like an amateur car show is taking place.  The prowess of the ride, from the rims, to the sound, is what’s on full display.  The group of guys gather in an old Caprice that looks like it was made in 2011, but was actually made in 1987.  As they make the commute from the freeway to the club, they listen to an assortment of raps songs with 808 kick drums, soulful samples that sound like 70’s band covers, heavy bass, and catchy melodies for the songs’ choruses.  The sound is the soundtrack for the night.

In California, a group of guys are riding around.  The California weather is just perfect enough for the driver to let the top back on his Impala.  Riding past palm trees, shops, and pretty women, the prowess of the ride is what’s on full display.  Blasting from the stereo is an assortment of rap songs with funk samples, heavy bass, and catchy melodies.  The music is aggressive, yet laidback. 

What am I getting at?

The culture of a region dictates the type of hip hop that is popular in that region.

As far as hip hop goes, not one coast or region is necessarily better.  Good music is good music.  But maybe the cultures of our regions influence the taste for that region.  On the East Coast, people don’t spend as much time in their cars.  Everything is always on the move.  When things finally do slow down, then it’s a time to take in everything around you, including the music.  In the South, we spend most of our time in our cars.  It’s one of the reasons why Southern music and West Coast music have such similar sounds.  Both of our cultures are laidback.  ]

This doesn’t mean that Southerners prefer beats over lyrics, or that East Coast listeners need everything to be deep.  It doesn’t mean that West Coast listeners have a particular preference.  I’m of the mindset, “To each his own.” 

I just know that when I’m on my way to kick it, I want to listen to something with heavy bass, an 808 drum with a kick harder than Habanero, a hook that sets the mood for the debauchery I’m about to get into, with misogynistic lyrics that aren’t outright vulgar, but poetically intertwined with the music in such a way that it’s tastefully vulgar. 

And I want you to hear it from a block away.

How do you like the majority of your music?  Do you prefer catchy or deep lyrics?  Do you prefer wittiness or something that draws emotion?

The Jetsons

The Jetsons The Jetsons

Just when you thought Facebook was on stage four of the five-stages of the social network life cyle (RIP Blackplanet, College Club, and Myspace), ol’ Zuck had a trick up his sleeve to further delay the inevitable.  *Recently it was announced that Skype will be integrated into Facebook, allowing users to make video calls to their friends.

*This move by Facebook was a direct move to counter the announcement of Google Plus.  Google Plus is Google’s new social networking product, which has been getting pretty good reviews even though it hasn’t been officially released yet.

What does this mean?  Video calls and chats will become more common than voice calls.  We’re officially in the age of The Jetsons.  Now that we’ve arrived, what are some ways that video chatting can contribute to the greater good (or evil)?

1)     Long distance relationships – People have already been using Skype, but Facebook has 750 million users.  With the ability to video chat on a whim, an extra 6 months to a year can easily be added to the expiration date of a long distance relationship.

2)     Online dating – It’s no secret that people use Facebook to hook up.  Now, you can actually talk to someone face-to-face before ever deciding to meet up.  By next year, the term, “virtual first date,” will be heard and used everywhere.

3)     Cheating – There is a dark side to the force.  Nuclear energy can be used for a lot of good things.  It can also be used to annihilate entire cities in the form of a missile.  With that said, please believe that people are going to use video chatting to cheat and creep around on their significant others.

4)     Employment – More and more companies are using social networking to market, recruit, and hire new employees.  Looking to relocate to a job in another state?  No problem.  We can interview you via video and still have the same experience as sitting face-to-face.  Just don’t stand up and let us know you’ve been sitting in your draws the whole time.

5)     Fan Interactions – Celebs could hold contests where the lucky fan could win the opportunity to chat face-to-face with their favorite celebs.  This could definitely be a good marketing tool to promote a movie, album, single, book, etc.

What are some other ways that video chatting on Facebook could help or hurt?

Debt Ceiling Cliffnotes

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If you’re confused about all of the talk in the news about debt ceilings, taxes, government shutdowns, and what not, no need to worry about what it all means.  Here at The Cool Table, we’ll explain it simple and plain:

1) In 2001 we decided to cut taxes on the wealthiest Americans.

2) September 11 happened.  Then we decided to go to war.  Wars costs lots of money.

3) Two wars and a financial bailout later, it’s time to pay the piper.  The thing is, we’ve reached the limit on what we can borrow.  No more can be borrowed unless we raise the “debt ceiling,” or limit on what we can borrow.  It’s similar to you calling your credit card company and asking them to raise the limit on your Visa card.

4) Our government runs on a budget.  In order to pay for things, we need money.  If the “credit limit” isn’t increased, then we can’t pay for things, much less make payments on what we already owe.  So we have to borrow more money, bring more money in, and stop spending on certain things.

5) Traditionally, Democrats believe in using revenue from taxes to pay for things.  Traditionally, Republicans believe in lower taxes, in hopes that those who hold most of the wealth will use the tax savings to do things like create jobs, invest, etc.  With more jobs, then you have more people paying taxes.  With more investing, you can tax money made from investments rather than incomes.  Hopefully, that would offset money not coming in from income taxes.

6) We can’t really agree on which approach is best, so we argue, give long speeches, debate, and accuse each other on TV.  Oh, and some of the people in charge who hold elected positions are afraid of not being re-elected.  Therefore, they hold on to traditional beliefs regardless of how it will affect the country.

There you have it!  Now that you know, what do you think the best approach is?

Curve Your Thirst

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In 2011, you should never get a response like this.

 

If you have been on twitter for a while, then you may have heard the words, “thirst,” “thirsty,” or, “curve.”  These terms may be foreign to you now, but we practice the meaning behind these words almost everyday.  Today, we have decided to break this slang down so that you won’t be naked out there in the world… or end up naked and blaming someone else other than yourself.

Fact:  The thirst is real.

What exactly is, “thirst,” or, “being thirsty?”

Thirst – the act of exhibiting blatant or subtle desperation for the attention, recognition, validation, or affection of another; in a sober state, the act may or may not be direct; in an inebriated state, the act is direct, aggressive, and forthright; at the root of “thirst” is horniness, and it can only be combated with a “curve.”

What exactly is “the curve?

Curve – the act of combating blatant or subtle desperation for the attention, recognition, validation, or affection of another; a curve is most often indirect, but the meaning behind it is always implied;  the things women or men say and do to avoid someone who is interested in them.

But how do I know what the thirst looks like?  How do I know when I’m being curved?  Ahh, glad you asked.  Here are some examples:

Situation 1: You see a random girl on Twitter who you find attractive:

You: @sanctified_sexxi_mami is looking good in that profile pic. (Thirst)

She replies: Awww, thx boo icon smile Curve Your Thirst (Curve)

Breakdown: Upon reading your halfway creepy tweet, she immediately goes to check your profile.  If she finds you attractive, it’s flattering.  If she’s not interested, it’s creepy.  She’s not interested.  In order to help you out, let you down easy, and be cordial, she just says, “Thanks boo.”  She says, “boo,” to everybody though.  You’ve been curved.

Situation 2: You meet a girl, and go out on a date.  The date wasn’t bad, but you’re not sure if it was just great either.  A day after the date, you decide to call or text girl and see how she’s doing.  No response.  A couple of days pass, and you decide to give it another try.  You text her that morning:

You: “Good morning.  Had a cool time when we went out.  Hopefully we can hang out again.  Hope you have a good day today.”

Her: (5 hours later) Hi Friend!  Thx(Curve).

Breakdown: Well, friend, you’ve just been curved.  Anytime a woman says, “Hi friend,” it means you have been friend-zoned into the outermost realms of friend-zonededness.

Situation 3: 97% of women who go to NBA All-Star Weekend… give 3%.  With turkey basters tucked away neatly in their clutch handbags, these women have a 3 step plan: 1) Land a baller.  Any baller.  Delonte West will do.  2) Get pregnant. 3) Land on Season 8 of Basketball Wives, officially launching their brand.

Situation 4: You’ve been chasing or in the friend zone interested in a certain young lady for quite a while.  She’s not interested you, but continually “curves” you.   However, as years go by, the tables turn.  She added 50 lbs to her 5’3 frame, and you now look like Dwight Howard in the shoulders.  She sees you out one night.  You both speak.  Her interest is peaked.  You almost throw up.  One day, you get a random text:

Her:  Wow you lost a lot of weight.  You look really good now.  We should kick it some time.  I really want to know how you changed your body so much.  I really need a workout buddy. (Thirst)

You:  Yeah, hit me up on Facebook and we’ll make it happen. (Curve)

What about you?  Name some times where you may have “curved” or been given the “curve.”

Getting to Know You…

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Let’s look at a few scenarios:

Scenario 1: A man and woman go out on a first date.  They catch a hilarious movie, and exchange small talk before and during the movie.  After the movie, they go to a wine bar for drinks and conversation.

Scenario 2: An attractive, young, professional woman meets a man who seems to “have it all together.”  On the surface, he meets all of her standards and criteria.  After a couple of dates, she decides to friend him on Facebook, follow him on Twitter, and stalk check out his tweets and status messages from time to time.  She finds that he acts one way with her, yet his tweets and status updates depict an insecure, misoginistic, guy with a potty mouth and a slight obession with Justin Bieber.

Scenario 3: A man and woman, who just met two weeks ago, have been having lunch together 3-4 times a week ever since.  Each lunch date consists of laughs, jokes, discussions on intriguing topics, and deep conversation.

Scenario 4: A couple has been dating exclusively for 2 months.  The relationship is new.   The guy describes his girlfriend as kind, patient, and down to earth.  The lady describes her boyfriend as caring, sweet, and patient.  One day, the woman decides to treat herself to a $150 pair of shoes.  Upon leaving the mall, the woman’s car won’t start.   She calls her man to pick her up.  He just sat in the chair at the barbershop, and said he’ll be there as soon as he gets out the chair.  She hangs up on him.  When he finally arrives, she gets in the car with a visible attitude, clutching her shopping bags, and makes a snarky remark toward him.  He makes a snarky remark back.  They end up arguing in the car and cussing each other out.  During the argument, they both call each other out their names.

Scenario 5: A woman meets a man at a lounge, and is really interested.  They exchange numbers, and agree to go out on a date.  Before going out on a date, the woman decides to look up the man one of those “people finder” sites (that shows public court documents, criminal history, etc.), and finds that he has a criminal record due to a incident that occurred 10 years prior.

Now…

Out of all these scenarios, (assuming the goal is getting to know someone else and not to just end up in a relationship) which one do YOU believe is the ideal way to really get to know someone?

Cool Things: Five Sites to Make Your Web Experience More Nerdy…

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Nowadays, we want the internet to do everything for us.  Personally, I want the internet to educate, humor, entertain, inform, engage, enlighten, and, possibly, feed me.  When I go to Google, I want it to solve my problems before I hit, “Enter.”  In fact, I want Google to read my mind and solve my problems as soon as I type the first two characters.  With that said, here are five cool sites that will make your web experience a bit more informative, entertaining, and worthwhile.  Be sure to add them to your Google Reader:

Sports & Pop Culture

Grantland.com – Bill Simmons is one of the greatest sportswriters of this generation.  His intertwining of sportswriting with pop culture and wit is the appeal of what makes his columns so popular and entertaining.  The ESPN columnist recently launched his new website which includes columns from Simmons (and other great writers) on sports and pop culture.

Political

Politico.com – If the Huffington Post is too liberal for you, and Fox News is simply out of the question, then Politico serves as a decent happy medium for all things politics and all things Washington.

Lifestyle

Lifehacker.com – It is as advertised:  The guide to working smarter, faster, and better.

Funny

Funnyordie.com – It’s the Youtube of comedy.  Will Ferrell is one of the site’s co-founders.  Nuff said.

Money & Finances

Wisebread.com – Great site for personal finance and frugal living.

Tackling the Jobs Issue…

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The economy is, and has been, the most important issue in America for the past 3 years.  In 2008, jobs were being cut left and right.  No one seemed to be hiring.  Things looked dire.  In 2011, one could argue that companies are hiring.  Yet, unemployment numbers haven’t improved as they should.  Some employers argue that taxes, revenues, and losses are contributing to lack of vacancies.  Contrarily, some employers argue that there are indeed openings.  The problem is that there aren’t enough skilled applicants out there to fill vacancies.

Somebody is lying.

Considering the latter, how do we approach this problem?  Americans are more educated than ever before.  In 2002, it was reported that 80% of Americans are graduates of high school or higher, compared to 75% in 1990 (http://www.usatoday.com/news/education/2002-06-05-education-census.htm).  Here’s a newsflash:  It’s 2011, and more folks are getting degrees.  Colleges are reporting more incoming freshmen than ever.  Tuition costs are skyrocketing.  Getting a degree is sexy now.

So where are the jobs?  The cost of living isn’t going down anytime soon… or ever.  What’s the solution?

There is saying about Harvard:  Colleges train students to look for jobs.  Harvard trains students to create jobs.  Personally, I believe there are two solutions to the problem: Jobs training and Innovation.

Considering innovation, we need more entrepreneurs.  Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, the heads of some of America’s biggest, most successful companies are college dropouts.  Does this mean we need more college dropouts?  Certainly not.  But if there are more people in college than ever before, being groomed to look for jobs, then that means there are less people looking to create jobs.

Considering jobs training, colleges need to look at preparing students to enter successful careers in the workforce.  This means equipping students with skills that hiring managers are looking for in potential employees.  Here’s a hint:  Knowing how to use Microsoft Word is not a skill that sets you apart from other applicants.  For most hiring managers, it’s an assumed skill.

What skills, then, would be considered crucial for someone to land at least an entry level job in today’s market?  Here are a couple:

Computer Literacy – We’re in the technology age.  Most employers are no longer even taking paper job applications or resumes anymore.  Everything is moving online.  If you have trouble creating a Google account, then you might have trouble filling out a job application online nowadays.  Computer literacy, at the least today, involves fundamental competencies in using a computer for word processing, presentations, spreadsheets, and navigating websites.

Soft Skills – Employers are looking for people who work well on their own as well as in groups.  Can you give a presentation to a small group if need be?  Do you have good verbal and written communication skills?  Do you have a positive attitude?  Employers aren’t just looking for good workers, but also good people.

What other skills would you say are crucial to the workforce?  Though needs vary from job to job, what are some skills that are mandatory, yet transferable, across the board?