Skype on TV…

So apparently Skype will be coming to a flat-screen near you:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/03/02/skype.on.tv.videophone/index.html

From the article:

“The common use of videophones could happen through three technologies that separately aren’t exactly considered bleeding edge today: high-speed Internet, a television, and Skype. Samsung says it will put the VoIP calling service Skype as an application on its televisions, allowing phone calls to be made on camera right from a couch, just like Jane Jetson talking into her TV set. The Samsung Skype-enabled TV follows similar announcements from Panasonic and LG at the Consumer Electronics Show in January.

The models will range from to $1,200 to $2,000 for Panasonic’s set. Samsung and LG have not yet announced how much they will charge.

The Skype on TV application should work similarly on all three models, which in turn should closely mimic the version of the application that many people use to make free PC to PC calls, or for a fee, PC to landline.”

The same consulting team that worked with the Geek Squad/Best Buy on the idea of coming to your home to “install” your PS3 or Xbox360 and “set up your wi-fi” must have came up with this bull…

Why?

If you have a flat screen TV and a laptop, you can make video calls on your TV with an HDMI cable and an internet connection. 

I suppose there really is a market out there for idiots, posers who buy the latest thing b/c it’s the latest thing, and lazy people.

Tags: flat screen tv's, hdmi, idiots, skype

Men’s Hidden Truth #1,294…

So… You get home from work and go through the motions daily routine of talking to your significant other (whether on the phone or in person).  You get the redundant, expected info from her about her day: Irritating co-worker, what she had for lunch, blah, blah, blah, etc.  She’s on her spill when all of a sudden, she stops mid-sentence to say, “Oh, and guess who tried to holla at me today?” 

Homer Simpson:  Urge to kill… rising.

She then continues to go on about some gold-grill, extra crisply, Jerome-looking guy smelling like Sex Panther, who tried to talk to her.  She goes on about how lame he looked, the corny things he said, blah, blah, blah, etc.  Then she goes into the spill of how she turned him down and how she “HAS A MAN.”

Biggest backhanded compliment ever…

Guess what ladies?  We don’t wanna hear that sh**!

Why?  Glad you asked.  Cue up Earth, Wind, & Fire.  These are the reasons:

1. We know you’re frontin!  Sure, you’re quick  to complain and point out the Roland Martin lookin’ dude who tried to get at you… You tell us because you want us to get in the amen-corner with you on how he would have the audacity to even talk to you.  You feel he’s almost beneath you in a sense.  We understand.  Good for you.  A woman will be quick to mention to her man the uber-lame guys who approached her… but would you mention that Idris-Morris-Kodjoe-Bush (or whoever y’all ogle over nowadays) pulled up in a Ferrari, lavished you with compliments, and wanted to take you out?  Would you mention that for a second you thought about giving him the draws number, before turning him down because you have a man?  Exactly. 

2. We’re men.  We already know these things.  So you’re mad that some guy approached you in Walmart while your hair was pinned back/in a scarf, you had on sweats, and were in straight up lounge mode?  It’s a well known fact that men like azz.  And azz, last time I checked, looks especially great in sweat pants.  So I guess you could say… We’ll holla at anything!  You look like a clone of Macy Gray & Esther Role in the face, but got a fatty?  Holla! Holla!  Holla!  No makeup on and buckshots in your head?  We’re not trying to smash your buckshots!  Aunt Flo just came in town, you’re feeling bloated, and rockin’ one your worst fits?  Lemme get that nummmmba!  It’s a well known fact that every woman gets stared at, approached, commented on, glared at, etc, at least 2.5 times a day. 

3. Do you need a compliment?  Maybe your man doesn’t give you enough compliments.  Maybe he’s starting to take you for granted.  So casually letting him know that another guy wants you is letting him know that he needs to step his game up.  You could just let him know directly, but that would be too much like right.

4. You can dish it out, but can’t take it.  We don’t even have to mention Beyonce groped us in the elevator this morning.  All we have to do is mention how that sweater you bought us caused Precious to give us the effdashytouttayou eye… and you’ll be ready to cut her! 

So, ladies, remember this next time you think about telling your guy about who tried to holla at you.  We know we’re not the only guy who finds you attractive.  We just like to believe we are.  Stroke that ego, baby!  Stroke that ego!

Good night and good luck!

Tags: love, men, Relationships, Trillionaire Wood, women

Bad Taste in My Mouth

Valentines Day leaves a bad taste in my mouth like those nasty little chalky hearts with the stupid messages.

Well the 3 of you that read this blog on the regular know I’m not big on holidays, so you already know that Valentines Day is just another day to me.  I hate the idea that I’m required to show you love on one day a year.  And the only reason it hurts low self-esteem having women people is because they are comparing their situation to others.  Well let me give you some reasons to stop worrying about if you didn’t get any Valentines Day goodies from your loved one.

1.  She may get a red heart full of chocolates today, but a red eye full of swelling tomorrow….  Sometimes big displays of love is just for show.  Is he/she treating them with respect the rest of the year?

2.  Is every day like Valentines day?  Going with point # 1.  Do you get flowers every day anyway.  Then why trip on the one day of year when people jack up the price of everything because they know you will be in the dog house if you don’t buy them.  It’s simple economics people.

3.  Do y’all have the money for what you want?  I say it like my mother use to tell me…

Me: “I want some Jordans!”

Ma Dukes (I’ve always wanted to say that): “You got some Jordan money?”

LOL!

Maybe he decided a long time ago since you raised hell because he didn’t buy you that diamond necklace that you wanted and made you a heart out of construction paper because that’s all he could afford.  It was either diamonds or rent, he decided to opt for keeping a roof over your head.

My fellow nerds…  Am I just being mean and cynical or is Valentines day just another overrated holiday?  Or am I just mad I didn’t get anything for V-Day?

Trillionair€ Wood

aka

Wood the Gr€at

aka

Wood L. J€nkins

Tags: candy, cool, cupid, flowers, holiday, nerd, nerds, nerds at the coo, sweethearts, table, Trillionaire Wood, V-Day, valentine's day

Dude! Where’s my David?

This year marks my 10 year High School Reunion, and I’m sure this will be an interesting event.  Watching people compare their lives with their peers…  Seeing who has done well…  Seeing who has not…  Seeing how Agnes burst out that 300lb cocoon of fat, braces, and think glasses to become jet beauty of the week…  Seeing who reverted back to a Neanderthal…  Seeing who is still reminiscing on the 4 touch downs they scored in a single game.   Like I said…

This is going to be interesting.

But I won’t lie, I did take some time to think about the last ten years of my life, the ups, the downs, and the in-betweens.  And I asked myself, “Is this where I wanted to be?”  The answer is simple:  Hell no!  I was “conversating” with my boy the other day and he put it all into perspective.  He asked the question… “Where is my David?”

I asked him to explain himself.  He went on to say that David was one of Michelangelo’s greatest masterpieces and he created by the age of 25.  Now I’ve done some great things in my day, but to create a sculpture that has been world renown for centuries has far surpassed that one legendary house party I threw that everybody came to.

Well, this is put up or shut up time.  I could have taken time to do the usual stuff people do.  Make excuses as to why I don’t have my masterpiece…my poor background, Michelangelo isn’t the norm, etc.  But I decided to ask myself constructively why I hadn’t created my David, and I implore you to ask yourself the same.  These are the reasons I feel like my David is still a huge block of marble…

1. No focus… I, like most people at this point in my life, spent a lot of time on delusions of grandeur.  Not that dreams aren’t great.  But stop dreaming and get to work.  Time.  “she keeps on passin’ me by”.

2. You slacker… I bet if anyone looks at their life they don’t realize just how much time their wasting.  I mean you are reading a blog right now from a no-talent writer and I’m sure there is something more important you could be doing.

3.   No plans… I don’t know how many times I have heard, “N!gga we about to be big on this scene!!!”  Usually it surrounds the entertainment industry:  Rapping, promoting etc.  Like black people are only limited to that industry. (That’s another post entirely).  And generally their plans are worse than the underpants gnomes.

4.  Too much fear… But what if I fail?   So what?!!  Learn from it, get up, and keep it moving.  Stop being a little Kobe ( it’s my new word for b!tch)

My fellow nerds what other advice do you have for me to inspire me to get my David done?

I’ll be back to read after I sit on the couch daydreaming about my many hustles that I won’t write down because I don’t feel like it and I’m too scared to try.

- Trillionaire Wood  a*k*a Wood the Great.

Tags: al bundy, cool, high school, life plans, married with children, michelangelo, nerds, nerds at the cool table, reunion, southpark, table, the david, Trillionaire Wood, underpants gnomes

Soulmates, Gnomes, Unicorns, and The Tooth Fairy

So I’m wondering…
Is there a such thing as a soulmate,
Or is it a lemon dream that somebody sold me?
Is there a person whom God destined for me
Since I came out the womb and took my first steps like a probate?
Is it a fad or a gimmick?
If she’s at some type of party, church service, some type of function… I’m in it
I wonder how in the world can we be kindred spirits
When we both grown as h*ll and ain’t ever been out the city limits?!?!

Is there a such thing as a soulmate,
Or is it a lemon dream that somebody sold me?
It gets “cumber” with “some”
How can a lady be my earth when there ain’t nothing new under the sun?’
So if she’s the one that got away or, rather, she skidaddle’d
How do I know there ain’t three more like her somewhere in Seattle?
Perhaps she has a clone in Rome, or most certainly
A South African look-a-like, a doppelganger in Germany
I’m saying… is there a such thing as a soulmate,
Or is it a lemon dream that somebody sold me?
I guess the question’s rhetorical for the moment
Just my ramblings at 4:36 in the morning…

What do you think?  Do you believe in soulmates?  Do you believe you have found or come across your soulmate?  Leave a comment and join the discussion!

Tags: love, nerds at the cool table, Relationships, soulmates, valentine's day

Revenge of the Nerds

It’s been a long time… we shouldn’t have left you… without a dope post to skim through…

To all of our readers, we apologize for the long hiatus.  It has been a while since our last post.  Life has been busy, but we’re back!

Truth is… SouthernCharm spent the better half of January looking for a new laptop, and Trillionaire Wood got tired of keeping the site going daily.

Anywho… one of the things that has been on my mind lately is the theme of this site: Nerds at the Cool Table.  What exactly is a nerd?  What makes one a nerd at the cool table?

Growing up, someone was considered a nerd if they were smart and actually proud of it.  A nerd was someone who enjoyed learning new things, reading, etc.  A nerd may have been the smartest kid in the class/school.  A nerd may have consistently and habitually overachieved.

But what makes one a nerd today?  Can a “grown” person be a nerd?

Which brings us to being a nerd at the cool table.  To me, a nerd at the cool table is smart person with confidence… swag if you want to call it that…

By the way, is it me or is “swag” over-used like Kim Kardashian from 2003-2008?  I’m currently taking nominations for words to replace “swag.”

Also, when I think of a nerd at the cool table, I think of people like Lupe Fiasco, Pharrell, Stringer Bell, Nas from Belly, Barack Obama, Rosario Dawson, etc.

However, I think we need a little more clarity.  What makes a cool nerd/nerd at the cool table?

1. You’re Fashionable -You love a nice pair of Chucks, Ralph Lauren is such a staple in your closet that your friends refer to you as “Polo Da Don,” or you’re a chick with a meaaaan heel game… and you thoroughly understand DuBois’ Souls of Black Folks.

2. You’re Socially Conscious – You know how to jerk, do the stanky leg, know Pants on the Ground word-for-word, and For the Love of Ray-J is your guilty pleasure… but you also enjoy some good Sinatra, Myth Busters, or a good program on the History Channel.

3. You’re Hip to Technology – Internet Explorer?  Who the eff uses that?  Flip phone = Zack Morris phone… and you have an app that determines if you’re too intoxicated to drive.

4. You Can Easily Blend In – You’ve written a thorough report on the new system your company is implementing, gave a presentation on it, spent your downtime at work browsing hedge funds, capital gains, progressive income taxes, Teddy Roosevelt, and World War I on Wikipedia.  When you get off, you grab a fifth of Crown from the L-store, and head over to your boy’s crib in the hood (not the hood-hood) to get on some Spades while discussing the finer points of Tahiry’s azzets.

So as we gather around the cool table, what do you think?  What else makes someone a nerd at the cool table/cool nerd?  Is being a cool nerd the new trend?

Haiti Earthquake = God’s Will?

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, or your George  W. Bush circa 2005 Hurricane Katrina your life has been enveloped in the crisis in Haiti…

Well of course you’re getting hit from all sides on this tragedy. 

Some people say don’t give because we are already giving money through income tax.

Some people say give because it’s right the right thing to do.

If there is an opinion on this issue, it has been voiced.  And you have had a chance to weigh in on it.

But I must say their are two opinions that seems to pull me in every time.

 One made by Pat Robertson of the 700 Club.  Mr. Robertson has said on his show…

“Something happened a long time ago in Haiti and people might not want to talk about it,” the televangelist said. “And they got together and swore a pact to the Devil. They said, ‘We will serve you if you’ll get us free from the French.’ True story. And so the Devil said, ‘Okay, it’s a deal.’ . . . But ever since they have been cursed by one thing after another.”

So basically he’s saying they are cursed for what they did.  I’m not a fan of this comment because it’s based on speculative history.

But this is the one that really got me.

Rev. Eric Toussaint while addressing his congregation is quoted as saying…

“Why give thanks to God? Because we are here,” “What happened is the will of God.”

Now I could be totally misreading his  quotes and he may be saying that them surviving was the will of God, but it seems like he is saying the earthquake was the will of God.  That is about as believable as the plot for the movie Legion.

I have to say I’m totally in disagreement with both men.  I don’t believe that God goes around handing out punishment like water.  God loves us.  You can’t tell me in one breath God would give his only son so that the world be saved then go around killing people because he was angry with you or you made a pack with the devil.

What do you guys think?  Was the earthquake the will of God? 

-Trillionaire Wood

Tags: 700 Club, cool, earthquake, George W. Bush, Haiti, Hurrican Katrina, nerds, nerds at the cool table, nerdsatthecooltable.com, Pat Robertson, Rev. Eric Toussaint, table, Trillionaire Wood

Another Year…And a better me.

Today I have reached a new birthday.  I am 2* and feeling good. 

As I get older, I’m starting to understand that those things that your parents say, you’ll understand much better when you’re older.  Things that use to matter just don’t matter as much.  And things that didn’t matter in the past, matter so much more now.

The one thing that I can say about gettin golder is the best part about this moment is learning to not take things so seriously.  When I finally got that revelation, my life became so much better.  And if anyone has known me for a long time then they realize that was not a simple accomplishment. 

But it feels good to not feel obligated to go out.  Sometimes I just like to sleep. 

It feels good to walk away from an argument and not care that I didn’t win.  I always ask myself, “Will it matter tomorrow?”.

It  feels good to be comfortable about the fact that I like cartoons and I don’t give a crap who knows it.  (Don’t tell anybody else.)

Well this week as I was reaching the momentous occasion, I ran across one of those fowarded e-mails.  The one’s that tell you that if you don’t forward your computer will blow in 5 seconds or that God will stop loving you.  And I think it’s appropriate for anyone reaching a new age and wants to be a better person.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay ‘them.’

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning.  Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name isAlzheimer’s.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh  often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6… The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:  If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them , at every opportunity.

Happy Birthday to me and Happy Early Birthday to you all.

-Trillionaire Wood

Tags: birthday, forwarded e-mails, nerds at the cool table, nerdsatthecooltable.com, Trillionaire Wood

Let’s Reflect… (And Late Happy New Year!)

Late happy new year, and welcome to 2010!

It’s been a while since our last post, but it’s a new year & a new decade.  We have big things in store for this year, so continue checking us out daily (and subscribing) to witness greatness in action.

Before we hit you with the money shot that is all this greatness, it’s only right that we reflect on the previous decade.  What’s the best way to do that?

With lists of course!

So today, at the Cool Table, we present to you the best & worst of the decade!

Best Hip Hop Album: College Dropout.  And we’re not just saying that because Entertainment Weekly said so.  Kanye’s debut album was the reincarnation of Tribe Called Quest & De La Soul.  It made it cool once again to be the everyday, average, black guy without a jail record, who wasn’t doing drive-by’s  while flipping 200 ki’s in a song.  He was the precursor of the Drakes, Kid Cudis, Cool Kids, and J Coles of today.

Company of the Decade: Google. Google is worth billions in stocks, but isn’t really worth anything tangible on paper.  They’re just a huge advertising company.  But as of today, they’re simultaneously giving Microsoft and Apple a run for their money… and they can tell you what you had for breakfast this morning.  Beware of big bro…

Chick who ran ish this decade: Beyonce. She can sing, dance, halfway act, yodel, and probably hook up a batch of chicken spaghetti at the same time.  Women love her.  Guys want to be with her.  A few ghey guys probably want to be her.

NBA Team of the decade: Lakers. L.A. had 4 titles this previous decade.  The Spurs have 3.  Miami has 1.  Detroit has 1. Boston has 1.  Lakers win by default.

NFL Team of the decade: Colts. I know.  I know.  Patriots this…. Steelers that… but I’m a Colts fan, so I’m going to hijack and enjoy our one title last decade this moment.

MLB Team of the decade: Red Sox. I’m a Yankees fan, but the Red Sox overcame the Babe Ruth curse… and won again.

Best hustle: Kim Kardashian. Judy from Family Matters parlayed a stint on a sitcom into a p.orn career.  Kim Kardashian parlayed a stint in doggystyle into a sitcom.  It’s the American dream in action!

Greatest moment of the decade: Obama. Nuff said.

Worst moment of the decade: September 11, 2001. Katrina comes in 2nd with an  Epic fail on the government’s part.

Do you agree?  Disagree?  What would you recommend for best rock album of the decade?  Worst person of the decade?  Best website?  Epic fail of the decade?

Tags: 2010, 9/11, beyonce, colts, kim kardashian, lakers, nba, new year, nfl, obama, patriots, red sox, the 2000's

Lonely, Successful Black Women…

It’s an epidemic!

Or is it a few cases that cause mass hysteria?!

Apparently, the flavor of the day on blogs throughout the web, is a Washington Post article on Helena Andrews.   Helena is a  single, 29 year old, successful black woman, living in D.C.  She’s about to release a new book titled, “B*tch Is the New Black.”  It’s a memoir on the perils of being a successful, upwardly mobile, black woman.  There are also plans for a film based on the book. 

You can read the article here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/12/09/AR2009120904546.html

Also, www.verysmartbrothas.com has a great post on the issue/article.

Meanwhile, here are a few excerpts from the Washington Post article:

Andrews writes about what it is like for a young, black woman dating in D.C., trying to find a mate who seems ever elusive. The futile rituals are familiar: the dressing up, the eager cab ride over to the party, the hold-your-breath as you walk in, scanning the room quickly for any looks returned. The mantra sounding in the back of your head: “So-and-so found a man last year at a party like this. Maybe tonight is my night.” Then one by one, the men prove to be disappointments and disappointing: married, uninteresting or uninterested.

The disappointment as you end up at the bar once again, committing straw violence in your drink (stirring the drink frantically and unconsciously).

Andrews writes the truth of those nights. The truth is for too many, they never work out. Not for Andrews and not for her friend, Gina, who is a prominent character in her life and in the book.

“For a lot of black women, especially young successful black women, we have a lot of boxes on our master plan list checked off,” Andrews says. “We think happiness should come immediately after that. But that is not always the case.”

Love is much too hard to find and when these women do, it may go all wrong because of issues that are too complicated for statistics, Andrews says. She is quick to say, “There are tons of black families who are healthy and good.” Even so, black women are more likely than white women to grow up poor or otherwise struggling financially; to be fatherless and to experience a myriad of other societal and/or familial dysfunctions. Ironically, the “issues” can also include being a “strong” woman: the can-do, opinionated type many black women become after growing up in a matriarchal household, the type with whom some men still just can’t deal.

“I have tons of friends who are extremely successful lawyers and lobbyists, staffers on the Hill. They are great at what they do. They are in their late 20s and early 30s,” Andrews says, sipping Ethiopian coffee. Her dog, Miles, is sitting beneath the restaurant table, whining softly.

“But there is loneliness at their jobs, because most likely they are the only black person there and people treat them like they are the only black person there. They dress a certain way. They go out on the weekend. . . . And still they end up going home, and it’s you and your d*mned dog.”

For my black women who feel like they fall into this category… I seriously believe this is a personal problem.  It isn’t an epidemic.  It’s just life.  Sure, you have your degree, a good job, a nice place, and a few of the finer things in life that may constitute “success.”  But just because you haven’t found a Barack Obama-type with swag doesn’t mean it’s hard out here for you.  Maybe your standards really are too high.  Maybe the fact that you have a degree and a job doesn’t really mean crap in the grand scheme of things.  What lies beneath your resume?  What other qualities do you bring to the table. 

Which brings us to my ode/parody of the Helena Andrews epidemic.  Cause after all, she just wants to be successful, right?

Beyonce:
I want the money,
Money and the cars,
Cars and the clothes, (and to be)
Betrothed! (Troooooothed!)
I suppose…
I just want to be… I just want to be successfullllllll
I just want I to be… I just want to be successfulllllll

Helena:
Awww yeah B, I effin’ feel ya
They be staring at the B.A. like it’s unfamiliar
I got it and earned it, to me there’s nothing realer
Except this condo in the ‘burbs, something like a villa,
And when I leave, I always come right back here (alone)
The black woman that all of these black men fear,
I had me a winter boo, but that was last year
Dropped his a** quick, he was a muthaf*ckin’ cashier!
A thousand thread count sheets on my bed,
Quarters of creamy crack shape the perm in my head,
Take my attitude too serious, you hate me,
Cause I don’t feel a brutha who ain’t ballin’ with a J.D.
Yeah… I want it all that’s why I strive for it
Text me, and you’ll never get a reply for it
Any Happy Hour, 1st Friday, I get fly for it
I know hubby’s coming, I just hope that I’m alive for him…

Tags: black women, business, helena andrews, Relationships, washington post